Before the Dawn

Chapter Five

'Today was different than most days. I went out in the daylight instead of waiting for night to fall. I met a god, so unlike others. He did not fall to his knees murmuring of my beauty and beg that I be his. No, he simply smiled and asked me if I'd like to join him by the river. I sat by the river without a word, like I had every night for as long as I can remember.

He was silent, too, the god. His hair, like rays of sunshine shone in the light. His eyes, like scorching flames, bore into mine unblinkingly. He told me that he was Bel, Celtic god of the sun and fire.

The irony of it all amuses me. The daughter of Night and the god of Sun.

 - Thanatos'

 

The memory unfolds before me as I read. The immortal realm is breath taking but it's not what captivates my attention. No, it's the fiery god beside the river that holds my gaze.

Oh, my, he looks so. . . happy. Theo is so very different than the last time I saw him. Innocence mixes with his aura of radiance. He's carefree and happy and young. Am I the one who corrupted him? Am I the reason that his carefree god of sun has turned dark?

I take in his features, committing every single perfect detail to memory. I will remember him like this, happy, free, not the wicked, hateful creature that my lost god has become.

Distantly, I hear the sound of a door opening. The memory swiftly retreats back into the depths of my mind. I blink a few times, batting away the black spots that cloud my vision. Swiftly, I hide the journal behind my back, just as Declan strides into the room.

I'm full of guilt. Only days into our relationship and I'm already hiding things from him. It's not right, but what am I suppose to do? I need to remember all of my past and I doubt that Declan would want me to remember my time with Theo, especially before I'd even met Declan. Oh, gods, what do I do?

"There you are, love," my warrior chuckles. "I was  beginning to worry that you'd run out on me."

A strange feeling settles over me. "Of course not, Arawn. You keep too close a watch for that," I mutter almost bitterly before I consciously decide to speak them. The words are not my own, or perhaps they are; an older version of sorts. I frown at myself.

Declan cocks his head to the side, looking at me oddly. "You're beginning to sound more and more like yourself everyday, love," he says with a small smile tugging at his lips.

All I can do is stare at him and force a smile onto my face. Why had I sounded so bitter when I said that? It's a good thing that Declan keeps a close eye on me, is it not? He's doing his job as my warrior, as he should be, so why the feeling of annoyance? I should be happy! I've been reunited with my warrior-slash-lover and am currently relaxing in the Underworld with him far away from the evil god that wants to ruin everything, so why do I feel worried?

I shuffle into our bedroom behind Declan, kicking around a new thought. It's a thought that Declan might not be exactly happy with.

Declan sits on the edge of the bed with a heaved sigh and rests his elbows on his thighs. "Alright, love, tell me what's on your mind," he says with a knowing look.

How had I ever managed to hide anything from this man in the past? He knows me too well.

"I'm worried, Declan," I say finally.

Declan lets out a half chuckle and massages his hands. "There's nothing to be worried about, my love. You're safe," he tells me calmly, like I'm being ridiculous.

I throw up my hands helplessly and look over his shoulder.

"It's not me that I'm worried about, Declan. It's everybody else. My friends, my family- they're all in danger because of me. How long will it be before Theo is done waiting for me to show up and goes after my family and friends instead? And what about the other gods? Are we just going to let them die? We can't just hide out in the Underworld and pretend that nothing's wrong," By the end of my speech, I'm standing in front of Declan, chest heaving. Even now that he's sitting we're nearly eye level with each other.

He frowns at me and furrows his eyebrows.

"You are my main concern, Thanatos. You come first before anyone else. I'm not about to put you into danger for the sake of a few mortals. I know it sounds harsh but that's just the way it is. I wouldn't be able to go on if something happened to you, Thanatos," Declan says through his teeth, visibly trying to restrain himself. He grips my hand tightly in his, trying to get me to see his side.

I gape at his blatant disregard of my loved one's safety. Outraged, I yank my hand from his grasp and step back away from him.

"How can you talk about my friend's lives like that? They were your friends too once upon a time," I spit at him, crossing my arms across my chest defiantly, "What, so now that you're a god again everybody else is below you? News flash, Declan, I don't give a shit if it's dangerous, I will protect my friends."

With a growl, Declan stands looking more like the dark, merciless god of the Underworld he is than I've ever seen him look before. I hold my ground with a cool facade but on the inside, I'm frightened by this sudden change in him and a little turned on.

"You think I want to see our friends harmed?" Declan growls once he's mere inches from me. "Of course  I don't but you come first, Thanatos. You always have and you always will."

I sigh in resignation, dropping my arms to my sides. Then I place my hands on his broad, muscled chest in an attempt to calm him.

"I know, Declan, and I love you for that. But what am I going to do? I can't let them get hurt because of me," I say helplessly, leaning into my warrior.

Declan lets out a gentle sigh and wraps his arms around me. "I know, love," he pauses for a moment before continuing. "I'll go back to the mortal realm and try to find out what Bel is up to. I'll check on your friends while I'm there to make sure that they're safe as well."

With my cheek pressed to his chest, I hug him tight.

"Thank you," I whisper.

If I can't go see them myself, then this is the next best thing. A frown tugs at my lips at the odd feeling in my chest. I'm doing the right thing, so why does it feel so wrong?

"Just promise me that you'll stay safe," he whispers against my forehead, placing a single, soft kiss there, "I love you."

And, just like that, my warrior was gone. I'm left, arms wrapped firmly around myself, wondering if I did the right thing.