This Beautiful World - Book #1 (BxB)

Chapter 21

Arin and Stella were at the back of the store, placing blankets on the ground when Caitlyn and I joined them. Since we were stuck here until the sun came up, they were making makeshift beds for us to rest on. I highly doubted that any of us would be getting any sleep tonight, not after the events that transpired. I still felt on edge, as if something would happen at any moment. The zombie that attacked us at Riley's home was unexpected, so something else could happen while we hid here.  

When Stella saw us joining them, she pointed to the blankets and said, "It's not much, but we figured that we could try to be comfortable while we're stuck here. There's still plenty of hours to go before morning." 

It was the thought that counts. Caitlyn wasted no time taking a seat, then let out a sigh. She pats the spot beside her, looking up at me as she says, "Might as well rest while we can. We're going to need our energy once tomorrow gets here."

I knew that she had a point, but I was reluctant. I was feeling guilty over what happened to Riley's mother. If I had acted, perhaps she would have been with us right now. It felt wrong to be able to rest. I didn't know when I would need to make a decision to save someone's life again. I didn't want another person to die.

Arin seemed to notice my conflicted thoughts. He placed a hand on my shoulder. "What happened isn't your fault. We had no control over the situation."

"Yeah, as I've told you before, you can't blame yourself," Stella chimed in. "You didn't do anything wrong, Aiden. None of us knew that we would be attacked tonight. These things are unpredictable. And if you need something to blame, then blame these monsters."

I gave them a soft smile but couldn't meet their eyes. Perhaps they were correct, and I only wanted to place the blame on something. I knew that I couldn't control death, but at times, it felt like I should have done something to prevent it. Yet I hesitated in the face of danger. Riley's mother and Jonathan could be with us if I acted faster. 

But I kept these thoughts to myself. I already knew that the argument would be that I couldn't control fate, yet it didn't make the guilt go away. I was tired, so I took the spot next to my sister instead of responding. I knew that I couldn't sit here for long. I would take a few minutes to rest, then I should keep watch for any signs of the undead. 

It seemed that Stella and Arin were already a step ahead of me. Stella spoke up, "You two get some rest while you can. Arin and I will keep first watch, then it'll be your turn if you don't mind." 

That was fine with me. It would put my mind at rest a little knowing that someone was keeping an eye out. The two of them went off to the front of the store, leaving my sister and me alone once again. Caitlyn rested her head against her knees, then glanced over at me. I couldn't understand how my sister was able to stay in control during this situation while I felt like a complete mess. She was handling this better than me, but I guess she did have a few more days of experience. I also knew that my sister tried to act tougher than she actually felt. 

Caitlyn surprised me when she asked, "Do you think that Dad is okay?"

I wasn't expecting her to bring up our father right now. I was too busy thinking about my friends, mother, and sister, so that man never crossed my mind. Thinking about him now only made me feel angry. I didn't meet her eyes as I responded, "I'm sure that he's fine. He most likely hasn't even thought about us during this whole thing." 

"Perhaps." Caitlyn let out a sigh. "But that doesn't mean that I want anything bad to happen to him. Things weren't always like this between us, and I would like to believe that we'd crossed his mind, even if it was only once. We are still his family."

I didn't hold the same sentiment as my sister. While I understood where she was coming from, our father wasn't a priority to me. He wasn't the one here with us right now. If things didn't change and this virus continued to worsen, then I doubted that we would ever see him again. For now, I wanted to drop the subject of our father. Thinking about him left a bad taste in my mouth. 

"If anything, Dad is probably the reason why the virus happened." I left one last snarky comment, knowing that Caitlyn would drop the subject after that.

She rolled her eyes at me. "You're starting to sound a jerk, just like Alex. But, point taken. We don't have to speak about this. Though, speaking of Alex, when is something going to happen between you two? You've liked him for years."

I was glad to be off the subject of our father, but I wasn't expecting this to be the conversation that she decided to strike up. It was true that I had a crush on Alex for a long time, but I also knew that nothing would ever happen between us. I knew better than anyone else that Alex wasn't interested in relationships. He made that quite clear to me. 

I shrugged my shoulders and glanced away. "He's already rejected me before. He told me that he would rather stay friends and that he wants nothing to change between us. I've accepted that and I agree with him. We are better off as friends. Besides, with all of this shit happening, starting a relationship probably isn't the smartest option."

"Maybe, but who knows? Things can change and if Alex isn't up to the task, then someone else might be. Also, something tells me that Alex may like you more than you think. It seems like you just haven't noticed that yet," Caitlyn said, then let out a yawn. She rested her head against my shoulder. 

We were both exhausted as we let the conversation finally die down. I didn't know what else to say about Alex. Lately, he had been getting on my nerves with how he was acting. But I also knew that he was scared. We all were. When we returned to the rest of the group, then I would apologize to him. I was still a bit upset with myself for leaving without saying goodbye. Regardless of the fight that we found ourselves in, he was still my best friend. We were in this together. 

Eventually, I found myself dozing off. I didn't mean to, but I was exhausted. All of these events were taking a toll on me. As much as I wished for it, I knew now that this wasn't a dream. When I woke up again, I would be in the same nightmare.