Seeking Serendipity

Kabanata 01

Kabanata 01

Bestfriend

Loss and grief were eating me now. I lost my one and only friend and It is hard to accept this kind of fate. The destiny is so cruel to her, she's the only one who understands and accepts all my stupidity but... I lost her.

Hindi ako tumigil sa pag-iiyak habang tinitingnan ang puntod ng kaibigan ko. She's my buddy, my partner-in-crime, and my bestfriend, Sean Hustler. Hanggang ngayon ay sumasakit parin ang dibdib ko sa napakaikling buhay na ibinigay sa kaniya. How can I reach my dream right now? How can I continue to express my passion without her?

She's good at music and playing instruments while I'm good at drawing and painting. She's the only one reason why I love to paint and draw. She taught me how to love the arts! Minahal ko iyon, but in my case right now, hindi ko na alam kung dahil ba kay Sean ang pagmamahal na iyon o dahil gusto ko talagang magpinta.

Pero bakit niya ako iniwan?

Paano na yung pangarap namin na papasok sa Bee Arts University?

Wala ng magtatama sa akin kung pangit o maganda ba ang mga iginagawa ko. Wala ng kakanta sa tabi ko sa tuwing magpipinta ako. Wala na akong mapagsabihan tungkol sa kahiligan ko sa outerspace. Living without her means nothing.

I miss her more than anything in this world. Every time I listen to music It reminds me of Sean. I miss her so much until I can feel pain, and I feel like dying. I can't live like this. I just want her to be here with me, I just want her to hold my hand, I just want my bestfriend to be with me, forever.

"Why do you leave me that fast Sean? Ni hindi mo pa nga ako nasamahan sa Vacation Bee Camp. Hindi ka pa nga nakasali sa tawag ng tanghalan." I sobbed while speaking my supplications to her.

I stayed in that position for a long, long while. Saka na ako tumayo nang unti-unti ng lumulubog ang araw. But before I go, I open the letter I made for her. It's all about my thoughts about her death. I put this in the big bottle with ribbon at the center. Nasa tabi ito ng puntod niya at ng mga bulaklak. Ginawa ko ito para may mabasa siya galing sakin.

DAY 8

Dear Sean,

Hey bud, Are you okay there? Does heaven look good? You have no idea, how much I miss you, bud. But still, I need to be strong. And this feeling is taking me over, day by day, minute by minute, I can't take it anymore, it is killing me. Each passing day without you, makes me have melancholic feelings. Always remember bud, you are my best buddy that always stands by me in my memories.

Sincerely Yours,
Lauren Jean

I folded the letter after I read it before I drop to the hole in the bottle. Dahan-dahan na akong naglakad paalis sa kaniyang Pantheon. Kahit anong gawin kong pagmamasid sa paligid, wala akong nakuhang interes. Napabuntong-hininga nalang ako at umuwi na.

When I was walking bound to our condominium, I noticed a lot of people going in and out in the condo of my bestfriend. May mga bagong mukha rin ang nakita ko, and I hate what my mind thinks. Kahapon ay nalaman ko na umalis na ang pamilya nina Sean sa condo nila, hindi ko rin ito nalaman because I was mourning the whole day, they are bidding their goodbyes to me to my parents.

Nang nakapasok na sa bahay ay agad kong nakita si mama na masayang nakatingin sa akin. A jolly smile formed into her lips before she came near me.

"OMG, Lauren, may bago ulit tayong kapitbahay and I heard that yung oldest na anak daw nila is ka-age mo lang." she said happily.

I mentally rolled my eyes when I heard her statement. Not because of the news but because of the way she talks. Siya yata ang pinaka-conyo na nanay na nakilala ko, not only that, she also acts like a teenager.

"Aren't you masaya?" tanong niya sa isang malungkot na boses.

I shook my head, "Not interested." I spat.

Mama leaves a deep breath before she nodded. Agad akong pumunta sa silid ko at nagbihis. Inilibot ko ang mga mata ko sa kabuuang silid. Hanggang sa napadpad ang tingin ko sa kanang bahagi ng kwarto.

There I saw my painting tools and my other supplies in arts. They look lonely and cast off. Napabuntong hininga nalang ulit ako.

Nang nawala si Sean, nawalan na rin ako ang interes ko sa pagpinta at pagguhit. Between the two of us, Sean is the most enamoured in arts. She's my inspiration, pero ang inspirasyon ko ay nawala na.

I don't like my life became miserable, but my feelings always contrade my soul. Sa oras na gusto kong ilibang ang sarili ay palagi ko siyang naalala. I hate creating memories without her.

May nakita akong kariton sa ilalim ng kama ko kaya agad ko itong kinuha at doon ipinasok ang lahat ng mga gamit sa pagpinta at pagguhit katulad ng mga canvas, paint brush, sketch pad, at iba pa. Sa bawat pagpasok ko nito ay unti-unti ring sumisikip ang dibdib ko. I'll get this back when I'm ready enough to continue my passion.

Nang natapos ko ng iniligpit ang mga gamit ay bumaba ako sa sala at nanonood na lang ng tv. Mama is busy preparing our dinner while my little brother is playing with his stuffed toys. Dad will be home later. He's working as a doctor in the small community hospital in our place every weekend lang ang day off niya kung hectic ang schedule ay hindi talaga siya makakauwi.

I was religiously watching the NetFlix movie on our tv when I heard sudden noises coming from the outside. I slowly half-opened the window and I saw a small girl holding tight her teddy stuff toy. Nasa tabi naman niya ang nanay at tatay niya, na masaya silang nag-uusap sa kapitbahay rin namin.

Biglang bumukas ang pintuan nila at may lumabas na isang matangkad na lalaki na may dalang gitara sa kaniyang likuran. It seems that we're having the same age. He looks at our window and when he saw me, he beams. His friendly wide smile is contagious but I didn't smile back.