Anxiously Yours

Chapter 13 - Truth

Peter

There was a loud knock at my door, prompting me to wake with a jolt. My heart was hammering in my chest, but I calmed slightly once I heard my friend's loud voice, "Peter! I'm worried about you, you've been locked in here since you got home," Evan called loudly.

I looked at my alarm clock and saw that I had been lying in bed for nearly most of the day. It seemed I had dozed off at some point, but it was a reminder that I didn't wish to face reality. Not only that, but I didn't want to recount the event with my best friend. What if Evan took back all his statements about me making progress, and started hating me for screwing up, so badly, yet again?

"Peter, I'm coming in!"

It was just my luck that I forgot to lock the door. I lifted my head and saw the knob turn, the door opening slowly.

"Peter, Jesus Christ, why are you mopping?" Evan said as he tore the covers from my body. He was faced with my pathetic position, curled up into my pillows, staring into my brown, red-rimmed, puffy eyes.

Concern and worry replaced his aggressive glare and those emotions tipped me over the edge, my tears bursting from me once again. "Oh my god Peter, what's the matter?! Did Rob do something? Did he hurt you?" Evan said, climbing into the bed instantly, grabbing me into his arms. He started to rub soothing circles into my back as I got his shirt wet with my tears.

I shook my head no, unable to speak, but not wanting Ev to get the wrong idea. It wasn't Rob, it was me, I was the failure.

After a while of Evan's soothing words and comforting hand, I calmed down a little and wiped my eyes with my hand. I tried to sit up, but Evan was reluctant to let me out of his grip, I sighed and looked up at him, ready to speak my truth, "I ruined it Ev, I messed up so badly and I'm sure Rob hates me. I ruined our night together and he's never going to want to see me again. One minute I'm having the most passionate kiss of my life and the next my heart is going off like a jackhammer. I mean, I get being scared and nervous, but I was downright terrified and pushed Rob away. I'm just so scared because Rob is so experienced and has had other partners! Then here's me, someone who didn't even have their first real kiss till last night! I feel like an idiot."

Evan's grip tightened and he hugged me into his chest, "Peter stop that! I know you aren't the most experienced guy, but Rob is there to guide you and help you. If you don't know how to touch him the right way, he'll show you and you'll just learn from that. Just because you're inexperienced means little to nothing, he knew that from the start!"

"Bu-"

"But nothing Peter, just think about all the new pleasures you'll get to explore with Rob, the places he can take you, and even the things you can do to him with that cute little body," A blushed graced my face at his teasing tone, but I shook my head that was lodged in his chest.

"Ev, still, it was so bad, and I don't even know if I want to face him!"

"Well, tell me what happened exactly, and I'll see if it was as bad as you said it was."

And I told him about the electric kiss and how it made me feel. How the kiss left me stupefied and exhilarated, but that quickly turned into anxiety. Evan looked concerned and honestly, I was upset with the look of pity. I hated it, but I continued recounting the night.

"I think you need to talk to Rob Pete, I also understand your embarrassment, but it's something you need to address. Even if you never see Rob again, it's something you need to talk about."

"He says he wants to talk; I personally want to fade away, never to be seen again."

Evan's concerned look was still plastered on his face, and he didn't laugh at my attempt to make a joke. I was grateful because I found nothing funny, I just felt really pathetic.