How to disappear completely ; Mattheo Riddle {Mattheo Riddle AU}

d a y t w o

"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning,
and when nobody waits for you at night,
and  when you can do whatever you want,
what do you call it?
freedom or loneliness?"

V I O L E T
May 2
11:15 A.M.

I didn't see Mattheo for the rest of the day after the astronomy tower. After he hugged me we stayed in that position for minutes, maybe even hours. I'm not sure how long it was. Time goes by when your life is falling apart.

I stayed in my dorm after that and I still haven't left. I feel terrible for ruining Florence's birthday, but she assured me that it was okay. She know's about my depression and my disorders, and i'm glad she looks after me and loves me with or without my problems. Florence tries to cheer me up all of the time by watching muggle movies with me every saturday, and although it doesn't help, I pretend it does. Because I know it makes her smile.

I look at the clock and realize I should probably get up to attend at least one class, so I get dressed for potions.

When I get there I see Florence, Enzo, Draco, and Mattheo. I'm not sure why Mattheo is sitting with us since he never does, but I don't mind him. Not anymore atleast. When Florence see's me her face lights up, rushing towards me and giving me a hug.

"You're awake! You slept for a long time, Vi." I give her a smile, "I know. I'm sorry about yesterday."

She shakes her head, "don't be. Where'd you go after you ran off by the way? I forgot to ask last night. You were gone for a while."

"Oh, um just the astronomy tower." I decide not to tell her about Mattheo, because that would reveal that I was about to jump.

"Well, after you left Mattheo literally threatened to hex the girl that was laughing at you."

My eyebrows raised in shock, "Wait, what? He did what?". Florence hummed, "mhmm, you heard me right. He full on grabbed her by the collar and threatened her!"

I look over at Mattheo who is already staring at me, "strange."

M A T T H E O
12:30 P.M.

I keep on watching her.

While my mind is clouded with thoughts of her, I wonder if her mind is clouded with ways to end her life.

"Mattheo?" She waves her hand in front of my face and I blink harshly, realizing she had caught me staring at her again. For the fifth time. "Hm?" she doesn't say anything else, she just stares at me with her head tilted.

V I O L E T
12:32 P.M.

I stare at him as he stares at me.

I wonder if he knows.

He looks at me like he knows what i'm thinking about.

M A T T H E O
11:45 P.M.

I light a cigarette as I sit against the astronomy tower wall. It's almost midnight, and the sun had already fallen hours ago. Day two is almost over and I haven't gotten anywhere. She's going to take her own life because I wasn't fast enough to save her. And if I fail, I know it's going to kill me knowing that I had a chance to keep her alive.

I hear footsteps and for some unknown reason, I knew it was her.

The first thing she does when she reaches the top is head towards the railing, which makes me slowly get up. Unsure if she knew I was here.

"Mattheo," she says. She turns around and looks at me and the moonlight illuminates the dry tears on her cheek. She's wearing a night gown and her wavy hair is being blown in her face by the wind. "How are you always here at the right time?" I step towards her and grab her hand, moving her body away from the railing and towards mine. She wraps her arms around me and cries into my chest and I let her because that's what she needs.

"Will you tell me everything?"

so she does.

From her watching her whole family die, to being sexually abused by her uncle, to her depression, to her disorders, all the way to how she felt like she was "stranded in the middle of the ocean with a thousand waves crashing over her". She was drowning and nobody noticed. 

and for the first time in my life, I cry for somebody.