This Beautiful World - Book #1 (BxB)

Chapter 34

I wasn't sure when I had fallen asleep. I didn't feel tired when I was with Arin, but I must have dozed off eventually. When I opened my eyes again, Arin still lay beside me. He stayed with me, just as he said he would. The sun was starting to set, which meant that he had been here for a few hours. It made me feel a little bad that he chose to stay here the whole time. He could have spent time with his friends, but he chose to be with me. Though I felt bad that he wasted time on me, I was also relieved. I wanted to be a bit selfish and keep him with me for longer. 

I sat up and shook my head. What was wrong with me? Arin was being kind to me, nothing else. After spending time with him, I could tell he was a genuinely nice person. I shouldn't mistake his kindness for something else. I also didn't want to start feeling something for someone while we were in this situation. I didn't want to be heartbroken again if something were to happen. It was better for me to keep my distance. 

I glanced down at his face. Arin had his eyes closed and it looked like he was resting peacefully. He and his friends did a lot for the little community that we had built here, so I couldn't imagine how tired they all were. There were two of them who stayed up all night, plus they always made sure that everyone was fed. If someone ever needed something, they made sure to get it for them. I also couldn't forget that they were willing to go out into town and risk their lives for us. If it weren't for them, I doubted that we would have survived for this long. 

Gently, I touched Arin's arm and tried to shake him awake. Doing so made me think about the first time I attempted to wake him this way. The thought made my face burn. If Arin were to pin me down now as he did back then, then I wasn't sure how I would react this time. Scandalous thoughts tried invading my mind. I let go of Arin, covered my burning face with my hands, and attempted to chase the thoughts away. 

My slight touch must have been enough to wake him. Groggily, he asked, "Aiden . . . are you okay?"

There was no way that I could tell him what I had been thinking about. We may have flirted with each other a couple of times, but that didn't mean that I could be bold now. I didn't want to cross any boundaries and scare him away. 

"Um, nothing. Absolutely nothing," I said, then peeked over at him. Seeing his handsome face looking back at me made me glance away again. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to keep my distance, yet I couldn't stop my beating heart. 

My reaction made Arin chuckle. "What are you blushing about? It's so . . . cute." He let out a yawn, then sat up as well. He surprised me when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. 

Despite everything, I couldn't help leaning up against him and enjoying his embrace. I knew that I was making things harder for myself by allowing this to happen. Instead of telling him not to treat me like this, I was fully accepting his affection. If things continued like this, then it could only end badly. Yet, I was letting my selfish desires take over. 

Perhaps it was okay to indulge in this for a moment longer. Hesitantly, I asked, "Um, earlier you mentioned that you like me. In what sort of way do you mean? As a friend, or . . . ?" 

Unlike me, Arin didn't hesitate to give a response. "If we weren't facing the end of the world, then I would probably have asked you out by now."

"Technically you did already. Back at the grocery store." I couldn't forget that. It was the first time that someone ever asked me out, even if he wasn't serious about it. 

"I mean that I would have for real. If only we could have met each other a little sooner, then who knows what would have happened between us." He seemed to hesitate himself this time before also asking, "If you don't mind humoring me, do you perhaps feel a similar way? If I make you uncomfortable at all with how I treat you, then you're free to tell me and I'll stop."

I didn't want him to jump to the conclusion that I didn't like this. If anything, I wanted more of his affection. Instead of simply telling him this, I asked, "Would it be okay for me to show you?"

He didn't deny my request. He nodded and waited for me to make my move. I pulled out of his embrace and turned to face him. Thinking about what I wanted to do made me blush, but I wasn't going to back down now. Trying not to overthink it, I straddled his hips, caressed his face, and then leaned in for a kiss. 

Arin didn't pull away from me, but he also didn't kiss back. He seemed too stunned to react. He confessed that he liked me, but perhaps he didn't like me enough to kiss me. Asking me out didn't necessarily mean that he was seeking a romantic relationship. I was the one to jump to that conclusion based on what he said. 

I pulled away, feeling like a fool. It was my first time kissing someone, and it ended up being a failure. Due to my mistake, I was worried that whatever relationship we were building up would end. He might not want to see me much after this. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want him to feel awkward around me now. 

I was about to apologize, but before I had the chance to, Arin slammed his lips against mine. It was my turn to be stunned now, yet I was quick to regain my composure and began to kiss him back. His lips were soft against mine and I found myself becoming lost in his touch. I could tell that he was holding himself back. He kept his hands firmly planted against my back, and every time he moved them down slightly, he had to stop himself. Right now, I don't think that I would have minded that much. I needed some sort of distraction from all of the terrible shit that's been happening to us. 

Unfortunately, this moment couldn't last. I wasn't ready for this to end when I heard the sound of the bedroom door opening. I stopped kissing Arin and then glanced over at the intruder. Alex stood on the other side of the door with an annoyed expression written all over his face. Seeing that it was him made me get off of Arin. It was late, so naturally my friend would want to turn in for the night. This was the room that we shared, but I still wished that someone else would have interrupted us. I didn't want Alex to have to see that. 

He sounded irritated as he said, "Are you fucking kidding me? If you two are going to fuck then go somewhere else. Don't do it on the bed that I sleep on."

"It wasn't going to go that far." My face felt like it was on fire. I was embarrassed that Alex walked in on us, but I had to be thankful that we didn't take it any farther than kissing. Not that I would have let it go that far. 

Arin was quick to stand up. He looked down at me and said, "Um, I have to go. It's my turn to do night watch, so I'll excuse myself."

He left, leaving me alone with Alex. Being alone with him made me feel a bit awkward. After he caught us, I wasn't sure what to say or do. I had a feeling that this would change my relationship with both Arin and Alex. Since Alex seemed pissed off at me right now, I didn't want to stay in his presence for too long. I stood up as well intending to follow after Arin. 

When I was about to walk past Alex, he asked, "So I guess you're choosing him?"

I didn't want to argue about this right now. Alex never seemed to care much about my feelings for him, so I wanted to move on. It was too late for him to be upset about this now. He had his chance. 

I simply said, "I'm sorry." 

Then I left the room.