Chapter 11

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Author ~ TRIGGER WARNING Self Harm and Depression are mentioned in this chapter. Bold "*****" will indicate where it starts and stops for anyone who needs to skip or take a breath. Otherwise, enjoy the next chapter finally.


In the middle of the night Maya wakes up and I help her freshen up. She takes a shower and wears some of my pj's. I quickly braid her hair in two cornrows like mine. I wear a scarf around my head and have satin line pillows for my hair. I give her a scarf so we match and take a picture for memories.

We drink some hot milk and watch a short movie. Then I tuck her into the guest bedroom bed, even though she's too old.

I pat her forehead while sitting on the side and say "You wanna talk about it?"

She begins "He was dancing with me and I can't help but think he wanted to be with her. When they are together they click. When we are together we clash. It's awkward even though I want it not to be. Then I can feel Riley's emotions miles away and it just- I don't know my feelings for him honestly. It's all around. I just want someone to click together with. Someone who will choose me. Someone who loves. Riley is my best friend but it's like I'm just the side character sometimes with a crappy life. I don't want to the side character"and when she finishes she is crying again

"A crappy life makes you stronger Maya. You are SO STRONG! Sometimes I look at you and am so jealous because your so great. DO you know I'm always so proud of you for being YOU. Not changing into Riley but being Maya Hart. It's also okay to be yourself. If you try to be Riley Matthews who will be Maya Hart? Because I will miss her. I didn't talk to hours to Riley on the phone but the real Maya. I'm not going to lie and say you'll alwyas be exactly the same. You'll grow into a women, evolve as person, and change. But only change because you want to, because you want to be better for yourself. Not because you want to be something your not. But even if you make those mistakes you always come bac to the Maya I''m proud of okay?" 

She whispers "Your proud of me? After all I have done? Being who I am?"

"That's what I said munchkin. I am proud of you every day baby. You will find someone for you but that may not be now. You have your whole life ahead of you. Follow all you dreams. You my little fighter are gonna do big things. You'll figure out your feelings but no matter a value yourself. You and Riles will be okay. But you have to talk to her real. Tell how you feel, set boundaries, and most of all never let a boy come between y'all. Y'all do some crazy things but you guys are great friends.  Your gonna be big, I see it in your eyes.""

She cries and whispers "Thank you."

I shake my head and stand up. I walk to her side and kiss her forehead "No need to say thank you. I'm telling you the truth."

I'm about to leave the room when she begins "C-can I...I-"

I shake my head knowing what she's trying to say with a smile. "Yeah let's go."

Me and Maya get and my bed and go to sleep

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It's been a few days and I have completely ignored Joshua. I've not been ok mentally and I just don't want to deal with this situation now or forever. Sometimes he will see on campus and I go the other way. Other times he would come to my apartment, he knows he the hidden key is, and I have to tell him to leave.

We haven't talked in while.

I haven't eaten anything today which is bad for it being in the afternoon. I just feel so out of it. It's not just Josh but me falling into a darkness. I don't feel anything. I scratch my wrist-

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