Remember the Lanterns

Mr. Kim

I could use some reflective time anyway. So I do. It's usually quite busy on the weekend afternoons, but I suppose we've now reached about dinner time, so there's a slight lull in the clientele who want to drink coffee and take photos of themselves with dresses on. YS and I also never did couple photos. No couple clothes and no couple photos, but of course, there was still time. Mr. Kim 'checks out' the last two girls in the café and comes over to see me pull out my diary from my bag. It's a Chinese one that I had been given as a return to Asia present from my Aunt. He tries to communicate with me: You China?
Yes! I lived there before Korea. Have you been to China? Yes! Study there.
Wait, do you speak Chinese?
Yes I do (in Chinese), do you?
A little bit! I studied for three months, I reply in Chinese. I studied at university there for four years.
We're both in Chinese now, and I am so excited that I can communicate with Mr. Kim. We talk for the next hour, and YS couldn't be further away on my mind. Until of course, someone comes in and I think I hear his voice. It's not him of course (it's much easier for me to recognize him if he's speaking English) but this makes me realise that YS could actually be around downtown somewhere right now. It's dinner time. He likes going out for dinner. He could be with his doctor friends on Deurangil or with his high school friends walking around downtown somewhere. He could even be having ddeokbokki on street food street. Maybe he'll call me today. Mr. Kim interrupts:
Meimei? (which means little sister in Chinese). Are you ok? I'm just feeling a little bit.....
I've forgotten how to say sad in Chinese. It's not a word I had ever needed to use before.
I'm sorry Mr. Kim, I'm a little bit lost.
Me too, Mei mei. And he looks at me seriously, as if to say I understand you, and I'm sure you understand me too. But I can't talk to him about this.

I just remembered something I have to do! It was very nice to talk to you Mr. Kim.
Meimei, it's good for me to practice Chinese, please stop by anytime, you are always welcome.
I smile and duck out. I wasn't going to be much company with my thoughts lost on events from an age ago. Maybe YS will call.
I head out of the café and home. For the pity party I want to throw myself. I walk by a few bars and restaurants along the way. They are mostly empty at the moment, but give it a few hours and these streets will be packed with merry makers. A convenient stores with plastic tables and chairs out front of it is busy, though.
A drunk man sipping on soju seems me and since I am wae gook in (foreigner), apparently I'm a big deal. I can tell because of his exaggerated surprise.
Hello!
I walk on.
You! Finland?
He clumsily collects his soju and snacks to follow me. Who knows what he is thinking?
Finland no? America?
I walk faster, he is relentless.
I check back to see far behind he is. He's maybe in his fifties, and has the most amazing combover I have seen in my life. But I don't want to dwell on this, I need him to stop following me so I turn a corner and jog down the road. This kind of a weird occurrence actually happens on kind of a monthly basis. At first I used to stop to talk to these people, imagining that they are trying to be polite and friendly, and sometimes they are. They would ask the usual questions about hobbies and Korean cuisine, and then we would talk about Canada, where I was born, but where I hadn't lived for what felt like an age. The polite response was to gush about what a great country it is. Sometimes we could even discuss why they thought so. Once in awhile, I would have a conversation about what I thought about the Quebecois separatist movement. Most of the time, these conversations steered towards how I felt about Korea, which previously, had me nothing

but gushing. I was in love with Korea before YS, but now, I don't know. How long had it been since I was happy here? Well, it all depended on YS. It was pathetic. I was pathetic. Fortunately I hadn't had to answer this question recently. In any case, following the conversations with randoms, often they'd want a photo with me, which I used to uncomfortably oblige. And then, more rarely, I would get strange requests or the conversation would go entirely in the wrong way:
Next photo, you don't have to, but can you pretend to kiss me, you don't have to actually kiss me, just pretend.
Where is your boyfriend?
Where are you living/staying tonight? And, on one awful occasion,
how much?
Since then, I stopped being polite and friendly and I started ignoring. Which really is a shame, since I'm sure some of the people were well-intentioned but I didn't want to risk it anymore.
So I resume my journey home and turn on the TV. I am supposed to have a date later this evening, but I'm not feeling so excited given the afternoon's letdown and my turn to depression. And, after sitting down on my bed with ice cream in my hand and the TV on one of 4 chHannahls with English shows, I decide to text YS. And I do.
Hey! It's great to be back in Daegu! Pretty busy so far! How are you finding it?
I hold onto the phone expectantly. He used to text back pretty quickly. He told me that Korean girls sometimes get angry if it takes their boyfriends too long to return text messages. Nothing comes after three minutes, which feels like thirty, so I put it down and go back to my TV show. If I decide to meet my Saturday evening date, I have just about an hour and a half. I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone vibrates to indicate a text has arrived.
Although it's not YS, I am not disappointed when I read Mr. Kim's message:
Mei mei, you'll be okay! Do your best! Smiley face, music note, smiley face heart, random emoticon I can't discern.

Well, that is sweet, isn't it. Tonight is on.