This Beautiful World - Book #1 (BxB)

Chapter 35

I sat beside Arin, neither of us saying a word to each other. After our encounter with Alex, I was feeling a bit awkward. I didn't want this to end up ruining my friendship with him. Perhaps when this had time to settle, then I could talk to him about it. Alex had to understand. He knew that I had a crush on him for years, but he never seemed to care. It gets frustrating after a while to like someone who would never like you back. It wasn't my fault that only now was he starting to feel something for me. At least, that was the impression that I got due to how he was acting. 

When I let out an audible sigh, Arin finally broke the silence between us. "Are you worried about Alex?"

Of course, I was. How could I not be when it felt like things were going to change between us? The zombie apocalypse had already put some distance between us. The loss of our friend and now this incident with Arin would create a deeper hole. Even though I was annoyed with him, I didn't want to lose Alex as well. Besides my family, he was one of the only people that I had in this place. 

"It feels like I'm losing everyone close to me. I lost one of my best friends, and I have a feeling that Alex might leave me as well. If that happens, then what should I do? Alex and Riley were always there for me while growing up. It was always the three of us. Without them, I feel . . . lost." Thinking about Alex moving on hurt. It was too soon for him to leave me as well. 

Gently, Arin put a hand on my back. He lightly rubbed his hand up and down to soothe me, then said, "I don't want you to lose Alex either. If it helps to keep him by your side, then you can pretend like what transpired upstairs didn't happen. You can be with him."

"No!" I quickly blurted out, then covered my mouth with my hands. Even though my emotions were racing, I still had to be silent. Quietly, I added, "I don't want to forget what happened between us. I can't deny that I still have feelings for Alex, but I also like you. Besides, Alex had his chance. I don't want to give him another chance when he has already blown so many. I'm sure that after he's calmed down and we've had the opportunity to talk, then he'll understand."

"Alex can be a bit stubborn, though. He might not listen, since he seems to be the type who always has to get what he wants," Arin said. Well, he wasn't wrong about that. 

I didn't want to talk about my friend anymore. Thinking about Alex and what this might do to our friendship was starting to put me in a sour mood. I leaned up against Arin, placing my head on his shoulder. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's starting to stress me out." Remembering one of Arin's stress relief methods, I teasingly asked, "Know of any way to relieve my stress?"

This made him chuckle a little bit. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Here. These always take the edge off."

I rolled my eyes. He knew exactly what I was talking about but was playing dumb. 

"You're so annoying," I said, then reached up and pressed my lips against his. 

This time, Arin didn't hesitate to kiss me back. He pushed me down, then got on top of me to continue with our kiss. Once again, I was finding myself completely lost in this feeling. I didn't want this to end anytime soon. Each kiss sent a sensation through me that I craved more of. After only liking one guy for most of my life, I missed out on this experience. Not only were the kisses making me feel a certain way, but the way that Arin's left hand was gripping my right leg was making my heart race. If he wanted to take this farther, then I didn't know if I would stop him. I was beginning to want to feel more. 

But before this progressed any further, Arin stopped kissing me. He didn't pull his body away from me, but his lips were no longer attached to mine. I wasn't ready for this to be over. 

"Why did you stop? Was I not doing a good job?" Since today was my first time ever kissing someone, I knew that I wasn't very experienced with this. Perhaps he wasn't enjoying himself like I was. 

Arin shook his head. "You're doing fine, Aiden. As much as I would like to continue, I fear that I will be taking advantage of you. After everything that's happened, I know that you're not in the best headspace right now. I don't want you to end up doing something that you might regret in the future."

"I'm not going to regret this, though. I want to lose my virginity before I die," I said.

"See, that's how I know that you're not ready for this. You changed your tune quickly from telling Alex that you weren't going to sleep with me to this. I don't doubt that you like me, but I think right now you're trying to use me to forget what you're going through. You don't want to make that mistake. So let's take things slow for now." Arin sat back up then. 

I stayed lying there for a moment, annoyed by what he said. I didn't want to take things slow right now, but I guess that he did have a point. Perhaps when I was feeling better, I would realize that I was acting a little rash. Though, I doubted that I would change my feelings about him. I did like Arin. With a sigh, I turned around and rested my head on Arin's lap. While the intimacy may have stopped for now, I still wanted to be close to him. 

He was gentle as he stroked my hair. "Don't take this the wrong way, Aiden. I like you as well, but I don't want to see you making a mistake. Let's not rush into things."

He may have wanted to take things slow, but I was worried about one of us dying at any moment. We didn't know what tomorrow would bring. I kept these thoughts to myself, though. I didn't want to ruin this by speaking about death. So I nodded and said, "I know. We can take it slow."

For now, I would just enjoy these moments that I had with him.