"This is so stupid." Dahee mutters with a groan and flails her arms against the mattress before turning over to lay flat on her stomach. She terribly wants the ground to just eat her up because maybe if that happened, she won't have to worry about the awkwardness that still surrounds her and Jisung. She told him to forget about it the day after it happened, but she herself can't even get it out of her own mind. The kiss also reminds her of something she seems to have forgotten.
"What is?" Donghyuck asks as he watches her with furrowed brows, confused by her behavior.
The game I started with Jisung. "Your face." She answers jokingly and laughs at his exaggerated reaction. He is her best friend but she's embarassed to admit everything that have been going on with her and Jisung. She doesn't even want to think about it, let alone talk about it. "Hyuckie, I'm bored."
"And I'm studying," he retorts, his back now facing her. "Go take a nap or something."
"But I already slept the entire day yesterday." She whinges, getting more whiny when he simply ignored her.
She gives up on annoying him eventually and decides to snoop around his room. Everything is neater than normal, she observes, his collection of books are displayed in a straight line at the top of his dresser and there are no dirty clothes littering his floor like the last time she was there. Instead, they were all in the hamper beside his closet. It is rare for him to have the motivation to clean up, but when he does, he does it perfectly. He does anything perfectly and she envies that about him. Not in a jealous way, but in an admiring way.
He is gifted with so many talents, a jack of all trades if you will. Everything just comes naturally to him, even if it is his first time doing it. He excells in both academics and athletics, even has the voice of an angel, makes everyone laugh with his sense of humor. There are so many good things about him, yet none of them made her see him in a different light. Everything she feels for him is only platonic; her admiration will never be anything more.
"Hyuck, I kissed Renjun again and I think he hates me this time─"
She is startled by Jaemin's loud entrance but is much more shocked by what he said. The raven-haired male's face pales seeing her there. She mirrors his shock, eyes wide like his.
"Oh, Dahee," he chuckles awkwardly. "Didn't expect to see you here. How've you been?"
There are so many questions she wants to ask, but only one arises from her throat, "You kissed my brother?"
"Yeah, I did," he admits and his ears turn red. "I've liked him for some time now, I told him that weeks ago, and I don't know if he feels the same way. He never answered my confession. And then I kissed him today abruptly before running off like a coward."
"Oh my God," she lets out a gasp of realization when she remembers the time Renjun came home a mess and out of breath with Jaemin following behind in the same state the former was in. "This isn't the first time you kissed Renjun, isn't it?"
"No," he says and his ears turn even more red. "That night you were meeting up with Hyuck and I came over at your guys' apartment, I had kissed him before that. He ran away... just like what I did earlier."
She questions, "Did he kiss you back though?"
"The first time, he did," he answers. "This time, he didn't. Does that mean he doesn't feel the same? B-but he kissed me back the first time. He is so confusing."
"He's Huang Renjun, what did you expect?" Donghyuck, who hasn't said anything since Jaemin barged in, comments. "He's like a painting with a shit ton of hidden meanings."
"He is," the younger male agrees with a fond grin. "And I love that about him."
"Go back and talk to him then," she tells him. "If you do, you might finally find the answer to your confession."
"You're right," his eyes light up as if he had an epiphany. "I'm gonna go back, confront him, and find out what he truly feels about me!"
And he goes as abrupt as he arrived.
"Speaking of confrontations," Donghyuck turns to her as the door of his bedroom shuts close. "Have you and Renjun reconciled yet?" She shakes her head in response. "He's really sorry for what he said, y'know. I'm not trying to justify it, but sometimes, people say things they don't mean when they're drunk and I know he didn't mean it. Don't feel pressured to forgive him if you can't yet, I know he'll understand."
She sighs and thinks about what he said for a moment, "Okay. I'll go talk to him later."
When later comes, she feels like throwing up. A knot is forming in her stomach and she grows hesitant as she stands at the door of their apartment. She has been avoiding her brother for a full week and she herself knows it is about time to talk to him, even before Donghyuck convinced her to do so. She really needs to stop running from her problems and just face them. But that is easier said than done.
She takes a deep breath and twists open the doorknob, her breath hitches when she locks eyes with him. He smiles hesitantly at her, expecting she would just ignore him and go straight to her room. But this time, she doesn't. Instead, she swallows the lump in her throat and asks him if they can talk. Finally. There it is, the infamous question that brings fear to everyone when prompted. But to Renjun, in this situation, he feels hopeful. After a week of not talking, that is all he wants.
"I'm sorry, Dahee," he immediately says, eyes filled with sincerity. "I was drunk, but I know that won't justify what I said. It was really shitty of me to say that and I get that you're mad at me, you have every right to be. If you need more space, I'll give it to you. Take all the time you need. I love you, remember that."
She doesn't hold back her grin and lunges at him. Thinking she's gonna hit him, he flinches, but to his surprise, he is engulfed in a hug. "You're forgiven, gēge," she says softly. "And I love you, too."
"Call me that more." He says, hugging her back.
"You wish." She scoffs out a laugh, then remembers the conversation with Jaemin hours before this and she is dying to know what happened─has been for weeks now. "Can I ask you something?" He hums in response. "What happened earlier with, uh, Jaemin? Are you two dating now?"
He doesn't seem surprised by the question. "Well," he retracts his arms and presses his lips into a thin line. "We aren't. I don't... I don't like him like that."
"But you─he said─what?" She sputters out, pursing her eyebrows in confusion. "You don't like him the way he likes you?"
He takes a deep breath and she listens assiduously as he tells her everything that happened between him and Jaemin. From his hunch about the latter's romantic feelings for him to him questioning his sexuality when Jaemin confessed. Jaemin told him it would be alright if Renjun used him to figure out himself, and he thought that would be so unfair to Jaemin. But he accepted his offer after more convincing and used Jaemin, which he regrets now.
"Well, what happened today?" She inquires when he pauses.
"He kissed me... I'm sure you already know that," he says and swallows thickly. "When he did, I felt so guilty and decided I won't lead him on anymore, won't take advantage of him even if it was him who offered. I should've said no when he did." He lets out a sigh and continues, "When he came back, I told him I can't return the feelings and that I'm into guys... just not into him. He understood when I told him we can just stay as friends. But I don't think things will be the same as before with us for a while."
What he said resonates with her. Things aren't the same with her and Jisung too, but they pretend it is. Pretending is so tiring though. She knows it will all eventually go back to the way it was before─with Renjun and Jaemin though, but not with her and Jisung. She doesn't think they can go back to normal, not after the butterflies he made her feel. But they are always bound to stray from the normal in the first place ever since she started this dangerous game people call "Love".
