Bereaved-boyxboy

.ii. : cold soul

「Bereaved」

I couldn't seem to take my gaze off him, he hypnotized me. He looked so real as if Kaiden himself truly was sitting next to me. Sure, I had pictures that I always looked at when the sun went down and I laid in bed alone. I had a picture of Kaiden on his side of the bed, I could never bring myself to sleep on his side, his scent still lingered there and I was never going to ruin it. Although I had plenty of pictures, it didn't feel the same. His presence wasn't with me, but for some odd reason, I felt like he truly was here now.

It had taken me a moment before I nodded to York's question, slowly turning my head towards him. I had to remember what York told me a few months ago; Kaiden was gone. There was nothing I could do about it, I needed to stop letting my mind play tricks on me so easily. But..I couldn't help but look up at him again. From the soft curls of his hair to the sharp curve of his jawline.

He was looking out the window this time and I realized that his hand was over the top of mine, although I could not feel it. I stared down at our hands and remembered what it felt like to have his hand in mine. When he held my waist it was as if we were puzzle pieces, clicking so perfectly together. The way his larger hands held my small ones like they were the most rarest and precious things in the world. Damn, it still brought butterflies to my stomach.

I turned my hand over and went to lace our fingers together, although my fingers went right through the palm of his hand. I knew that I must be going crazy, but I hadn't cared. I needed Kaiden. Even if he was just a hallucination.

I had been clinging to the hope of him coming back silently, and I'm sure York knew it. But he hadn't said a thing. My therapist, who is also attempting her chance at getting me to talk, says that if I continue doing this to myself it could result in depression. She said that closing people off isn't the way to go about life. But I hadn't cared, this was the only way I wouldn't get hurt. This is the only way I wouldn't lose those around me, if I had no one to lose then I didn't need to worry about losing them.

When my time comes, I'll be with Kaiden. I won't cut it short and I won't make it any longer. Kaiden's life was cut short and I want to live my life for him. I'm choosing how I live it and this is how I want to.

Kaiden looked over at me and then down at our hands, he smiled down at them softly.

His smile...His smile held so much happiness in it. When he smiled the whole world brightened. All my problems seemed to erase away with his smile. His sweet pink lips curled perfectly. His teeth were as white as a cloud and straight as an arrow. Those features created the perfect smile I loved, the perfect smile that brought me peace and comfort.

I quickly snapped out of it when York parked at JJ's. The ice cream shop was quite cute, with pastel colors and small flowers lining the ground outside. I hadn't been to JJ's before, I don't get ice cream since my slight lactose intolerant problem but I still continued to enjoy milk products.

I followed York and Anise inside, the small bell above the door ringing when we did so. Ice cream places had this weird smell to them, it smelled like anything but sweet.

I had excepted Kaiden to disappear as he had before but strangely enough, he followed us. It was so odd what my mind was doing, making it seem like Kaiden truly was here. York sighed as he waited in line, some customer was chatting away with the employee.

"..Kaiden liked ice cream.." York said after a long moment of silence. Anise's eye's snapped to him and she just stared at him before looking down, nodding.

"Yeah he did, didn't he?"Anise and Kaiden weren't exactly close, but Anise had admired Kaiden. He was everything she wanted to be.

"..." York stared off in thought before turning to me.

"Are you heading home or are you having dinner at my mom's house?" York's mother was the closest thing I've had to family. Mom had left with another man soon after I got into kindergarten and dad often worked, leaving most things up to me. Dad had died a few years ago because of liver failure.