Calamity

More Progress

‼️TW: TALK OF SCARS‼️

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME?!"

You jump awake the next morning, sweating and breathing fast. You sit up and make sense of your surroundings as Spencer wakes up with you. As you try to calm down and catch your breath he sits up and rubs your back.

"Hey, you're ok. It's ok." He says softly. He runs his hand down your back to your hand, and some kind of alarm goes off in your head. You quickly snatch your hand away from him and he jumps a little. Once you calm down you look back at him into his worried eyes.

"I'm sorry." You say. You put your hands back on the bed and hang your head down.

"It's ok. Don't apologize, you just had a bad dream." He says.

"I know but I... I feel bad for waking you up and snatching my hand away. You don't deserve to have to worry about me anymore." You say softly.

"I'm your husband, it's my job to worry about you." He says. "If I didn't how would I protect you?"

You look up at him and force a small smile. You place your hand on his and he looks down at your fingers interlocking in his. He then picks up your hand and brings it to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the back of it. You watch him do it and for some reason you start to cry.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing, I'm just... emotional because of the pregnancy." You lie. Spencer can tell, so you look away again.

"I know that's not the real reason, but if you don't want to tell me you don't have to. But I am here for you." He says. You wipe a tear from your cheek and sniffle before looking up at him.

"I don't know how I'll ever thank you. For being here for me, even when I was being selfish and.... well, a burden." You say.

"Y/n, if I had to choose a word to describe you since that night it would most definitely not be selfish. And you are never ever going to be a burden to me. You're my everything, I love taking care of you. Especially when you need it most." He says softly as you continue to cry.

"Well then what am I? Because I feel all of this guilt and shame and worthlessness, and I don't know if I'll ever be normal again." You say.

"You're going through grief, it's all completely normal. You don't need to feel guilty or ashamed because what Cat did wasn't your fault, there's no way any of us could have stopped it. She's going away forever and she's never going to be let out." He says.

"But what if she comes back? What if she gets someone else on the inside and targets someone again, or what if she-"

"Hey hey," He interrupts, stopping your panicked rambling. "She's not coming back. I made sure she isn't allowed any visitors and there is only one guard to check on her. She's been denied prison yard and lunch room privileges, she's going to spend all of her time alone. You'll never have to think about her ever again, not as long as I'm here. I promise you." He says. He squeezes your hands as you hold back a sob. You look down at the bed and watch a tear make a wet spot on your blanket.

"She ruined my life. And as much as I hate to admit it I'm terrified of her."

Out of your peripheral vision you see Spencer's eyebrows arch downwards. He glances down in what looks like guilt, and you feel bad because that's not what you intended for him to feel. You focus back on your hands and while you pick at your skin your eyes eventually fall on your scars. You stare at them as you cry just waiting for Spencer to say something else- you're scared you made things awkward.