I see it in your Eyes (you'll be alright)

Chapter 19

The moment came unexpectedly. It was a regular old Tuesday morning in the NICU for Jennie. She had gone about her usual everyday morning routine just as she always had - wake up, get dressed, grab a quick bowl of cereal, do Ella's hair, head out to the hospital. Only, on this completely regular Tuesday morning, the dark cloud of exhaustion that had been following her around in recent weeks was penetrated by a ray of light so blinding that Jennie swore she saw the gates of heaven open before her very eyes for a split second.

One of the nurses had been seeing to Evie when she had arrived in the room that morning. Jennie had greeted her with a smile as always, and then she had gone about her daily morning routine of being filled in on any and all changes with Evie's health. Jennie was painfully aware of how blessed they truly were that they hadn't had any major health scares with Evie in the few weeks that she had been with them - her weight was increasing regularly, she was almost completely weaned from the extra oxygen that she required and she was a complete champ at regulating her own temperature.

However, one tiny little crucial detail that Jennie had somehow missed despite her rigorous research was that NICU babies, Evie included, were often given small doses of caffeine to help mature their lungs and keep oxygen flowing throughout their tiny little veins. It had been an offhand comment - Jennie had breathed a laugh as she'd told the nurse that she was struggling without her morning coffee. The light in the darkness had come when the nurse explained that, contrary to popular belief, it would have little to no effect on Jennie's milk if she indulged in just the one cup, especially seeing as how Evie was already being treated with caffeine anyway.

Jennie wasn't ashamed to say that she cried tears of joy the second that the nurse stepped out of the room, and they only amplified when said nurse returned a few moments later with some coffee in a takeaway cup.

"Oh god, bless you." Jennie breathed a sigh of overwhelming relief as she took the cup from the nurse.

"I wasn't sure how you took it but we have some milk and sugar in the staff room if you need any."

"Black is good. Black is perfect." Jennie rushed out as she felt the warmth seeping through the cardboard cup and into her hands. The wisps of steam that carried the blissful scent had been taunting her for months on end. Now though, now she could take advantage of it and she fully intended on doing so.

Just as Jennie was about to take a sip, Evie let out a little squeak from where she was currently laying on her chest, blindly mouthing around in search of food as she continued to groan. Jennie, still in a daze and desperate for that first blissfully warm sip of coffee, reluctantly set the cup down for a moment so that she could guide Evie to her breast. Only once she was settled did Jennie turn her attention back to the lifeline that she had been deprived of for almost a year.

The rest of the day passed by surprisingly quickly. Jennie always treasured her days in the NICU with Evie, but she finally felt enough like herself to be able to fully enjoy the moment with her baby daughter. The little bit of relief from carrying the weight of her exhaustion, regardless of how brief, was nothing short of heaven for her and she was already counting down the hours until her next cup.

Now that she was aware of her ability to drink caffeine, Jennie was able to plan ahead. The cheap hospital coffee had sufficed for the time being, but tomorrow she fully intended on bringing her own in a flask. The shiny silver tin of granules had been sitting inside their pantry for months, Lisa didn't like Jennie's favorite brand of coffee, she insisted it was way too bitter and always preferred to get her own from the little cafe down by the school before she started work each morning, so it had remained untouched throughout her pregnancy and Jennie couldn't wait to make some up for herself the following day.