Kabanata 25
Farewell
Kinabukasan ay maaga akong nagising. At halos mapabalikwas ako ng bangon nang naalala ko ang mga nangyari kahapon. I just smiled as I remembered every detail of it. Tiningnan ko ang regalo na ibinigay ni Laurence sa akin. I immediately grabbed the gift and I hugged it very tight. Geez, you're driving me crazy, John Laurence!
I slowly unwrapping the gift and there I saw that it was a photo album. Napangiti ako lalo. I scanned the first page of it and saw the title of the made album. It was written by his hand.
Our Album
Tiningnan ko ang mga sumusunod na pahina. Hindi ko alam pero biglang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko habang tinitingnan ang mga pictures naming dalawa. Mula sa unang picture namin hanggang sa huli na naka-confine na siya sa hospital. Until I look over to the last page, wala itong picture pero may nakita akong papel sa huling pahina. Nanginginig naman ang kamay kong kinuha iyon at binuklat. It was a letter.
To my favorite person, Lauren.
First, I'm sorry if I didn't tell you about my condition. You already know the reasons behind it so I won't include to write that in this letter. I write this because……I want to bid my farewell to you. Today is our flight to States and I'm really sorry if I didn't say it to you again.
Aleng, am I too selfish? If you're going to hate me after you read this letter, I can accept it. I can't blame you either.
The doctor said that I must be treated right away and my family wants me to undergo the operation in States. Pero Aleng natatakot ako ng sobra. The doctor also said that after my operation, I will lose all of my memories. Natatakot akong makalimutan kita. Ayaw kong makalimutan kita. Hindi ko kayang makalimutan kita. You are my favorite person and all I want to do is to remember you every seconds.
I can't imagine my life living without remembering you. Before I met you, I didn't know if love existed. Cause my past was bad and honestly, quite twisted. But then you came, and changed my view, You made me love , and I truly love you.
Kaya natatakot ako na baka isang araw magising nalang ako na wala akong Aleng na maaalala. Walang Lauren Jean Beaunavista. I'm too scared to forget you. Sana ay matagal-tagal kitang nakilala. Sana hindi nalang ako nagkasakit. Ang labo, Aleng. Sobrang labo. Sorry If I didn't tell you about this, kasi pag nakikita ko yung mukha mo biglang uurong yung dila ko, and I don't want to ruined our moments. So, I decided to leave with having the best memory that happens into me, and that best memory is your I love you. You are the best of my life.
Thank you for the moments we have shared together for the mean time. Aleng, dying for someone seems easy but I can even live for you. I will continue this life and after that, I will seek you, I will find you, and I will love you over and over again.
Forgetting you will be the biggest mistake of my life.
But can you do me a favor?
I wish all the best of you . So, can you pursue your passion? Can you continue in painting? Can you? Please chase your dreams, Aleng. Chase them without me.
Lastly, It hurts me when I say goodbye. It hurts me to part ways with you but there is no choice left in few. There is love all lost between the two of us. For the last time, I want to tell you a final goodbye. For all the memories I have lived with you, It was and will remain pretty forever. And ofcourse, this heartbreak will remain too. Lol. Don't cry, I'm not there to wipe your tears. I do hope we could collide again. I love you so much, Lauren Jean Beaunavista. Always.
Love,
John Laurence
Nanghihinang napa-upo ako sa sahig matapos basahin ang sulat niya. Tears escaped in my eyes and I can't speak anymore. I covered my face with my palm, at tahimik akong umiiyak. I feel so lost and empty again. I feel so vulnerable and I feel like my heart is slowly shattering into pieces.
"Laurence, I hate you," I sobbed. "I hate you for making me back to my oldself and leaves me afterward." naiiyak kong sambit.
His grin always flashing in my head. His wisdom words. His carefree gestures in me. His love. Ang sakit sakit lang isipin na hindi man lang ako nagpaalam sa kaniya. Ito ba ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako gustong makasama buong araw kahapon?
I want to hold him again. The thoughts and memories with him makes me cry. I will miss you, John Laurence del Real, my sunshine.
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