This morning I came to the realization that I need time for myself, so I found myself walking the gardens. I try my best to relax and focus on the beautiful sounds of nature but my mind is plagued with concern; Cersie, did you run like I told you sister? Tell me you haven't done anything to Lord Stark, let him rule in peace until Jeoffrey is of age, be smart sister... Oh and Jaime, you big moron better have listened to me, keep her in check... and Tyrion were in the fuck are you?! This is all that I have been able to think about since I started my journey back here. Why did father send me so far away from our family, I can't help from here.
"Flower." Gods, just what I needed. "We need to talk." I move my hand idly and both Elyn, Tayta and Morgana walk away, but I never turn to meet him, I wait until he is standing by my side and we begin to walk in silence. "I'm sorry-" I stop dead in my tracks, that was certainly unexpected. He stopped won't still won't look at me, I am facing his back and I... "I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were alone, like your life here is always in danger... I am your husband whether we like it or not and I failed you... it's just hard for me every time I look at you I am debating whether to kill or kiss you and *sigh* I want to be better.. I spent the entire night pondering on this dance that's been separating us since the beginning, I want it to change course and bring us together... I want you Flower" He starts turning but I can't face him, so I turn my back to him, what am I supposed to do with this... kindness? I hear him take a deep breath and a step closer to me, he is so close I can feel his warmth, and I find my voice at last.
"Why did you break your promise?" I hate how broken my voice sounds but I am losing every ounce of control to him, it takes him a couple of seconds but finally "I didn't"
I turn to him so fast I almost got dizzy, he looks deep into my eyes and suddenly nothing else is in focus, only those eyes "At the beginning I wanted you to think Ellaria was more important than our promise, I wanted to hurt you... and after our wedding I couldn't bring myself to admit the hundreds of letter I have written to you over the years you were gone..." Breathing comes harder to me each passing second, my heart is beating so fast it scares me, what is this feeling?
"But now that I have to see you everyday looking like a total goddess and smiling to everyone at court and seeing you laugh with my daughters, being happy around everyone but me, it kills me... I see you and I know that you are not mine, not even with my mark embedded in your back... and I can't do it anymore" I don't know how but he has me against a wall, just like that first night in my gardens... I find my voice, but it comes as a whisper "That, but much worse is how I feel every time you look at her... every time you choose her over me... You have humiliated me in every way possible, and still I begged my sister to spare your life, and worse I had to lie to my brother and tell him that I was happy so that he would let me come back... "
I feel tears preckel my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. He looks broken as he touches my cheek, seeing the toll his actions have taken on me and says the one thing that could knock the breath out of me "I'll send her away... You were right, she has manipulated me into forgetting my responsibilities to my people and to you. I no longer want to be a joke to Westeros, to my daughters, my brother, you... she'll leave the palace grounds... just give me another chance Flower, please-"
I pull him down and kiss him hard, he responds in equal ferocity both his hands caging me against the wall, when be both pull apart for air he looks hopefully into my eyes, and I say "Promise me something beloved" "Anything" I look between his eyes and say "I am capable of anything in order to protect my family... only the gods know why, but I need you to never forget that I would turn on them to protect you and our daughters without a second thought... Promise me to never forget again that I AM YOUR WIFE"
His smile is one I had not seen since Tyrion introduced me to Tysha... a smile of pure happiness and respect... he grabs my neck and waist pulling us a closely as possible, our kiss is so fierce and passionate that it puts to shame the greatest love stories... we pour everything into it, years of separation, of doubt and attraction, of hate turned to.... love. I lose track of everything around us because this man right here is my world and I will no longer deny it.
***
A couple of days have gone by since Oberyn and I started building a true relationship, he sent Ellaria away and now we sleep in the same chambers. Everything is falling into place and so I find myself again walking the gardens, the girls don't say anything and leave me to enjoy this rare moment of peace. "My Lady!" I turn to and see the deeply disturbed expression on Toko's face, fucking hell, what now? "Terrible news my Lady..." I hold my hand to keep him quiet, and immediately make my way to my gardens for privacy, Henry stands guard outside and Henry is inside with me. "What has happened now?" Elyn speaks in hush "Toko you are shaking" she reaches out and kneels besides him to hold his hand, he looks back up at me with nothing but fear, "Toko you are starting to scare me" I allow my mask to fall and my despair is evident to all, what has happened...
"My Lady so much has gone wrong... your father's army is situated in the Riverlands terrorizing the Tully's because Lady Catelyn Stark apparently holds your brother Lord Tyrion captive..." but Tyrion went to the Wall, what wrong could he have done? "Your brother Lord Jaime attacked Lord Eddard Stark, demanding the return of your brother and fled Kings Landing to meet with your father... " Moron! You were supposed to be smarter, supposed to keep Cersie in check, "And your nephew has taken the throne against King Robert's final wishes and has imprisoned Lord Stark for treason... " fuck, fuck, FUCK. "And... I know who poisoned the whore... it was a kitchen maid, paid by your father, apparently she has been doing it since your wedding day, so no one will ever figure out it was poison" it has all gone to the fucking shithole.
Rage like the one I felt when I saw Johna's body invade mine, "Why in the name of the Seven am I just hearing about this?!" Toko gulps and darts his eyes down, "Someone has been intercepting our bird's messages." For fucks sake, someone is going to die today. "What do you mean someone? WHO?!" he shrinks and whispers "I don't know yet my Lady, but Laso and Tommy are looking into it as we speak." Gods, no, nononono NO! "Toko, ready only our most trusted birds, to carry out orders and find my husband"
We have been sleeping in our destined chambers since that day in the gardens so to start a real relationship. We agreed to start trusting each other after he sent Ellaria away, so I told him everything, including my fathers actions, not that he was surprised, and together we agreed that we can't really do anything from here. I can just advise my relatives and hope for the best outcome to the war that will surely break out with the North, and I hate it... I hate that I am so far away and useless.
--Nyke jikagon iā letter naejot ñuha kepa se ivestragon zirȳla naejot daor Jelmor, issi olvie kraj se incredibly stubborn. Iā letter naejot ñuha mandia, zirȳla naejot gaomagon zirȳla fucking bartos se daor ivestragī jeoffrey gaomagon mirros naejot bona vala, kesrio syt ziry would sagon suicide. Iā letter naejot Āria, naejot sagon smart nūmāzma zirȳla se naejot escape se capital hae aderī hae kostas lēda Sānsa. Nyke would emagon jorrāelatan naejot jikagon iā letter naejot Tȳhrion yn eman daor idea hae naejot skoriot issa. Se vīlībāzma naejot retrieve iā avenge āeksio Edhārd Stārke, warden hen jelmor, kessa determine se future hen mirre Vesteros (I send a letter to my father and tell him to not underestimate the North, they are very powerful and incredibly stubborn. A letter to my sister, telling her to use her fucking head and not let Jeoffrey do anything to that man, because it would be suicide. A letter to Arya, to be smart about her less than favorable situation and to escape the capital as soon as she can with Sansa. I would have loved to send a letter to Tyrion but I have no idea as to where he is. The war to retrieve or avenge Lord Eddard Stark, Warden of the North, will determine the future of all Westeros)--
Gods help us all.
A/N
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A Dance of Lions and Snakes (O. Martell)
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