I'll Be Good || Jim Carroll

Chapter 3: A Lot More Forward

JIM'S POV:

I finally arrived home after spending the night at a girl's house. Neutron had set it up where I got to do it with her, while he had her sister. I sniffed loudly as I shook a little bit from the white substance I had been offered there. All you had to do was roll up a dollar bill and sniff it up your nose, and the drug was flowing through your system. I couldn't help but take a bit more before leaving the place. I zonked out the minute I fell onto my bed, grateful my mom hadn't heard me sneak in. Around noon I woke up to the sound of music, figuring Zoe was practicing again. I couldn't help but pull on some jeans and a muscle shirt before climbing up to her room. I lightly tapped on the window with the back of my knuckles, her jerking her head up to see me.

"Hey... It took me forever to wash out the smell of that river last night," she nearly giggled, me giving her a lopsided smile as I sniffed loudly. "Are you okay? You don't have a cold or something, do you?"

I shook my head as I tumbled into her bedroom. "No, I'm just stuffed up today." I shrugged as I played it off as nothing, almost tripping on the corner of her mattress in the small space.

"Do you want to sit with me while I play the piano," she offered.

"Sure," I agreed, planting myself on the edge of her bed before she spoke up again.

"Here, I hope this isn't too awkward, but I was thinking maybe I could sit on your lap while I played. That way we can really sit together."

Damn was she a lot more forward than yesterday. "Okay," I agreed, her awkwardly getting on top of me after I situated myself on the stool, wrapping my arms around her waist as she placed her fingers on the keys. I rested my chin on her shoulder as I heard the familiar tune ring out. "You really like that song."

"It's my favorite. I just love how hopeful and happy it is." The notes of Downtown reached my ears as she did the intro, eventually getting to the singing part.

"Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city

Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty

How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there

You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares"

The weirdest part was I could tell she genuinely felt that way about the city, seeing it as a beautiful place instead of a hell hole. In a way I related, since my poetry was about seeing the world in a different point of view. I simply watched her as she sang at first, joining in when she gestured for me to.

"So go downtown

Things will be great when you're downtown

No finer place for sure, downtown

Everything's waiting for you"

She giggled as my off key voice sounded, pausing to take my hands to place over hers as she guided them, so that we were now playing the instrument together. We both smiled widely as we finished the famous song, me being the whispering echo of the, "downtown," before it was over. She shifted a tiny bit to get a better view of me, and I mentally cursed when I felt myself getting hard. Thankfully she didn't notice, but I had to think of something to turn me off, remembering Pedro puking all over that guy's head the other day, which eventually worked.

She then crawled off me and onto her bed, pulling out a purple notebook with the spiral ripped out, duct tape replaced over the spine. "Mickey says you write a lot. I thought you might want to read some of what I've written."

I got beside her as my eyes scanned over her words in partly cursive handwriting. The way she wrote made me feel I was in another world like nothing bad could ever happen or touch me. I noticed her tense up when there was faint arguing in another part of her apartment, but she relaxed when it was short lived.

"I have something I want to show you too," I told her, digging in my pocket to pull out a sheet of paper.

"Little kids shoot marbles where the branches break the sun into graceful shafts of light...I just want to be pure." She read it so gracefully in a quiet voice, making my heart flutter, which had never happened before. "This is so beautiful, Jim." She looked over at me as her eyes flickered down to my lips from how close my face was to hers.

"Yeah, Bobby liked it too," I commented.

"Who's Bobby?" Her tone remained soothing as I felt a pang of sadness.

"He's my best friend. He's the greatest guy I know. No one can touch him on the basketball team. The whole team signed a basketball for him the other day. I brought it to him in the hospital."

"Is he hurt or something?" More pain washed over me as I realized she thought it might just be a simple sports injury.

"No, he has cancer. He keeps fighting it off, but I know he's going to beat it. Soon we'll all be able to play together again."

"I'm sorry, Jim." She gently took my hand as I hated how she was making it more difficult to mask my deep emotions. "My grandmother had cancer."

"I'm sorry too," I reacted, looking into her hazel eyes. "Where is she now?"

"Heaven," she weakly smiled, diverting her gaze as she vaguely cleared her throat. "Anyway, um..." Giggles escaped her lips as she covered her face, only peeking through her fingers. "Oh goodness, I'm not good at conversations like this."

"That's okay, neither am I," I admitted, us both jumping when the door suddenly opened.

"Hey, Zoe. Your mom and I are going out for lunch soon. Who's this?" The man had a few traits of Zoe such as her eye color and nose shape, obviously making him her father.

"This is Jim Carroll. He goes to my school. We were just looking at our writing together."

"You write?" Her father sat on the edge of the bed as I felt out of place.

"Yeah... Just some poetry and stuff. It's not that good."

He was silent for a moment before speaking up again. "Well, Jim, would you like to join us for lunch? We're probably just going to find a McDonald's around here."

"Sure," I weakly smiled. Despite the fact it wasn't normally something I would agree to, Zoe's beaming face was enough for me to say yes to anything.

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you're still enjoying the story so far. Please remember to comment, vote, and follow. Thank you so much! It truly means a lot to me! <3