How To drown On Land

12

//Hey yall so this chapter actually talks about suicide in it including a plan this is not meant to help people think of a plan this is talking about what was a plan THIS CAN BE VERY TRIGGERING viewer discretion advised PLEASE BE SAFE. this book is not meant to give ideas or encourage this type of thing this is something I hope others can relate to if. once again, I love you and you are worth so much good things please feel free to talk to me if you need someone to talk to And here is a professional hotline 800-273-8255 and is available 24/7 love you.//

We were driving to school together. Like we had talked about before I stopped being a good friend. I didn't know what to think or say. "Ryles, get out of your head" Ryles was one of my favorite nicknames. When we were younger he called me Rye bread.  I hated it, Rye bread was gross.  When we were thirteen he changed my nickname to Ryles. He always made me feel better about myself, more like myself.  

I shook my head and smiled at him. "Thanks, for taking me this morning. I was just going to walk."   he looked at me and shrugged. "I saw your dad leave and figured you were probably needing a friend. He still being a dick to you?"  I nodded then shook my head. "He just doesn't understand" He pulls out a Yahoo Drink and hands it to me. I smile a little, he really does know me.

  The day I had to try to come out as bi to my dad, I had run outside crying. He had smacked me calling me confused and wanting to fit in. And screamed that I couldn't change what god had created. I was about to turn the corner of the street when I was grabbed and wrapped in a hug. Preston was there, he had run and caught me and brought me home and wrapped me in a towel because it had been raining apparently. He didn't ask about the mark on my face he just let me cry and held me. I had spent the night there. Even though my dad had gone home I didn't want to go home and face my mom. I knew what she was going to say "Well you can't just expect us to jump up and down with joy that our daughter is trying to make up her own gender, and go against our entire religion. We both love you but this isn't going to be easy on us and, don't expect us to just change what we call you. Because we won't."  Preston let me win all the Rounds of C.O.D that night. 

That was two weeks before I stopped talking to him. I was a awful person and yet here I was sitting in his car. "Thanks for driving me today, It means alot Prego" He smiles at me using his stupid nickname. I hadn't used it in about four years. It felt nice making him smile. We got to school and he came around and opened my door and hugged me, I missed his hugs. He let me go and we went our separate ways to class. I was smiling all the way to my class and even smiled at Michelle. Somehow I couldn't see this day going wrong. 

At lunch, Ethan and I were having a contest to see who could stack onion rings the highest. He kept winning and mine somehow kept falling over at three. He accidentally knocked over a fork or something when he bent down I guess my skirt had risen up because he poked my thigh. I felt a sharp pain shoot through my body. I looked down and My skirt was fine He looked at me and he wasn't smiling anymore. 

"Why didn't you call me" I look down. And pull down my skirt extra. He didn't even see them, he had just somehow known. "because you don't need my bullshit," I say barely over a whisper. He shakes his head rolling his eyes. "That right there is bullshit. Did you forget our promise to each other?" No, I didn't. Two years ago we had promised that if either of us felt that low we would call each other. I look at him shaking my head "well what about you did you forget. I was gone for nine months and you're telling me not once you were that low. He looks away. "You were going through a lot, with Adam and the hospital, all that shit that happened with Camden's friend and then switching schools... I didn't think you could handle anything else going on" I had looked down when he had mentioned everything that had happened. He remembered what happened with my brother's friend...? Of course, he did it was in my letter. 

Ethan had been the one to call the police and is technically the reason I'm alive. Without him, I'd be six feet under.  I had left it on his window ledge before I had headed to the place I had picked. It was a little fort  I and my brother had built when we were younger. We hadn't been there in such a long time but I took Ethan there a few times because it was my happy place. I and Camden had gone there when our parents were fighting. It was on my grandparent's property but far enough away that they wouldn't find me fast enough. unless you knew me. I had swallowed an entire two bottles of allergy meds plus half a bottle of sleeping pills.   They had the shortest time of effect, and I would be asleep before the overdose effects would take place. The cops and ambulance had arrived as I had started drifting off my parents were at the hospital I remember my dad crying and my mom looked broken. She kept saying "I should have known, what kind of mom doesn't know". I woke up twelve hours later. And learned my stomach had been pumped and I would be going to a hospital and staying for two months. 

I was snapped out of my brain by Ethan who was shaking me. I was in a ball on the ground. "Ryley!! Are you ok?! I am So sorry" I sit up still holding my legs close to my body. Ethans staring at me. I get up and grab my backpack. I turn to him and force a smile. "Don't worry about it." I start walking away. "Ryley! Hey! C'mon talk to me! Please!"  What was it with people wanting me to talk to them? I turn back around to face him. "No, I don't want to talk."  And with that, I walk away. I didn't even go to class I just went into the dance room in one of the private studios and turned on the song I was going to perform to, but instead of dancing I just sat in the corner and cried. 

//Hey loves so yeah I finally updated this. Sorry, I sucketh. I have been really busy I'm about to graduate. EW!! but I did it and I'm really proud of this one. It was really hard for me to write about this and yet Voila. I hope you all are safe and well and please remember you are important. Ryley is learning that slowly... you'll see I love you to be safe. 1259 words //