Infinity Minus One (Inanimate Insanity)

And a Crappy New Year

The snow was cold and soggy under Pepper's feet, and the air nipped at her like a very nasty, frosty Chihuahua, but the steam from the two mugs of hot chocolate she held warmed her. If there was one thing she was proud of, it was her ability to make a mean hot chocolate. Even better, because she was presently the only one to have it, she got to feel the flame of self-importance without much effort at all. That was new.

A familiar pair of arms wrapped around Pepper; with a sharp clink, she felt a familiar weight against her back. Salt groaned quietly, "Pepperrrrrr..."

"Salty-Salt," Pepper answered fondly. She tried to orient herself so she could see Salt, but with Salt's face buried in her back, that wasn't a go.

"'M so cold," Salt muttered. "Need you."

"I got your back, girlfriend," Pepper told her, and bumped one of her mugs against Salt's side.

Salt nuzzled her side a bit before finally looking at Pepper's offering. In a hurry, Salt grabbed the mug (pink, Salt's favorite) and sipped from it. She sighed appreciatively. "You know I love your hot chocolate, Pep..."

For a moment, Pepper savored the moment. It was just her and her favorite girl in the world, a beacon of warmth in a cold world. She genuinely could've stayed there all day, and then some.

T'was a shame that she wasn't so lucky.

"Canoodling is strictly forbidden in my show!" In a snap, the mood was ruined. MePhone 4S as he stepped in front of them. "Meet me by the big snowman at the lake for your next challenge! That's an order!"

Pepper sighed. The fact that she had to spend today listening to 4S and not her favorite snow angel had to be a hate crime. The new host was so hard to listen to, and it seemed like he never had anything nice to say. Some people might say the same things about Salt, but at least Salt had style.

"So annoying," Salt muttered, and began trudging over. Pepper, as always, followed.

***

Salt and Pepper weren't the only ones at the meeting point. In fact, they arrived less than two minutes before 4S threw the last contestant, Apple, into the snow. "When I tell you to get over here, you get over here! NO QUESTIONS!" he barked.

"B-but-"

"SHUT UP! Okay... first things first. It's time for the elimination! Pickle is eliminated because he sucks."

"What?!"

"Is that even how the viewers voted?" Balloon frowned. "You can't eliminate someone just because you don't like them."

"Then I'll eliminate him because every single viewer wants him gone! Because he SUCKS! He got 400 votes, so he says 'hasta la vista.'"

"I demand proof," Pickle shouted, before being launched into the stratosphere by the fist-thingy. It looked painful; 4S had augmented it with spikes, after all.

"Before the next challenge, I need to explain something new I am adding to this game. Starting now, all of you guys have three lives. If you die in the contest, you'll lose a life and be disqualified from the current challenge. But if you win a challenge, you will be awarded with one life. If you lose all three of your lives, you will be terminated from this competition, permanently. Got it?"

"Actually, I had a question about-" Paintbrush began to ask, but 4S rudely interrupted them.

"Bah, I can't stand questions! Besides, we have much more urgent matters on our hands, because Santa Claus is coming to town!"