Happily Ever After Comes At A Price

Chapter 37: Relations

   It's been two months. Quite long months. Quite different ones too. I'm better now. The hurricane in my head is still there. But now I'm in the quiet of the eye, no longer being swept away. The storm is still raging, but my thoughts are now at a standstill. It's as if my anchor found the land. I'm returning back to the person I used to be. It terrifies me. Every time I smile, a crash of guilt washes over me. I shouldn't be happy. But I am, sometimes, in some rare moments... 

***

   Zahar's in a really good mood, and that's saying something considering the fact that he's always chirpy. One would think that the happiness would get exhausting after a while, but it didn't. He knows when I need space and when I need a friend. Friends... Is that what we were now? I'm scared of what he might think of that. I'm scared because I've come to believe that no good thing ever lasts in my life. And that after a while, after I get attached to him, to the idea of us, life will take him away from me too. I don't think I'll ever be able to get myself together if I'm broken again.

   The will was to be finalized today, the money will be transferred to him after he shows our marital papers to the lawyer. The idea takes me back to the first night in this house, the way Zahar pleaded to have us worked out. Anyone else could've filed for a divorce within a fortnight - what use would anyone have of a weeping broken girl. But he made no such insinuation. He took it upon him to make my days better. And he sure did...

   Our house was on the quieter outskirts of the city. The lawyer thought it would be best to meet up at his father's house. I frowned internally to think I would be meeting my in-laws officially. Our first impressions were not keen on each other. The only reassurance I had was Zahar was intent on insisting that there was no need for me to go there too. 

   "What's the use of meeting people you no longer have to meet for the rest of your life? Trust me, you're better off miles away from that toxicity..." was his exact words.

   I agreed with him but I still wanted to go. I wanted to get out of the house, I wanted to be there with him when he meets the people he loathes, I wanted to be his support if he needed any... It was the least I could do after everything he did for me.

***

   The drive wasn't long. Zahar was silent throughout the journey and my mind fiddled to where his thoughts could be. It was like a sense of deja vu. But I mused on how much had changed. The first time, I was petrified - today I felt safe and harboured. I tugged the ends of my hijab. An aura of nervousness wrapped around us. I just hoped the day would end well.

***

   The door is opened by the same shrill voice I heard not so long ago. Funnily enough when I looked at her pale face and hawk-like gaze, I didn't remember anything. I don't think I've seen any of his family members on the day we got married. I just remember Zahar's eyes searching mine. She means nothing to me, and soon she'll mean nothing to the man beside me too. Some broken families are simply not worth mourning over.

   The step mother in law's eyes assess me in a disparaging gaze but I don't move from my stand. Two months ago I couldn't meet anybody's eyes, today mine won't falter. I smile at the frowning Zahar beside me as we both cross the threshold of his childhood home.

   The lawyer was already present and within an hour all documents were signed and tucked away in neat piles. Palpable tension dominated the room as the father and son duo sat opposite each other, Zahar glaring at his father and his father in a self-satisfied smirk. Snacks were brought out by his step-mother- only to be touched by the lawyer and the master of the house itself. Never had I ever seen Zahar this tensed. His jaw was locked, fists clenched and tiny blue-green veins protruding from his temples. I wanted to hold his hand and tell him I was here for him, but I could dare myself to, at least not in front of others. For the first time in a long while, my mind was devoid of my own concerns - I could only think of the man sitting beside me, who was trying desperately to control his erratic breathing. A flash of memory of the time we hugged tugs plays on the back of my mind. I wanted to give him the physical assurance that everything would be alright, but I couldn't... Who was I to assure him anything?