Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards, #1)

Get in My Head

CONTAINS SPOILERS*

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU HAVE FINISHED THE BOOK.

I really hope you enjoyed reading this book as much as I enjoyed writing it. I loved every minute of exploring all the characters and was quite surprised with the final product.

For me personally, I like watching the behind the scenes of a movie to find out more about how the story evolved and when I read a book, I always wonder what the author was thinking or feeling when they wrote it. Sometimes I love the characters so much, I want to know more about them, so I decided to include this for readers like me. Here's a few things that even I had not anticipated when I first started writing Wanting to Remember.

So I thought of the basic premise and a few key scenes. I knew where I wanted the story to go but I didn't really think about how I would get there. By the time I got to mid-February, all of them kinda came to life and took over, and I completely lost control of the story, which brings me to my next point.

I would like to apologize for the fluctuating humor. When I started writing Wanting to Remember, I really expected it to be a light-hearted comedy throughout, maybe just little emotional at the end. When I read it as a completed book, I was like: Well, this isn't really a comedy. Actually, it's borderline depressive at times.

Unfortunately, I have a problem. I allow my characters to dictate the story instead of the other way around and the relationship between Max and Danny became more volatile than originally expected (Damn fire signs!).

I was forced to play along with almost everything that happened. For example: Danny and Charlie were not supposed to hate each other, but when I put them in the same vicinity, they were at each other's throats so I had to work with that.

I loved writing scenes with Charlie because it required no thinking. He was like an improv actor. None of his dialogue was thought of before-hand. I just threw him in and he played the whole thing out.

When I got to about April, I gave my sister the draft and asked for her opinion. She told me that she wasn't really feeling Danny and she couldn't connect with her character. So I said: "Okay, Danny, you gotta give me something special."

She then gave me the Timbaland dance scene. Now, when I wrote this, it was supposed to be a filler scene. Cute. Sweet. Corny. Just giving the reader a little more of Danny. But then she clung to this thing and it actually ended up being quite an important part of the book. Her new career, the first time she chose Max over Richard, her realizing she was in love with Max – all of it stemmed from that scene. So she knew something I didn't at that point.

Next on the list: If you got irritated with the slow pace of the book, trust me, I felt the same way. Feel free to blame Max. The accident was supposed to happen early March, but he wanted to explore his feelings for Sofia a little more. I wasn't keen to do that. I didn't think it was necessary for the story, but I think it was necessary for him to give someone else a chance. Because of this, I had to shift everything out by a month, which was already a delay. After the accident, I was trying to stomp the accelerator, but he kept slamming brakes. I kept saying: "Max, you need to make a move now."

But he was so hindered by guilt. I thought he would take full advantage of the situation. What I didn't realize was how much their friendship meant to him and betraying her trust was something he couldn't do. So I passed the ball to Danny but she was feeling too insecure because he rejected her, so I couldn't get either of them to do anything. I then had to move scenes around to get out of the corner I wrote myself into until eventually I was like: "Guys, you're killing me here! It's almost the end of May. I need something!"

My instructions were clear. I will set the scene for a kiss and then I want a f**king kiss. I don't care how it happens, there just better be a kiss at the end of this scene.

That kiss is the reason why I will always trust my characters, because what they gave me shocked the hell out of me. It was awesome. After that Danny couldn't keep her hands off him, so I just left it in her capable hands to move the story along because Max truly was painful at times.

So let me tell you a little more about my Max. I think it's obvious that I connected with him the most. His personality had more layers than I gave him. He taught me a lot. He taught me that steamy scenes don't have to be sexy. They can be cute and even silly.

He surprised me constantly. The personification of Penis, his fascination with her scars, his rage in the bathroom; that was all Max. It was never supposed to be part of the story. At the airport, I was planning a big, cliché finish. I was going to use that Jerry Maguire line: "You had me at hello" (that's why Jerry Maguire was included in the first place. I was building it up from the beginning.) But he ruined everything and left her waiting for seven hours. Seven hours? Who does that? I don't even know what he was doing. All I know is that he couldn't face her yet. Anyway, it seemed dumb to still use that line.

Another surprise was him kissing her head at the motel before he left. I actually didn't want him to touch her at all and he definitely wasn't supposed to cry. He was supposed to pick up his bags, say his parting words, and leave, but then he wanted to kiss her goodbye and I didn't have the heart to stop him (I don't know if you picked up on that sudden change of heart). I was glad that part was written from Danny's POV because I couldn't understand his reasoning and she certainly didn't either, so we just guessed. It was so unforeseen and it meant so much to me that I decided to put it in the Prologue. You probably think I'm crazy now (and you'd be right), but I hope you still enjoyed it nevertheless.