My baby.

Beautiful nightmare

(Tw: emotional breakdown, nightmare? If that's a trigger for anyone.)

Sapnap woke up, alone in his old bed. No one next to him. He opened his eyes slowly and turned to his side picking up his phone. He didn't see any notifications either. Not t a single text or call. He got off his bed and walked into the kitchen pouring coffee into the small chipped mug. It was cold, but still enough to make him feel warm inside almost. Yet he was still tired. Tired of everything, low on energy. He felt like he could pass out almost. He went back into his room and set down the coffee mug on his side dresser and laid down. His breath was slowing down as he relaxed into him s crooked bed. His eyes fluttered shut and he fell into a deep sleep. At one point he thought he was awake. But he wasn't. He was dreaming.

He saw a small image of karl, and him. Sharing their first ever kiss under the stars on that hill above the city. It was a replay of everything. He stared at everything the two have been doing the past month almost. Sapnaps vision came to a stop, so did his walking. He was free to wander around the land by himself. It was almost like he was in his own mind with his memories. He heard a faint whisper from behind him and he turned around seeing Karl at the end of a tunnel with a beaming light. He was standing there as graceful as ever. He smiled at Karl, but karl didn't smile back. A small weary shadow came out from next to Karl and took his hand into his. Sapnaps eyes wandered around and he felt his eyes tearing. Karl and the shadow turned around and walked towards the light sharing a passionate kiss while walking.

"Karl, please wait don't go.." Sapnap reached his hand out. He ran at full speed towards the light, he was so close to catching karl and embracing him. Once sapnap got six inches from Karl he put his hand out the touch him. Then, poof. The light was gone, karl was gone. Sapnap looked around in this dark place while having his breathing speed up. He felt warm tears fill his eyes. He was spinning in circles almost. "Karl?! Karl I'm sorry please, I love you!" Sapnap was running in a full speed to try and find anything. Until he found a cliff. A cliff with Karl standing over it.

He stared at Karl. "Karl.. please." Karl put a soft smile on his face and turned to face towards the cliff. Sapnap managed to peek down from the sides. The cliff was filled with hands grasping and almost calling out to karl. "Sapnap." Karl looked at sapnap with an emotionless expression. "It was never meant to be." Karl stepped his foot out and sapnap watched as the hands took him into a dark pit that soon turned into decay. He fell to his knees and cried. Until he was transported into another area. Bright and beaming. Karl was there in a multi colored jacket. He was looking around. Karl turned around and faced sapnap with a smile peering on his face. He ran to sapnap and put his arms out. Sapnap looked up at Karl and smiled having the tears wipe away from his eyes. Karl was so close to him, sapnap ran to karl at the same pace and reached his arms out. But nothing happened. Karl was gone again, he was left alone again with no one else to hold besides himself. What has he done?

Sapnap sprung up from his bed sweating and tearing up. He brought his thumbs to his temples and rubbed them. He had to fix this. He jumped out of his bed and raced out the door into the hallway. He stopped infront of karls door. He hesitated to even knock on it, he used to just walk in when he pleased. He banged on the door with slight aggression. Karl jumped with his heart beat racing due to the banging. He was nervous to go open the door. Until he heard a voice. "Karl please, open the door." He ran out of his room almost falling down. Once Karl reached the front door he put the tips of his fingers on the knob hesitating. Until he opened it. Sapnap busted into the door and took karls waist into his hands and placed a rough kiss on them. Karl leaned back from the aggression sapnap was using on him. His breath was taken away by the kiss almost. "Sapnap?" Karl opened his eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am, but please don't leave me karl. I need you, you're my baby. You- I can't just leave you too you know? We need each other. I-" Sapnap was cut off by hearing karl hick. Was he crying? "Karl..?" Sapnap looked at Karl. "Please just go away sapnap. I don't need this right now." Karl pushed sapnap out the door and locked it. He pressed his back up against the door and sunk down into it. He cried, more rough than he's ever have in years. Why did he push sapnap away? He knew he loved him, but he can't bring himself to it anymore. Sapnap stood outside the door in shock and anger. He was angry with himself for the most part. He let karl slip away from him. He sunk down into the front door of karls apartment and buried his face into his palms. They both sat there together, crying. Back to back without even knowing it. The hiccups and sobs almost matching each other's. Sapnaps tears seeping into his pants from burying his face into them. Karls hair dangling in front of his face being a little damp from sweat and tears. Sapnap clutched his hair into his palms. And banged his fists against the floor. Karl heard the bang and jumped. Was sapnap still out there? He wanted to open the door so bad and see, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. After leaving sapnap for the longest time and returning with more heart felt feelings than ever, he was going to leave him all over again. He was pushing him away again. Because karl was scared of getting hurt, so he hurt sapnap first. He didn't know what to do, his mind was filled with thoughts about sapnap. Sapnap leaned his bed back against the wall and smiled a little. "Why karl?" Karl heard the voice from beyond the door. Sapnap was still out there. "Because i-.." Sapnap waited for an answer. "You what karl?" Karls face froze. "I don't want to leave you again, but this time I think it's for the better.." Sapnaps eyes filled with tears again. "Why though?" Karl put his cheek up against the door. "I don't know. I'm so confused sapnap.." Sapnap looked up. "Do you still love me?" Karl looked around. "I don't know." With that sapnaps eyes flooded with tears. "Okay karl, I'll see you soon." Sapnap got up off the floor and walked away from the door. He ran to his apartment wiping tears on his sleeves. He opened the apartment door and looked around. His anger was taking over him. He found a photo of him and karl kissing under the big apple. He ripped it. He ripped it into tiny pieces. He watched as the pieces fell to the floor. He was crying even harder than ever. He took everything that reminded him of karl and destroyed it. He even thought of burning the items. Once he was satisfied he sat down on the couch. "I hate you, karl jacobs." He sunk down into his cushions and he felt like he was being destroyed on the inside. What could he do now? He was alone. With no one. He had no one now. He had no point in trying anymore. Sapnap soon fell asleep letting little hics and sobs escape from his mouth until his eyes fluttered shut. Maybe next time he can do things right.