Sinner and Saint

Chapter Seventeen

"How is it possible that you're dressed like a farmhand but still look like an absolute bombshell?"

I rolled my eyes at Vivienne as we each carried a giant bowl of potato salad to the dining area out on the sprawling Marlington backyard in Sunny Acres Farm. My crew and I arrived a couple hours early to set up half a dozen long tables and string lights on poles so they zigzagged over the space. I'd insisted with Stellan that we contribute in some way to the event and this was as much as he would let us do. Well, aside from also transporting some of the cold food items from the walk-in industrial chiller to the big white tent where they'd been cooking and filling up the buffet table.

"The same thing that makes you look like a goddess in plaid," I said to Vivienne. "Genes."

She glanced down at my well-worn pair of Levi's and shrugged. "Yeah. Those definitely fit you like second skin."

I laughed. "I meant genes as in your DNA. Not jeans like denim."

She didn't look bothered. "Regardless of which spelling, both have served to showcase you very well. My brother's having a happy birthday indeed."

I grinned and then grimaced right after. "Can you please leave off comments like that for the rest of the night? In case you haven't noticed, Lily's here and co-hosting the whole thing with him. I'm here as a friend—not as Jolene."

"Fine," Vivienne said as she rolled her eyes. "But in case you had any illusions that you're blending in as one of the boys, you're not. I overheard no less than four men thirst after you and you've been here two hours. And these men are people I know and usually like. And they're not frequently prone to slobbering over a woman like a dog."

My temper flared. "What do you want me to do? Wear a Tyvek suit? I have and trust me, it doesn't do much. I can't fix how I look."

"Who said you have to?" Vivienne asked, showing not the slightest worry at my tone. "You're never going to be able to hide the fact that you're insanely attractive. And you shouldn't. And I don't think you used to but watching you in the last two hours trying so hard to downplay what's too obvious to everyone, I suspect you went from having a fierce attitude about it to suddenly being so uncomfortably reluctant to own it."

I glared at her because I've quickly discovered, after having just a handful of conversations with her and today being the second time we'd actually interacted, that Vivienne Cartwright is painfully on-point with her observations and absolutely merciless with reciting them right to your face. But somehow, I knew it was the type of honesty that kept me accountable—and recovery had taught me not to run away from accountability.

"I spent the last two years out of the spotlight, busy with work and getting my shit together. I'd actually gotten comfortable with my body being what it actually is biologically—the thing that keeps me alive and living. I stopped viewing it as both the bane and blessing of my existence," I said through gritted teeth. "But with Stellan back in the picture, I started to become aware again of the kind of attention it drew—the kind that dragged my past back out in the open. And I don't want him seeing me that way anymore."

Vivienne snorted out a laugh and I almost dumped the salad on her. "Then you'll have to gouge his eyes out because he'll have to be fully blind to miss it. Seriously, Kady. Give my brother some credit. He's known to be smarter than average. I think he understands how time works and the potential difference between the past and the present."

I pursed my lips and told myself to think my next statement through because for one, I didn't really want a fight with Vivienne. And two, she had a point. "I'm just trying not to screw up."