Dahee finds it hard to focus on the lecture today─well, everyday actually, but this time it is harder. She has a lot on her mind that leaves no space for useful information to get in. Her thoughts are distracting her from what's actually important at the moment, but she struggles to push them away. She keeps thinking of how Jaemin came over to their apartment yesterday for the eighth day in a row. Not just came over though; he stayed the night.
His frequent visits made her suspicions change, and she doesn't want to think it is what she thinks it is, but when all signs keep pointing to that it is difficult to just brush it off. Her assumptions are just assumptions without concrete proof. Confrontations are something she avoids like the plague, so she doesn't think she has the courage to ask Renjun about it. Instead, she decides to wait for him to take the initiative to tell her. But, so far, he doesn't.
"Dahee, what is so important about the floor that you would rather stare at it then pay attention to the lecture?" Mr. Lee has his arms crossed and a pointed stare as he waits for the mentioned girl to answer.
"I'm sorry, sir," she lifts her head to meet his strong gaze and apologizes with a sheepish smile. "Won't happen again."
"It better not," he says firmly. "Keep your head out of the gutter."
She sinks in her seat from embarassment, just wanting the lecture to end. She doesn't see the importance of university, but for the sake of her father's wishes she goes anyway. He wanted her to pursue his dream of becoming a film director, wanted her to be the person he couldn't have been because of the responsibilities he gained at the ripe age of twenty-one. One of those responsibilities was her. Having a child at such a young age, let alone sleep with a married woman who was five years older than him, wasn't a part of his plans. But not everything goes as planned.
"Alright, that's all for today," Mr. Lee's voice booms as he speaks and Dahee is snapped out of another reverie. "And remember to pay attention next time."
He isn't looking at her when he says it, but she knows it is directed at her. Rolling her eyes, she flings her bag over her shoulder and leaves the lecture hall. She is about to head towards the soccer field to wait for Donghyuck who promised to drive her home since Jisung had borrowed her car to attend a family emergency earlier that afternoon when the latter's name lights up her phone.
"Are you done with classes for today?" He asks the moment she answers the call.
"Yeah, I'm gonna head home with Hyuck," she tells him. "Why? Is my car okay?"
He laughs, "I didn't crash it, don't worry, and I'm waiting outside by the way. I already told Donghyuck hyung I was gonna pick you up."
"You didn't have to." She says and makes a u-turn, now heading towards the main exit of the building.
"It's fine," he says. "I was craving some chicken waffles anyways and I'm assuming you are, too. We haven't been there since last week."
And his assumption is right.
The happiness in her eyes never leaves even after she swallows a spoonful of chicken waffles in her mouth. It isn't until she is finished eating does she notice the emptiness of the diner that isn't as weird now as it was before. She still wonders why it is only like that when she goes with Jisung though.
"What's your star sign?" She throws him a random question out of the blue.
"Aquarius, I think." He says before gulping down what is left of his hot chocolate.
She nods, "Cool. I'm a gemini."
"You into astrology?" He inquires and she nods again.
"Hyuck got me into it and now I have to ask every person I meet what their zodiac sign is," she says as her fingers fiddle with an unused toothpick. "Oh, I've been meaning to ask you this. You never really told me what went down between you and your ex and I'm just curious to know... and also for insight for my essay. You don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable."
"It's fine, I've already moved on." He says truthfully and she looks at him with anticipation. "Her name's Rose, like the flower, and she was as beautiful as one."
He begins telling her how he was new at school and so was Rose, both having just turned fifteen. She was quiet and shy like he was, but she had taken the initiative and approached him as they waited to get their schedules. Her smile radiated warmth that he thought he would melt from. Everything about her was lovely, he describes, from the way her laugh sounded like a heavenly melody to the way she was always at the top of the class.
She seemed too good to be true, but she was real and Jisung witnessed her perfect existence first-hand. Her beauty was the kind of beauty that could make anyone fall deeply in love in an instant, and like a spell, she bewitched him with her hazel eyes that lured him in. Even though he was an inexperienced and naive kid back then who barely knew of it, he knew it was love the moment he felt it. And who's to say it wasn't?
It was the little things that made him sure of it. Her giggles that made his heart flutter, the bizarre stories from her childhood that made him laugh, how her little, excited bunny jumps would make him feel all warm and fuzzy, and the way her dimple that carved a crescent into her cheek whenever she smiled made him feel butterflies in his stomach. She made him feel a lot of things, and one of those things he knew to be love. He didn't have an explanation for why he thought so, he just did.
Just like any other love story, one thing led to another. He asked her out on a date, which eventually lead to the second and the second lead to the third, and it wasn't until their sixth did he finally gain the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend. They were forever─it was what he thought. They weren't, but it felt like that. It was young love, of course it felt like forever was in the palm of their hands. But it was only just a temporary bliss.
The promises and "I'll always love you"s were soon discarded and all that remain are the memories. But holding onto the good moments were of no use; it only caused more pain than the bad ones. Because nothing is more stronger than regret. Young love shouldn't have hurt as much, but it did for Jisung and Rose at least. The amount of butterflies they felt in their stomach when "I love you"s were exchanged did not suffice for the immense pain the heartbreak gave them. It was painful, really. Because no one ever saw it coming, not even them.
"I fell out of love as fast as I fell in love with her. It didn't work out but so do other things, right?" He says with a reminiscent smile on his lips, the same one he had when Dahee asked him if he had ever fallen in love before. "Falling in love isn't so bad, though, it's far from it. Love is a wonderful thing, well, most of the time."
"Love kills you." She utters, rubbing her palm against the warm cup that is filled to the brim with the coffee she has yet to consume. Her eyes are filled with hurt, sadness, and every other emotion all at once. She wasn't the one to experience it, but she witnessed it and she really wishes she hadn't. "If not mentally, then literally. Look where my dad ended up... dead in both aspects."
