Baby Steps

33

My legs itched from the black dress I was wearing, which I swore I'll burn once I get home. We said goodbye to Kit today, for the last time. I remembered staring at the marble stone at the head of the grave as people cried and mourned around me.

'Kitlynn Saoirse Daniels.'

Her real name was Kitlynn. No wonder she hated it.

That night was also fresh in my mind, so fresh that I've been dreaming of it since then. I flinch when stuff fell, I dodge flashing lights, loud noises drive me insane. Demetri's been spending the past three nights in my room to wake me when I have nightmares. And still, the feeling that Kit wasn't with us anymore still hasn't sunk in. I keep expecting her to skate past me with her skateboard, for her to make some witty remark whenever Mikey does something silly, or just to cover my eyes from behind to surprise me.

I cried. A lot. Seeing her flawless white coffin sinking deeper and deeper into the ground... I didn't really see that. I cried into Demetri's chest while that part was happening. But yes, the coffin was flawless, just like our dear Kit inside of it used to be. I remembered her parents kneeling down the grave while crying. She was their only child.

They didn't take the news well that night. The police asked us all these questions, not caring if we were shocked and traumatized. Was she under the influence of alcohol? Did she smoke? Did she have any addictions? Did they have to refer to her in the past tense? The person who drove that car was caught, who turned out to be a drunk guy who was leaving the club shortly after us. He couldn't even remember hitting Kit when it happened.

Jamie, Mikey and their parents were there, as well as Cory and his mom. A few classmates also showed up, Jezebel and Luke, too. Her belly really showed through the dress she was wearing. Even Brit was there. If Kit knew her first crush was at her funeral, I bet she'd punch through that lid to see if we were serious. My eyes started burning all over again. I wiped my eyes and in the process grazed the friendship piercing I got with Jamie and Kit.

Our trio's down to two.

To think, she missed her first date with that Ava girl, who doesn't even know the girl that she kissed is dead. We didn't know how to contact her and Kit's lock on her phone was impossible to crack. She wanted to go to college the next year to get a degree in art. So many goals that she'll never get to achieve.

I felt a presence on my left. Jamie sniffed and laid her head on my shoulder. Wasn't long before Cory sat down on my right and gave me a side hug, while Mikey rested his head on my lap. They did a lot of crying as well. Anyone who lost their best friend will cry.

"I can't believe-"

"Don't." Jamie interrupted Mikey, "We've been saying that since that night and it didn't make anything easier. We'll just have to accept that she's in a better place now and let her rest in peace. Kit would've wanted that."

Cory's red eyes slightly lit up, "She would've wanted us to throw one heck of a party at her funeral."

I sighed with sad nostalgia, "I bet where she is now graffiti is considered art."

We all looked up as Kit's parents approached us, both their eyes still red and puffy. Her mother seemed to be on the verge of crying again when she saw the four of us and clasped her hand over her mouth to stop the silent sobs.

"Gang." Mrs Daniels greeted us in his usual normal way. That hasn't changed. He always greeted us with 'gang' or 'band' since we were so many names to remember. "We've done a little cleaning in Kitty's room." Her dad sighed, "You four should drop by and see if you want anything of hers. There's a lot of pictures and personal stuff like that. We're not throwing anything out, just storing it."

"It's hard to look at them." Mrs Daniels murmured, "Please drop by today. We want to put the boxes in the attic before dark."

"Will do, Mrs and Mr Daniels," Mikey said before they left.

We all got up to go home, mourn in our own rooms. I took a detour to Kit's house, literally driving behind her parents. Mom and Dad understood when I told them I needed the alone time and that they could go home without worrying. Convincing Demetri to go home without me was a little harder, though.

"Here's all the stuff you can choose from." Mr Daniels showed me what's left of Kit's room since her mom got too emotional when coming near it, "You may have anything you want. But first, here." He gave me a red leather book with doodles carved into the cover, along with a small key to unlock it, "I think Kit would've wanted you to have this. She started keeping a diary when she first met you."

"Thank you, Mr Daniels." I smiled sadly, "I'll just have a look around and head home. You can join Mrs Daniels, she needs the support more."

He left with a single nod. I wandered around in Kit's white room. Her skateboard collection was removed from the walls behind her bed and stored in cartons. Her books and CD's were gone, her clothes, too. Everything was packed.

I took an empty box and placed the diary inside, along with some of her books, her artworks and sketchbooks, most of the pictures of the five of us and of Kit and I, I even took a few of her clothes since they all smelled of her and it made me feel closer to her. Last but not least, I took the skateboard she loved the most, the one Tony Hawk personally signed when she met him once. I left the house that felt like home.

On the way, I stopped to look at the diary. Kit clearly decorated it herself because everything symbolized graffiti. She didn't even finish this diary either. I opened at her last entry and saw at least a hundred blank pages still left open.

'Dear Diary

Our first and best vacation came to an end. So much has happened that brought Grace, Jamie, Mikey, Cory and I closer. And I don't mean physically closer as in sharing a tiny tent with my two BFFs, but mentally and emotionally closer. I have no more secrets for them, they know about my biggest one.

I remember when I had a tiny crush on Grace when I first met her. Thank goodness that never happened. Jamie and Cory are a thing now. It's both gross and cool. But as I said, the vacation came to an end.

I applied to a college and got in! I can't wait to start and use my talent for real. One of the wishes I wished at Delphi's came true. I guess that's the reason why people don't say their wishes out loud, in case they might not happen. I hope to see the second one come true and see all my friends getting married one day. Seeing them so in love made me wonder what it felt like to have someone special like that. I hope to find someone someday.

And this is where I'm ending this entry. Time to go clubbing!

Kit, over and out.'

By the end of the page, I was crying.

She did get into college, she did find someone that same night, but she never got to add that in her diary. This really was Kit over and out. She'll never see any of us walking down the aisle, or attend college. Her artwork will never reach the hearts of those who'll appreciate it.

Why? Why did it have to be Kit?!

Kit took a piece of me with her to her grave, a piece that I'll never find again. To think, I was planning on asking to get turned into a vampire after the vacation. But that plan went down the drain. I didn't want to become immortal now. Immortals can't cry. I needed to mourn, needed to get all these negative emotions out of my system. I didn't know how long it would take to get over her death, but would Demetri understand that I wanted to wait?

I missed Kit.