Infinity Minus One (Inanimate Insanity)

He Lost Inanimate Insanity

Marshmallow wouldn't consider herself a reality TV expert by any means — hardly even a fan — but she was fairly certain that most competently-run competition shows had less stupidity to them than Inanimate Insanity did.

For example! People generally tried their best at the challenge of the day, right? That wasn't the case on this show at all. OJ sat around ordering Chinese Food, so he got thrown out. Then Paper got the cut because he couldn't even withstand a lemon to the face. You'd really expect people to be willing to fight for a million dollars.

That wasn't to say she had any complaints about Knife being out.

As for their host?

Well, considering the newbies were blasting each other with exploding paint, in a way-unnecessary show of brutal force...

Speaking of, with a scream, the final contender was out. MePhone put an arm around the triumphant contestant. "The winner is Apple," he declared, "so she will have immunity."

"Yeah!" Apple exclaimed.

"The next challenge will be to determine which team wins the new contestant," MePhone explained. "Today we'll be having a three-part race. Whoever gets their baton across the finish-line first wins. Without further ado, the people who will be competing today are..." A computer screen behind MePhone lit up; it would be Nickel, Lightbulb, and Baseball for Team Chickenleg, and Bomb, Pickle, and...

Marsh stood up straighter. Time to bring it home.

***

MePhone 4's smiling face was the first thing Marsh saw when she came to. "Thank goodness for MeLife! Technology sure is something."

"Uhhh, yeah." Marsh eyed him weirdly for a second, then started to walk away.

It took Marsh a moment to remember what happened as she walked away. She frowned as the memory poured in. She'd hardly even gotten a glimpse of Baseball before a stiff breeze sent her careening off the boardwalk and onto the blade below. She'd hardly gotten to think about it before her world went black.

So basically, the relay race didn't work out - even though victory had been so close she could practically taste it.

Marsh's pride was as scuffed as her well-loved Walmart card. Her stomach tossed as she remembered what that meant... another elimination.

Not to mention losing out on the reward-

"Hmmmm..." She followed the source of that strange voice, raising an eyebrow. She ducked behind a bush and peered through its branches: the new contestant was sitting alone, save for the book propped up beside her. "Before you go, can you just remind me what II means?"

The book wasn't alive nor had it ever been alive. Marsh opened her mouth to answer her, but she - didn't MePhone 4 call her Apple? - quickly corrected herself. "Oh wait, I guess I should be asking my new teammates. I'm so used to being alone that I forgot!"

'That's sad,' Marsh thought, perhaps a bit smugly, before her stomach twisted. 'It's a shame she's not my teammate.'

"Uhhhh, who's there?" Apple exclaimed, looking around wildly, and Marsh's heart skipped a beat.

Before Marsh could speak, someone else cut in, "Yo yo epic yo!" Lightbulb stopped next to Apple. "Welcome to Team Chickenleg, vitamin C!"

Marsh felt something shift in her. 'Why does it feel like I should be the one talking to her?'

"Are you the team leader?"

"No, that's the gray gal. My name's Lightbulb!"

"Oh." Apple paused. "What's a lightbulb?"

"Whatever it wants to be. Now c'mere, you gotta meet Baseball and Taco!"

As Lightbulb dragged Apple off, Marsh's brow furrowed.

She had been prepared for the sourness of her defeat to wash over her...

What she wasn't prepared for was that incredible sense of deja-vu. Make no mistake, in the depths of her heart, she knew this didn't feel right.

***

One dim afternoon, watching Apple and Lightbulb jump amongst crunchy autumn leaves, Marsh made her feelings known: "Do you ever get the feeling that something is off?"

"About what?"

"Everything. It's like someone broke into my house and moved everything two inches to the right, except on the cosmic scale. Maybe that's why everything in this competition is so stupid."

"Or maybe MePhone doesn't know what he's doing," Paintbrush offered. They hadn't even looked up from the pumpkin they were carving since Marsh started talking.

"Oh, without a doubt. It just feels like more than that."

Lightbulb handed Apple something that made her beam with glee. Marsh blinked and shook her head, her heart stuttering.

"You agree those two should be here with us, right?"

Paintbrush looked up and noticed the Team Chickenleggers frolicking about. After a moment, they frowned. "Now that you mention it..."

"See?" Marsh exclaimed, gesturing. "And she's the weirdest thing about all of this."

Paintbrush finally looked at Marsh. "...Lightbulb?"

"Apple! It- feels like I've met her before— maybe in a dream. But I don't remember what it was about, when I had it, or even if it was a dream. Either way, I think I know her from somewhere. How else would it feel like I know her?" Then again, she often felt as though things weren't right - she'd accepted that as the reality of this show. That was a whole can of worms she was wholly unprepared to explain, though. "It's been bothering me a lot. Where would I know her from?"

"Maybe you should ask her?"

Marsh scoffed, "How could I without looking like a creep?"

"I doubt she cares about that."

"Maybe." Lightbulb threw a bunch of leaves onto Apple's head; she shook them off like she was a dog. "Tell me I'm going crazy."

"I'm not sure I can do that." Paintbrush paused. Marsh looked at them with interest. "...During the first challenge, I saw Lightbulb trying to get my attention, but she didn't look out of it like the rest of us. But I turned around, and she was right there, standing with everyone else. It was like I was seeing double! I know it must sound really stupid, though-"

"It's no stupider than how I feel." Marsh jumped to her feet, suddenly feeling full of energy. "I wonder how that relates to this weird deja-vu. "

"It could be a coincidence," Paintbrush answered, but didn't sound convinced.

"Yes." Marsh shook her head. "Ugh, you'll have to forgive me for getting excited - I'm just so glad that I'm not alone."

"It's OK." Paintbrush briefly smiled, then looked off to the side. "I just wish I could remember the question I had..."

"Maybe asking them will dredge something up. For all we know, they feel the same way we do. Here'll, I'll go check-"

Marsh froze as she whirled around. The instant set her eyes on Apple again, her stomach filled with moths. She couldn't bring herself to go closer because of- as stupid as it was, nerves!

So she immediately turned back around.

"M-maybe I'll ask tomorrow instead, though," Marsh stammered with a nervous laugh. "It is getting late..."

"Uh, yeah," Paintbrush raised an eyebrow. "There's no rush."

Marsh took a deep breath, reminding herself of just that. "Right..."