Stay With Me (Bdoc) - Hermitcraft Fanfiction

Chapter 2

//tw// mentions of blood and death

Bdubs' POV

I felt like my insides had been crushed. My throat tightened, warning me of tears but I could already feel them blurring my vision. I wouldn't dare cry, I couldn't let him see any more of my vulnerability. I wanted to say something, anything, maybe yell at him for something he couldn't control but I didn't open my mouth, knowing the only sound that would come out would be a sob. He didn't love me. He didn't love me and it was actually going to kill me. I could see myself standing on the cliff holding back tears. I could see Doc's pitied expression and at that I turned away and worked on a plan to flee into the surrounding forest. The tears spilled down my face.

"Bdubs I know you want to leave but please listen to me. Please don't go right now." Doc begged but I could barely hear him. I wiped my face and as I did so he grabbed my wrists and pulled me into his chest. I couldn't stop it. My body shook and I cried into his shoulder. I gasped for breath and seized in his arms. Tears flooded down my face and stained his shirt. I tried to push him away but he wouldn't let me go. I hated that I liked the way it felt to be held in his arms.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Please listen to me..." I mumbled something against his chest and he continued. "I know you're upset... and you definitely hate me. It isn't going to matter how much I apologize but still... I'm so sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I don't love you like you love me, but even if I don't love you I still care about you and I hate to see you in this much pain," he hugged me tighter and I felt myself start to go soft in his touch. I felt stupid for thinking he could actually love me. Doc continued, "Bdubs I think you are great and wonderful and amazing and I hope you really believe me when I say those things. I know there's probably not a lot I can do to help you stop hurting but I want to help you fix your curse first. I know it might not be much but I am here to help."

Realization hit me like a truck.

"Doc..." I said into his chest, "It's you... you're the only thing."

"What?," he asked, looking down at me with empathetic eyes. Why did he have to be so beautiful?

"If you don't love me... that means I'll keep getting sicker... I'll die..." I whispered the last words hoping if I didn't say them out loud they wouldn't be true. This was unrequited love... I only had 5 stages left. Fresh tears mixed with the old ones as Doc loosened his grip on me.

"Wait... you'll die?" he said, his voice full of fear.

I wrapped my arms around my chest and whispered, "yes... it's over,"

"No no no there must be some way, this isn't fair. I can't let you die," Doc was panicking, I could see the wheels turning in his head as he worked out some way to save me, but.

"I don't want to be saved," I said quietly, "a world where you don't love me... is a one I don't want to live in."

"Bdubs please, I won't let you die. I still care about you so much and I can't, I won't let this happen."

"Doc... let me go, there's nothing we can do."

"Bdubs..."

We stared at each other for a few moments. I could see the guilt in his eyes and a painful longing, a longing to save me, a longing to feel the way I wanted him to feel.

"I'm not giving up on you Bdubs, no matter how hard you fight it, I will save you," Doc said softly.

I looked away from him and using every bit of strength I had left, I mumbled, "whatever," and flew off.

I still hadn't gotten out of bed yet. It was almost 2 pm and a warm golden light was coming in through my window. I felt a lump in the back of my throat but I was so sick of crying. I felt broken right now, and looking at that golden light reminded me of Doc, almost everything reminded me of him.

I woke up angry, angry at myself for believing Doc could really love me, angry at Doc because he wouldn't let me go, but most of all I was angry at the world for cursing me and making me feel all this pain. I was also terrified, terrified of dying and never coming back. It would all be over in just a few weeks and I couldn't handle those thoughts without hyperventilating. Most of all though, I felt tired. I barely made it home last night because crying is so exhausting. Hating myself is exhausting, being broken is so much effort.

I rubbed my eyes hoping it would make me feel less like crying. I rolled over so I wouldn't have to face the light and tried to fall back asleep. I had been lying there for only a few moments when someone knocked at my door. My breath caught in my throat, It had to be Doc and he was the last person I wanted to see right now. I pulled my pillow over my head hoping he would leave but three more knocks came at my door. Strained, I got out of bed, feeling light headed from all my crying.

Doc frowned when I opened the door. I probably looked like an absolute mess. Fine, I wanted him to see how much he hurt me anyways.

"Make me fall in love with you," he said immediately.

"What?" I asked.

"My love will cure you right?"

I nodded.

"Then just make me fall in love with you. We have enough time, we can make it work,"

I sighed, "Doc we can't-"

"Please. It will work, we can do it," He pleaded.

"I want you to really love me... that will take more than a week," I said quietly. I didn't want this at all. I didn't want to make him love me against his will.

"Bdubs come on, you're amazing, knowing you it will only take a few days," Doc said hopefully.

I tried to speak past the lump in my throat, "I can't... I can't make you love me."

"Let's at least try, we'll go on dates and have dinner together, please Bdubs," The longing had returned in his eyes. I knew this would never work but it did seem like a nice way to spend my final weeks.

"Okay, fine, we'll try," I said as I brushed my hand through my hair.

Doc smiled and it seemed so genuine I couldn't help but smile just a little bit too.