Burning Hope (Burn Series #1) [UNDER MAJOR EDITING]

Chapter 36

I left the house- I got myself a condo. I asked for Taylor's help since her parents own a lot of buildings. Luckily, she had one in mind. Not too expensive, but not too cheap either. I just needed out of that house. Every time. Every second. It felt like torture.

I can do this.

I'm better off alone.

Wala naman ata akong babalikan dito...sana 'di na lang pala ako umuwi. I just got worse. I feel worse.

Before, I said...I didn't know how Aly felt like...being hated by her family? She really hid it well. There was a point that I thought she never cared about them...pero just like now, no matter how much I say to myself na it's fine...there is always a part of you craving for a familial love...attention...no matter how small, or even if you don't know them that much...para gusto mo pa 'din maramdaman.

I might have not fully felt what Alyana was feeling but I did know what if felt like to be abandoned by the people who were supposed to catch me.

And trust me.

It's painful.

It makes you doubt yourself.

Like saan ba ako nagkamali? Was I not enough? Did I do something wrong?

They said time heals everything, they also said that soon you'll be better. I've heard that a lot of times- from my family to my friends, even strangers who'll randomly come up to you to talk.

I've heard that too much, that I started thinking...

Does time really heal you?

If yes, then why am I still not okay?

Do I need more time?

Do I have to do better?

Or is it because I'll never be okay?

Not in this lifetime.

Not when I know he's somewhere in this world...and he's not mine to love

Not anymore.

I am walking down at my favorite place in the city- our place...

This used to make me feel safe and happy. Whenever I'm here, a smile will always creep on my face...and he'll always be there for me.

It's a safe haven. One that can make me forget about everything.

But now...

It's different...All I see is love that was made.

It's hard.

The person who makes you happy has the most ability to break you at the same time.

It's too ironic.

It's funny how something can easily rip your heart open...right?

Once look. One-touch. One word. And everything starts to crumble down.

Ang daya. Sobrang daya.

***

The wind breezed into my face, my body starting to shiver from the cold air.

Nakakamiss pala...sobra.

It's been...huh, years- a lot of years.

Napatawa ako ng mahina sa sarili ko. Ang tagal na pala. Parang hindi naman. Fresh pa 'din kasi 'e.

I just got back from London yesterday. I've been gone for almost....5 years? I left after graduating college and went to med school in London.

I was supposed to come back.