Not Today | ✔️

Chapter Thirty.

"Dance around my feelings
Pretty, little secrets
Scared as hell to mean it..."

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"Your hair is really soft."

"Thank you," Tristan replied with a chuckle, his eyes closed as his head rested in Evelyn's lap.

"I don't understand why you'd ever feel insecure about it," Evelyn said, combing her hands through his hair gently. "I wish my hair was curly, like yours."

"Don't. You're perfect the way you are," he murmured, pulling one of her hands from his hair to his mouth, kissing the back of it before he laid her hand against his chest, his hand atop hers.

Evelyn felt her cheeks get slightly warm. The whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing was very new to her, and, to some extent, felt surreal when Tristan would do things like compliment her freely or make sweet, physical gestures.

"So are you. Which is why I can't understand why you don't like your hair," she replied, using her free hand to continue combing through his hair gently.

Tristan shifted, changing his position so he his head was still laid on her lap, but he was facing her, both his hands resting on her thigh and his head against his hands, his eyes staring at her, beautiful as ever, framed by his dark, long eyelashes.

"Do you know the phrase, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'?" Tristan asked.

"Yeah," she said, nodding in confirmation.

"Well, whoever said that was an absolute fucking idiot," Tristan deadpanned, causing Evelyn to laugh.

"Fair," she said with a nod of her head. "But why do you say that?"

"I'm on the football team, I've been tackled more times than you can count. I've gotten in physical fights with my dad. I know what physical pain feels like. Bruises, cuts, fractures. But nothing cuts quite as deep or fractures quite as severely as words, especially when they come from people who should love you," he explained. "I tried to not let it get to me, but you can only hear the same insults over and over again before they seep into your brain and become an insecurity, Evelyn."

Evelyn frowned. "I... I can't undo whatever effect he's had on you, and I won't try to, but Tris, if you ever think about how it's something he hates so much, try to remember the fact that it's something I love. Maybe that will help?"

Tristan gave her a look that looked as soft as silk and as sweet as candy, before he pulled himself up, only slightly, and put his hand behind her head, pulling her face to meet his halfway, in a short, yet meaningful kiss. He was slow in the way he pulled away, and she couldn't help the way her lips pulled upward in a smile.

"That's one of the best parts about this whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing," Tristan said softly, laying his head back against her lap.

"Is that why you wanted me to say yes so bad?" Evelyn teased him, feigning offense.

Tristan shot up immediately, so he was sitting up, across from Evelyn, looking slightly panicked.

"No, no. That's not what I meant. I meant it, like, when you say something that I really appreciate and thank you doesn't seem like enough, so I can kiss you, to show you, instead of just telling you."

"So you go around kissing someone every time you want to thank them?" she continued to tease, crossing her arm over her chest, barely containing her laughter at Tristan's facial expression.

"What? Oh God, no. It's just different with you, since I like you. A lot. I don't want to kiss anyone else," he said.

Evelyn started laughing. "Tris, relax. I'm teasing you."

Tristan blew out a breath and pressed a hand against the left side of his chest, over his heart. "Jesus, woman. You really know how to give a guy a heart attack."

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Don't be dramatic."

"Then don't give me a reason to be dramatic," he said, sticking his tongue out.

Evelyn laughed, but shook her head at his childish gesture, before she grabbed the book next to her on the floor, placing it on her lap and opening it, beginning to read the words on the page. Evelyn was just beginning to get fully engrossed in the novel when Tristan placed his head on top of the book in her lap, looking up at her.

"Tris," she groaned, wanting to at least finish the chapter.

"You're just gonna ignore me?" Tristan said with a pout.

"If I'd known you'd end up clingy, I would've never said yes to being your girlfriend," Evelyn teased with a dramatic sigh.

"Shut up," he said light-heartedly, with a laugh.

"Gladly," she said with a smile and pulled her book from under his head, placing it on his face instead, beginning to read.

"That hurts," he said, scrunching his nose.

Evelyn considered this. The book was hardcover, so it may have been digging into his skin. She pulled a small, square pillow off her bed and placed over his face, placing the book atop the pillow.

"There you go," Evelyn said, a smile on her face. She could feel Tristan's body shake with laughter at her playful behavior. Tristan pulled the pillow off his face.

"Fine. If you're going to read, at least read out loud," Tristan said, looking up at her.

Evelyn furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I thought you didn't like books."

"I never said that."

"I know, but I've never seen you with a book, so I just kind of assumed, I guess?"

"It's not that I don't like books, it's kind of that they don't like me."

"What?"

"I'm dyslexic."

Evelyn furrowed her eyebrows, not expecting him to say that. It suddenly made sense to her why he didn't have any dramatic reaction to her disorder, didn't find her weird. Like her, his brain just worked a little differently. That made sense, but something else didn't.

"How come you always spend so much time in the library?"

"It's," he cleared his throat. "Well, being around books, it's a reminder of another way in which I'm a fuck-up to my dad, I guess."

Evelyn felt her lips part at the information, and her heart hurt. Tristan surrounded himself with something he struggled with to remind him of how he was a disappointment.

"Sit up," she said.

He furrowed his eyebrows, but did as she said, sitting up, across from her. Evelyn took the opportunity to climb in his lap, book still in hand, his arms immediately going around her, as if it was an instinct. She felt content like that; feeling his hard chest against her soft body and his arms wrapped around her.

"I hope that now, when you come to the library, it isn't to punish yourself, but to see me. I hope that it isn't a reminder of something you struggle with, but the place we first became friends," Evelyn said, her voice earnest.

Tristan didn't reply with words, but instead tightened his arms around her. That gesture said enough.

Evelyn used the silence as an opportunity to open her book, beginning to read the words out loud, continuing to read and read until she reached the last page.

"Hey, Evelyn?" Tristan said, his voice soft.

"Yeah, Tris?" she asked, looking into his eyes, confused at the intensity in his eyes and seriousness in his tone.

"Please don't break my heart."

Evelyn furrowed her eyebrows. "Where did that come from?"

"I was just thinking," he said, taking a deep breath. "And if anyone were to hurt me, I think I'd be okay, but if it were you... I don't think I could handle it."

"I'll promise not to break your heart, but you have to do something for me first."

"What's that?"

"Promise not to break mine."