Am I Reckless To Love You?

What Now?

A/N I figured out how to end the story happy AND sad 🥵🤚

Y/N POV:
I let out a groan as a rolled over in bed. I took a moment to remember last night. Billie's sad eyes. Panic shot through me and I jumped up, quickly looking around. I felt my muscles relax beneath me when I saw her sleeping figure, face still puffy from the night before. I admittedly panic because the last time I was hoping to wake up to her, we didn't speak for months.

I stayed there, staring at her sleeping figure. The way her black and green hair fell over her face and shoulders. The soft curves of her cheek. The way her face was a little smushed into the pillow and the way her lips were parted slightly in her sleep. She was so beautiful no matter what she was going.

"I'm not leaving again" I heard her barely mumble. My eyes widened. How long was she awake? How did she know I was staring?

"W-what?" I mumbled. She stirred, moving to lay on her back, brushing her messy hair away from her face and bringing her hands up to rub at her no doubt sore eyes.

"I heard you jump up, and then you just stopped". She explained. "I remember looking at you like that before I left" Her voice was hoarse and monotone, she still sounded so broken. "I wanted to remember every inch of you."

I nodded silently even though I knew she wouldn't see it, so I just hummed in agreement. After a moment of nothing but her sniffles and soft breathing filling the silence I spoke again. "I trust you not to leave me again."

She finally opened her eyes and looked over at me, her face was so empty, she had no light behind her eyes but somehow still looked at me like she loved me. "You can't trust me" she mumbled. I gave her a frown and laid back down beside her, letting her settle between my arm and chest. I opened my mouth to reply but she spoke first. "I don't want to hurt you again. I'll do everything I can to make sure you can trust me, but I hurt people and I switch up. I'm not someone who is easy to be loved"

I pulled her close. "I will never blame you for a chemical imbalance in that beautiful head of yours. I know you don't know what it's like to be loved, but love is unconditional and I'm not just going to add a condition because you have mental disorder."

She nodded, tears rolled down her cheeks and fell softly on my arm. I turned slowly and cuffed her cheek with the arm that wasn't beneath her head, wiping her tears away with my thumb. "What's wrong hun...?" I ask softly, barely above a whisper.

"No one has ever stuck around with me after they see this side of me.. it just means a lot" She sniffles.

"Baby... I promise I'll never leave you over your mental health."

"Thank you y/n" she smiles softly, the first time I've seen her smile in ages. I don't know much about bipolar disorder, I've only heard about the mood swings, but I'm learning through Billie that there is so much more to it than just happy and sad. I'm going to do my best to be there for this incredible woman when she goes through whatever she has to go through.

"Always." I smile and kiss her on the forehead.

I let Billie get some more much needed rest. I snuck downstairs to hopefully cook her up some 'feel better soon breakfast', but Finneas, the angel he is, was already working on it.

"Good morning stranger" He smiled sweetly at me. "How's she holding up?" He sighed and set down a pan of bacon on the stove top.

"How'd you know?" I sighed, running a hand through my tangled hair. I needed a shower for sure.

"This isn't the first time or the last time she's gone through something like this." He sad sadly "I just know when to expect the breakdowns. She has a pattern, the longer you know how the more you'll see it. I'm glad you were there for her last night though. I try to be the best I can, but after awhile having just family there for you starts to stop working so much."