YOUR SMILE, MY REASON || CHOWEN

CHAPTER 9

The drive home was completely silent, Jeanette was at the wheel and the two boys in the back seat, Owen in one window and Charlie in the other.  The instant she saw the young couple she knew that the blond now knew about his son's condition.

Owen didn't want to accept that.
Charles was young, healthy, had taken him to incredible places, made him love him and then said he would die?
It was unacceptable and completely unfair.
He was not the victimized type but at that moment all he thought about was: Why me?  Why the man I love?

Charlie wanted to touch the blonde's hand, to tell him that everything would be okay and that she was sorry to have hidden it for so long but it wasn't as if he had regretted it, as she had said at the altar: he would do it all again.

She couldn't stand Owen looking at him knowing all that because she knew the look would be pity and it wasn't what he wanted.
He wanted to remember his passionate eyes and his hot lips, he wanted to remember how Owen didn't know how to deal with praise and silly outbreaks when he was surprised.
That was his Owen.
The true.
Not one who would love you with pity.

- We arrived - Mrs. Gillespie says, Joyner takes the bag and gets out of the car without saying anything, he felt betrayed by her too.

Upon entering the door, Dinah looks at him with a big smile that disappears the instant she meets her son's eyes, filled with tears.  .

×

After a shower, Owen comes out of the bathroom wearing one of his boyfriend's, now husband's, T-shirts and throws himself on the bed.
It doesn't take long and then Daniella enters the room and lies down on the bed next to her best friend hugging her waist:

-Your mother called me-the girl says-She knows she won't say what happened so she asked me to try.  What happened?

- Charlie, all this time I was hiding ... - Owen tries to speak but the tears and the choked voice take the lead - He has something in his heart and, there is no way to ... Operate.  The drugs are just getting worse and ... I don't want to lose him, Dani, I don't want to.

Despite being surprised by all that, Daniella continues to embrace the boy as if to say he is not going anywhere.
She didn't know what to say to him so she would just let him out.

- Did it never cross his mind that it could hurt me too?  He made me like him.  Made me love him and get married so I can decide I want to die?  Is not fair.  It's not, ”Owen says through tears and sobs.

- He didn't choose that, Owen.  He wouldn't leave you if you had that option, he loves you.  You know it.  Can't you just forget about it and stay with him for the time you still have?

- Forget?  - Owen asks getting up from the bed wiping his face, he was angry but not with her but with the situation - It's not like he's going to travel, Daniella, it's not just a month out of the country or two.  It is forever.  You can't forget that.

×

Two weeks had passed since the trip to Las Vegas.
Two weeks since Owen had last seen Charles, he didn't know how to answer his messages or calls without starting to cry, but he was going to see him that afternoon.
He had made the decision to go over his stupid pride and accept that, accept that the romance they had lived in now would only be a memory in the Paradise of Memories which Charlie would stay for eternity.

After ringing the bell, it only takes a few seconds for Jeanette to answer the door, Owen smiles slightly, holding the bouquet of flowers in one hand, his heart is racing and he doesn't know what to say.

- I ... I'm sorry I ran away, I had to process everything and think about what I was going to say to him.  I don't really know yet but I need to see him, can I get in?

- Owen you ... It took too long, honey - she says, her eyes were swollen as if she hadn't slept in a few days - It's been three days.

- The ... What?  No. No. No ... I didn't take long, where is he?  Aunt, where is he?  - Owen asks now crying again, the woman then approaches hugging him.

- It's okay, don't be like that, calm down - she tries to calm him down even if she also cried.

After taking him inside, Mrs. Gillespie pours him a hot tea to calm the boy down.
Owen had his gaze fixed on nothing, he could feel his head hurt but it didn't hurt any more than his now empty chest.  As if he felt nothing at the same time that he felt everything.
He was angry at Charlie for lying and angry at himself for taking so long.  He was also sad and felt broken.

- I love him... Do you think he knows that?  - Owen asks now staring at the cup of tea in his hands - I was stupid and selfish but I love him.  He can't forget that because if he does, I won't be there.

- He knows, darling.  He knows how much you love him - She says wiping her own tears - My son is a good boy.  All this time keeping it a secret was because she didn't want to hurt her boyfriend ahead of time.  Because you would be hurt anyway, Owen.  He just postponed it.

- We got married - Owen says in a weak laugh wiping a lonely tear on his cheek - He said he didn't regret anything and would do it again.  He was right to think that I would look at him with pity because that is what people do when they know that others are dying.  I would have been afraid all the time.  He was not wrong.  Can I see his room?

With Charlie's mother's permission, Owen goes to the bedroom and closes the door upon entering, everything was as it always was, a complete mess.
Not just any mess, it was Charlie's mess.  The mess he knew where everything was in case he needed it.
His pink sweatshirt was folded on the bed, Charles had been the last to wear it, on his desk the study notebook and the teddy bear they had left there since the last trip.

Upon taking the bear, Owen lies on the bed hugging him tightly while closing his eyes, a part of him wishing that all this was just a bad dream that he would wake up to any second but when he opened it, everything was still there.  Anything but Charlie.
He gets up from the bed and takes a deep breath, trying not to cry when he wears his sweatshirt, one of those who liked to share.

It still smelled like his tasty vegetable and a stain of grape juice on his sleeve, Charlie was a disaster when he went to eat.  He always made the biggest mess.
Owing his hands in his pocket, Owen feels a paper there, when he picks it up, he notes that it is a crumpled sheet of notebook, carefully he opens it feeling a pain in his chest when he sees Charles's ugly handwriting there:

    "Dear Owen...

I never wrote a letter.  Is that still used?  I think so.
   Anyway, I'm writing because I don't know if I'll see you again after I tell you my secret.
You must hate me now and that's okay, seriously, I was a complete idiot.
  An idiot who refused to tell you everything out of fear but you know ... I'm not afraid anymore.  Thanks to you.
I didn't know what to expect after kicking the boots.  For me, people were like lamps, sometimes they shone and sometimes they didn't.  When burnt just discarded but you told me something that made me see death differently.
The paradise of memories.
Does it sound familiar?  Hope so.
This is much better than just erasing for eternity.
It is good to know that I will see you on the other side, I will see everything that we have already done.
I'll see you ignoring me on the first day of school ...
I'll see you skiing in the snow and complaining about camping in the car.
I will see your ugly laugh and your obsession with that silly series and I will also see our ridiculous attempts at cooking.
You were my reason, Owen.
And I hope to be yours too.

Love, Charlie :)