Remember the Lanterns

Elizabeth

I run over to the Daegu train station turnstyles as Elizabeth comes bursting through them.
OMG am I glad to see you! I give her a huge hug.
Elizabeth was in town this weekend for a break from studies and Seoul. She wanted to catch up with friends in Daegu and was staying with me on Friday night.
We take a cab back to my place, and head out to our old stomping ground of the sketchy Family Mart next to the weird hospital right around the corner from me. We like this place because there's a little patio out front and it's so low-key to go there, that we even wore pyjamas one night. Other than our white faces, we didn't stick out at all, because a lot of the hospitals patients come out for a break as well, sometimes with their liquid drips in tow. Tonight, fortunately, it was just us on the patio.
After the how's Seoul-how's work-how's school conversation, we get on to more important things. our love lives. Elizabeth, unlike me, does not go for Korean men, and laments the lack of talent.
Trust me Hannah, it's like a million times better in Seoul, but the guys there still want Koreans over me. Some of the people I study with are amazing, but it's the same old story.

Elizabeth was petite, cute and spunky. She wasn't used to not having a pick of men.
I have not yet stooped to going into Itaewon just yet, for the military boys, but I'm this close. Maybe, you should come up for a weekend and we'll go together!
That sounds perfect. I could use a break from things here.
Since Elizabeth was well-versed on my YS situation, I caught her up on what's happened this year so far, with Hee Seong and what happened over the Christmas holiday, and then with Young Ho and what's gone on since (she knew him from BYO and thought I was crazy to like him), with Jim (and our little fight and quasi make-up), my trip, my upcoming studies and then Kyobo Book Guy.
Ok. First of all, you know how it is with Jim, he wants you and doesn't like that you go out with or sleep with Koreans when you could have him. And second of all, another Korean Hannah? Come on!
No, it's not like that! Alan and I are friends.
I explain the whole thing to her. It doesn't take long though, there's not that much to explain.
You know how it is here though Hannah, girls and boys being friends is like different for them than it is for us.
Ya, I know. But he's lived in the U.K. I thought he'd get it.

Ya, but you do know how people think about these things. Any Korean who sees the two of you hanging out will naturally assume you're a couple. And if they know anything about his family, they'll think that you are just dating for a physical relationship.
That was, from what I heard from many students, a common conclusion when people in Daegu saw a foreigner with a Korean of the opposite gender.
Well, maybe this is why he was so nervous at first?
Probably.
Are you attracted to him Hannah?
No. I mean, at first I thought he was kind of my style, but there's no tangible physical chemistry there for me.
Did you tell him you liked him when you gave him your card?
Maybe, I don't know.
You must have. You know how these things go Hannah.
Ya, I did tell him I liked him. but I thought I emphasized as a friend.
She rolled her eyes. There you go. Remember how Junior high it all is? Seriously, just come to Seoul and be done with this guy. Ha! You know what? Maybe he's never had a girlfriend!

He's late twenties!
Ya, but given the family situation. and the living abroad. Maybe he thinks that you're his first girlfriend! Ha! Hannah! I bet you can get his V-card!
She was loving this.
I sat in silence while she laughed.
Actually, it's been a bit awkward this week with him. He's 'bumped' into me twice this week. Both times when I was walking home from work. I don't think they were coincidences - I mean he knows where I work, live and when I finish work. and that I walk home.
Thankfully she stops laughing.
Shoot dude! That's sketchy! I'm sorry for laughing Hannah. I know it's been hard for you. I just don't get it, why you get all hung up on some of these guys and then attract the weird ones.
I'm not! I don't! Alan's not weird. I protest. And I'm only hung up about just the one, I resign.
I think Elizabeth was probably the only person that knew how much I struggled with the whole YS thing.
Even now? she asks. So what is going on with YS? Have you seen him?
I recount the time he called before I left for my trip, and how I'd ignored his call and how proud I was of that. Then

I admit that I had emailed him from the bus station and told him about my trip etc, and when I was coming back. I tell her about him calling me when I did get back. And that we went out together, got drunk and slept together. I hadn't heard from him since and had hated myself for doing that and for being so stupid for doing that. I told her about how I tried to distract myself with Young Ho, which worked for awhile, and with Alan too, and how I was trying to focus on my Master's stuff which was starting soon, but that underneath it all, I was still mad at myself and still not over him.
That night. I had literally just gotten off of the plane from Bangkok, and hopped on the first bus from Incheon Airport back to Daegu and was feeling like a million dollars. I had had a wonderful trip but was anxious to get back to Daegu, back to work and back to routine. I had friends to visit and things to do! I was happy. YS had called me while I was on the bus and I told him that I would be home around five, wanted to have a shower, and that we could go out then for dinner, at around 7. He picked me up in his SUV and took me on a drive to the other side of town (or something, I'm still not sure where) and we went to a traditional Korean bar place - the kind he knew I loved. It was great, we had ddeokbbokki, pajeon, kimchi jeon, Korean style tempura, and all of my other Korean favorites. After being away for a few months, it was just what I wanted. Of course, we also had soju. lots of it. All of my favorite flavors there too. It was just like

old times, we caught up, laughed, teased each other and I thought, we were happy. I didn't even really think about what we were doing, but eventually he used that amazing service in Korea, where you can call someone to come and pick up your car and drive it home for you (since you went out, not expecting to drink much and then proceeded to get wasted), to get us back to my place. He asked to come in, and we ended up sleeping together. I was pretty drunk, so I don't remember many details about it, but I do remember waking up the next morning with a major hangover. I had texted YS saying, hey last night was fun. let's do it again sometime. But he never wrote back. I hated that I had done that, and that I had let myself do that. I should have known better. Not having addressed this before, I finally admitted everything to Elizabeth.
She just replied with, come on, let's go. And we went to a bar downtown, and drank a bottle of red wine together, while I deleted his numbers from everything I owned, again, but this time anywhere i had it in writing. I wouldn't be able to text him anymore, or suffer through the desire of calling him. And when he called me? I wouldn't know who it was. In fact, I usually didn't pick up unknown numbers. This was a good plan and I thought that it would banish him from my mind entirely. Elizabeth, thank goodness for her, always told it straight.
Listen Hannah. I know how it is. Heartbreak is awful. But, you know, it's been a really long time now, and YS has

acted terribly. You know it. You have spent now a long time getting over him. You should be over him by now. And with your Master's coming up, good things will happen Hannah.
She was right. But it's not like she was telling me anything I didn't know. but for whatever reason, hearing it from her struck a chord. I had been telling myself the same stuff for ages now - how long had it been? like a year! Wow, a whole year! Slightly more than a year even! Wasted time that I would never recoup. It's not like losing money. You can get that stuff back, but a year of my life hung up on someone, in love with someone whom I wanted to be with, but never saw myself marrying anyway. I always just thought that we would have had a good life together, but I never wanted to marry him.
I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, but have you thought about going back home Hannah?
This was something that faced many an English teacher in the Far East. The fearful prospect of going home. It was a difficult one. Many that venture to the East did so because they had graduated from university and were not sure what they would do next or couldn't find anything at home that looked promising. They decided, may as well travel and live somewhere for the next year, and off they go to work at happy cookie hagwon. Then, they sign another year's contract. Life is good, there's still a lot more to see, no real responsibility, quite a bit of saving in relation to what

could be saved at home. A carefree and pretty fun lifestyle. And then another contract is signed. Eventually, they have been there for several years and while it's been a fun few years, the problem is this: they can't stay and work in Korea, or China or Japan or wherever because there's no future in it, but they can't leave to go home because the last few years of teaching English, haven't gotten them any good experience which will allow them to get a good job at home, and start working towards a career. They would have to move back in with the parents and go back to working part-time at something they aren't that interested in, which is exactly the situation they were in all of those years before after graduating university. It's quite the conundrum. Fortunately, I had a Master's degree on the way, and didn't feel stuck. I was sure that getting that would open some doors for me.
Ya, I've thought about it Liz, but you know what it's like. I'd have to move in with my parents again while I was studying - it makes more sense to me to stay here and earn enough money to live, pay for tuition, have fun and travel a little, and even save a little bit too.
Well, whatever you do, don't sleep with YS again. or Alan for that matter.
In a way, I wish I was attracted to Alan, like I was to YS. He'd be a great boyfriend. But these were never the ways of the world. At the bar, we see Tonia walk by.

Tonia and I had stopped being friends, because, well, actually, I couldn't remember why.
Elizabeth, confirming this: OMG, I really hate her! I'm not sure why though. No wait! It's cause of how hot she is here.
Ya! I had totally forgotten!
I reminded Elizabeth about how I had gone out with her after getting back to Daegu after last Chinese New Year - the time I had run into her while she was out jogging - Elizabeth had heard the story before.
Sadly, Tonia was actually a sweet person, really thoughtful and considerate, but one of those people who took all of the compliments she got here in Korea to heart. People telling her she was beautiful and so smart and a genius teacher all of the time, had made her to believe it, and that's mostly what you'd hear about when you spent time with her nowadays. Granted she had a massive rack that got her a lot of attention, but unfortunately, Tonia didn't get that compliments in Korea were similar to mild insults back home, there wasn't much truth in them!
I didn't go out with him because I am hotter, we both exclaimed giggling.
My life is so perfect here.
Nah, that date was boring, I can do way better. Actually, I'm almost fluent in Korean now.

My Korean boyfriend is a university student.
I love Korean fashion so much, it looks so good on me. We went back and forth for a bit, like the bitches we were.
But then it hits me, maybe I dislike her because she is so confident in herself, and is so satisfied with her life here. While I was busy being miserable, she was busy building a life with people that she liked.
I ask Elizabeth if she agrees.
Maybe, but even if you had been happier, there's no way you'd be saying things like "As if! I'm way out of his league!"
I just had an idea: maybe I should set her up with Jim! For some reason, we find this hilarious.
Next bar, she shouts. The other patrons glance at us curiously.
At the next bar, which is a foreigner bar, it's Liz's turn. She recounts more stories about how hard it is to find a man, and that she, too is worried about getting stuck in Korea for ten years, without being any closer to a career. We finish two more drinks each before she's finished, but by now, we are both buzzing, and so is the bar! It's actually packed I realise! Liz, on our latest drink run, has stopped to talk to a group of people she must have known from before I arrived at BYO (she had been there about six

months before me, and since she, unlike me, had socialised mostly with the foreigners, knew a lot of people here). As I nurse what's left in my gin and tonic, I make eye contact with none other than Hee Seong. I smile. He smiles and I nod him over to my table. I get up to hug him, and before pulling away, I'm not sure why, I give him a kiss. probably a big, wet kiss at that, but he smiles. Within a few minutes of chatting, we are both in tears from laughing, and in full flirtation mode. I was thankful that we were friends again. Liz looks over and shakes her head knowingly at me. I shrug my shoulders and hold my glass up to her.