A Losing Game

"Stay with Me"

            Roderick met up with several clients and sold them what they'd hit him up for. As he made his way around the city, he thought about Jacory. It had been two days since he told Jacory they should stop talking to each other and while he did regret it, he noticed Jacory and Nate had been doing better. It had also been two days since he last talked to Reece. After accidentally calling Reece by Jacory's name, Roderick knew it was going to take a lot to make up for the mistake. He found himself worrying if it was even worth it. While he did care for Reece, he knew nothing serious would ever develop between them. On the other hand, he felt guilty for stringing Reece along. Then again, who else could satisfy his sexual needs other than him getting himself off with his left hand?

            "Reece, don't hang up," he said into the phone while standing outside the stash house. "Baby, I said I was sorry."

            "Fuck you, Rod," Reece said angrily on the other end.

            "The twins' Halloween party is in a couple of days and you know I want you to go with me. We can dress up in whatever you want. Come on, Reese's Pieces."

            "Why were you thinkin' about him? What is so fuckin' special about Jacory?"

            Roderick sighed and replied, "He was my first."

            "And? That don't mean shit."

            "Reece, you don't still think about your first love?"

            "You are my first love. I didn't love none of the niggas I fucked with before you."

            "How about your first time? I know you probably still feel somethin' special for whoever took your virginity."

            "No. My first time...was complicated. I was thirteen and I didn't really want to do it."

            "What? What do you mean?"

            "It wasn't like rape or anything like that. I was just...manipulated." He exhaled slowly before explaining, "Me and my momma used to live in another building. It was over on Lennox, where they put that new hotel last year. I used to babysit my neighbor's two-year-old little girl. My neighbors were like in their early twenties, like twenty-two. The woman, Gia, she was very nice but a little clueless. And the guy, Damien, he seemed nice."

            His voice began to crack as he continued, "Everything was going fine until Damien started buying me clothes and giving me extra money. I thought he was doing it so that I would continue watching their baby, but it wasn't long before he asked for something in return. It started with me giving him head; and eventually, he took my virginity. I think my momma knew about it but didn't say anything because we moved in a hurry not long after me and him did it."

            "Reece, you were just thirteen. He was a grown ass man. That's rape."

            "I could've stopped it if I wanted to. He looked good and I didn't exactly hate it."

            "It was still wrong. That should've never happened to you. Am I the only person you've ever talked to about it?"

            "Yeah. I'm pretty sure my momma knows but just won't talk about it and I'm not sure I want to talk to her about it."

            Roderick was silent for a little while before finally saying, "I wanna see you."

            "Rod, I don't—"

            "I'm comin' over, Reece. Even if it's just for a few minutes, I'm comin' over to see you."

            "Alright. But if you call me by that bitch's name again, we are over."