Am I Reckless To Love You?

Future

Y/N

It's been around a year since me and Billie became an official couple. Everything was great. Until at least Billie decided to stop taking her medicine and stopped therapy. Her mental health diminished almost immediately, but she just doesn't see it. She can't see pass the issue and refuses to acknowledge that she needs help.

"I just don't want to okay??" Billie's voice was laced with irritation, though not yelling, I could tell she wanted to.

"Bils come on, you need that shit and you know it." I sigh, I spoke softly to her, holding in my own frustration. I love her endlessly, but I can't pretend her mental health has done nothing but deteriorate.

"You of all people should be on my side about this! I'm tired okay? I'm tired of relying on drugs and shrinks and shit. I don't need them. I've been fine without them for the last three months. You're supposed to be there for me. You're supposed to love me through this shit no matter what." Now she doesn't hold back, she's angry at me for not agreeing with her. This happens more and more frequently. When she makes these impulsive decisions during her mania, I try to nicely tell her it's self destructive, she gets defensive. She says shit implying I don't love her. I know this isn't good.

"Billie...." I sigh. "You can't say I don't love you because I'm trying to do what's best for you." I cross my arms, staring her from across her bedroom, a room we shared so many good memories in throughout the year. Lately all we do is fight.

"Y/N how do you have any say in what's best for me? Why can't I decide what's best?" She glares at me, she huffs. "This is so fucking dumb dude."

"It's not dumb Billie!" I shout finally losing my cool. "How many fucking times do I have to rush over here because you threaten suicide and then go dark? How many times do I have to ask Finn and your parents where you are because you get impulsive and go off to do stupid shit. You almost fucking crashed the car you've dreamed of owning for years!! Because you thought it was such a good idea to fucking drive high speeds down a highway?! How many times are you going to sit there and say I don't love you and then turn around and say that you can't live without me? That's not healthy Billie."

She looks at me, her anger now gone. Tears lined the brims of her eyes and it broke my heart, but I knew what to expect when she spoke next. Everytime we fight it always comes down to this. "What are you saying?" She looks at me. "Do you want to break up?"

I sigh, rubbing at my temples and looking down at the floor. "no bils that's not what I was saying." I look back up at her.

"That's what it sounds like. Y/n I'm so sorry please don't go." She cries. "I can't do this shit without you. I'll do better, I'll get help, I'll take my meds. I will fix myself."

I cringe. "Billie. You shouldn't need an ultimatum to do those things. You can't be dependent on me like this." I huff. "I-" I started, thinking about how I can word this.

She looks at me, tears in her eyes. "I think it would be best for you if we broke up.. I need you to get help, I need you to focus on yourself, not so much on our relationship. This isn't working anymore and you're self destructing."

Billie looks down. I can see the tears falling from her eyes onto the floor below. I brace myself for what she'll say next, I brace myself for the breakdown, the begging, the manipulation.

"I think.. you're right." She sighs. "You're right. I'm such a mess. I don't want this, I want you, but I don't know what else to do, I don't think we have any other options."