Calamity

Panic Attack

‼️TW: TALK OF A PANIC ATTACK (lol who would've guessed)‼️

Your heart races. The room feels like it's boiling your skin, so you sweat almost too much. You can hardly breath as you become dizzy. You can't feel anything, but at the same time you want to throw up. There's a muffled sound coming from someone near you but you can't focus your vision.

"Y/n, you need to breathe." Says the voice. You look up and see Fiona standing outside of the holding cell you're in. Instead of the DCPD, you're being held at the court house jail. You have a panic attack when Fiona tells you you're being transferred to the women's wing of the DC Central Detention Facility tomorrow. You only get one visit and one phone call a week, and bail has been denied.

"You'll be ok y/n, just listen to my voice." Says Fiona. You try to focus but your eyes dart around the room. Usually when you have these panic attacks Spencer is there, but now he's not. And there's no way he can be.

"Officer!" Yells Fiona. "My client needs help, she's having a panic attack and I'm worried she may pass out."

Another figure appears beside her and opens the gate. A man suddenly lifts you up and you stumble in his arms. Your body is so heavy, along with your eyelids. You completely give up as you fall to the floor.

"Oh come on!" Says the mans voice.

"I'm sorry." You whisper. You try to speak louder but you can't. He picks you up in a bridal position and walks you out of the cell area and your eyes flutter at all of the bright lights.

"It's too bright." You say. Your eyes burn and your head throbs as you feel tears run down your cheeks  to your ears. The officer doesn't say anything as he continues to walk with you to another room.

"It's too bright." You say again, but nobody listens. Your dizziness becomes worse and your chest tightens. That's when you hear a familiar voice.

"What's wrong with her?"

The voice is faint and muffled. It sounds like they're very worried. You try and look around and you feel sweat drip down your face. You can't move your arms or legs.

"Hey, what's wrong with her? Answer me!"

You're being swung around by the officer holding you. You desperately try to focus your vision and find out who's yelling.

"Don't move around too much, you'll make it worse! No Derek, let me go! Y/n it's Spencer!"

Spencer.

"I need him." You whisper. The officer looks down into your throbbing eyes.

"You're in federal custody, It's not allowed. I'm taking you straight to the medic." He says.

"Please, I need... I need..."

You pass out to the sound of Spencer's voice calling out your name.

•••••

"Y/n, wake up."

Your eyes flutter open but you're blinded by the bright light. You move your hand over your face and turn your head. You sit up and rub your eyes to focus on the voice next to you.

You gasp when you see Spencer.

You quickly jump into his arms. He wraps them around you and rubs your back while he burrows in your neck. You let tears fall as you savor his touch again.

"I can't believe you're here." You say.

"Me neither. Fiona convinced the judge to let me see you since you had a medical emergency." He says. You two separate and you look at his eyes. They're red and the skin around them is wet.

"You've been crying." You say as you wipe his cheeks. He smiles and holds your hand there. He gives it a kiss and looks up at you.

"I was just worried is all. I'm glad you're ok." He says.

"I'm sorry I worried you, I don't know why that attack was so bad."

"Don't apologize." He says. "I mean... you just found out you're going to prison tomorrow."

You inhale sharply. To be honest, you forgot about that. You look around at the padded bed you're sitting on. You take a deep breath and try not to cry again.

"Talk to me." Says Spencer. He's looking into your eyes. "I can tell you're holding something back."

You look back into his eyes and let your lip tremble. You look down and Spencer grips your hand as your eyes fill with tears again.

"I'm so scared." You say quietly. Spencer nods softly and holds out his arms in his seat. You let yourself cry as you stand up and sit in his lap. You burrow your whole body into his chest as he holds you tight and strokes your hair. He occasionally kisses your head while you sob into his shirt.

"I'm sorry you're scared. I am too." He says.

"But you aren't the one who has to go."

"I am going to have to be without you though. That's prison within itself." He says. It makes you grin. "But I'm going to visit you every day that I can. Just because you'll be somewhere else doesn't mean we can have a life together anymore. I'll bring real estate papers so we can look at houses during our visits, and we can talk about true crime and Fresh Prince."

"I don't think I'll be able to survive five years without Fresh Prince." You say. You both laugh and you start to play with the buttons on his shirt.

"When do you have to leave?" You ask.

"In five minutes."

Your smile weakens as you nuzzle yourself closer to him.

"I really don't want you to go." You say. He tightens his grip on you and lays his head on yours. More tears build up in your eyes. You feel like such a baby right now. You're curled up in your husbands lap crying because you don't want him to leave. You just feel so vulnerable.

"I don't want to leave you either. I wish I could go with you and protect you." He says.

"I'll manage being by myself." You say. "It may be scary but what's the worst that could happen?"

Spencer stays silent. He should agree with you, but he knows what goes on in prisons. He just keeps you close and hopes that nothing like that happens to you. Because if it does, he doesn't know if you'll recover.

"Hey, guess what." He says to change the subject.

"What?"

"Me and Hotch have been talking. How would you feel about us letting you help us with cases from the inside?"

You look up at him and smile. "That would be great! It gives me something to think about while I'm there."

"Yeah, and it could help at your parole hearing." He says. "I'll tell Hotch that you like the idea."

You stand up from his lap and change your position. This time you're straddling him, your legs on both sides of his legs. You look at him as he grips your thighs.

"Thank you. I'm going to miss you so much. Promise you'll be the first to visit?" You ask.

"I promise. Although, Cecilia has been pretty adamant about visiting you first." He says. You chuckle and grab his hands.

"Tell her she can call me. And that I love her."

"I will. We're all going to miss you so much."

You smile and hold back tears again. After tomorrow, no more Wednesday brunches with the Rossi's. No more girls nights. No more cute dates, no more movie nights, no more sex.

Just you in a cell all alone with nobody to trust.

•••••
Damn y/n's really going through it lmao