Bereaved-boyxboy

.iv. : a whisper in the wind

        I stood at the door, my eye's staring into Kaiden's. York and Anise wanted to go to the beach, they didn't want me cooped up at home, it didn't really surprise me, they constantly took me out. They thought that leaving me alone would leave more time for grieving and that meant falling into a more depressive state. Although I highly appreciated them, I didn't want to leave Kaiden home. He just got here yesterday.

I had stayed up all night, making sure he didn't leave. He laid beside me, his eyes closed. I thought he might be asleep, or maybe not, I couldn't tell if he was asleep or resting.

Kaiden just smiled from the couch and laughed a bit. "Go on, just have fun," he waved his hand a bit and yawned from the couch, he leaned back and closed his eyes. I stared at him and then nodded, picking up the bag that I had packed. It held sunscreen, towels, an extra swim trunk, sand shovels, and other beach supplies. I opened the door but hesitated, looking over at him.

As if he knew, he raised a finger. "Go on, it'll be alright, I'll be here...I love you." He let out a smile.

I stared at him and smiled myself, looking down and shutting the door as I walked out. That's what I needed, all I needed was for Kaiden to smile and tell me it'll be alright. That's all I needed, was him with me.

York was waiting in the driveway, Anise, to my surprise, was in the back. When we went out Anise was always at the front and I always sat on the back, it didn't bother me though, I liked sitting in the back. I opened York's car and got inside, shutting the door and setting the bag down.

York slowly pulled out of my driveway. "I don't understand why you're doing make-up, it'll just wash away anyways." York chuckled softly, as he turned the wheel and headed down the road. I glanced up at Anise from the rearview mirror and she shrugged.

"That doesn't mean I don't have to look pretty when we get there," Anise rolled her eyes as she applied lip gloss. York looked at me and gave me a look that said; 'she's crazy.'

I let out a soft giggle and looked out the window, smiling a little. I was trying to forget how I left Kaiden at home, it felt wrong to me. I was trying not to think about it.

Anise blinked in surprise and leaned forward, "Wait..did you just giggle?" She whispered her silver eyes rounding in surprise.

York smiled softly and sighed softly. "I miss hearing your voice, especially your laugh" He murmured, tapping his finger on the wheel to an unheard melody.

My eye's widened and I turned to look at York. I stared at him, remembering Kaiden's words;

"...I miss your voice.." Kaiden's voice echoed in my head, making my ears ring. I could hear my heart thudding loudly and I looked down, smiling softly. I nodded at what York said, not being able to take the smile off my face.

"I do too, it has been a long time since I've heard you laugh.." Anise smiled softly at me and placed a hand on my arm. I looked at her and looked back down, smiling a bit, nodding once again.

It was nice having my friends with me, especially knowing that Kaiden was back, it felt like my old life was back again. Maybe, just maybe, once I get used to this lifestyle I could try to start talking again..

The rest of the car ride consisted of bickering between York and Anise while music played. It didn't bother me, listening to the two fight was quite interesting. Not only did it bring back memories, but it made me more comfortable, it allowed me to relax.

I sighed softly as York slowly pulled up the parking space. The sun was out high and it was about 90 degrees out. We all got out and laid our towels and clothes on the sand. I sat down and leaned my head back, allowing the sun to wash over me. The warmth was comforting. I sighed contently, remembering when Kaiden and I went on a date to the beach. The day was so clear, his laughter as he splashed me with water. I had to admit, it was one of the best dates I've ever had. Then again, I didn't date before him.

I had crushes when I was younger, some were male but I refused to believe that I was gay. I was supposed to like girls, it would be more right to be attracted to girls. But as I grew older, my crushes began to be all male. When I met Kaiden, my life really had changed. I had to be accepting of myself—I had to love who I was.