Call Out My Name

Out of the Shadows

It was the norm by now. She knew she was either going crazy or that her guilt was eating her up on the inside.

Alina was going about her day, doing her chores as usual.

The only unusual thing about it was the voice she heard from time to time.

Her name, a tiny whisper. A reminder that some people leave a lasting effect and memory on you. No matter if dead or alive.

She learned to live with it the way she learned to live without her Grisha powers. It was not every day that she heard her name whispered while walking the dark corridors, but she didn't jump anymore. It was all in her head. She was the only one who heard him. It was her conscious, playing tricks on her. It was the fact that she was no longer a Grisha, no longer special.

Yet, at times she felt shifts. She wondered if it was just the worry for her friends. If they were doing okay. She knew they were in capable hands, but she also knew that just because someone can take care of things, it is by no means a guarantee that the outcome will be positive.

She worried about Nikolai and the fact that he still had that demon inside of him. She worried that Ravka was still at war. Their enemies didn't stop. She felt useless and that her tries were futile. Why kill the Darkling if it didn't change much? Why still hear his voice? Why was she so uneasy?

Her days were becoming bleaker. Sure, the kids were a joy to be around, and she was glad she could offer them proper shelter and education. She was happy with Mal, and yet, she worried. Something felt wrong; something kept bothering her.

Maybe this was just her punishment for daring to do what she did, for daring to lose her Grisha powers. The only reminiscent things about her ever being a Grisha were the blue Kefta she kept well wrapped and hidden in her wardrobe that Zoya gifted her and her white hair, a product of her dapping into merzost.

At times she would stand by the window and watch the light play around her fingers. There was a time she could call it whenever she wanted. There was a time she was powerful.

Who would have thought sunny days would make her this depressed and gloomy? Who would have thought she'd hurt so much when she was reminded of what she used to be, of what she could be?

"Alina."

She sighed and placed her forehead on the cold window. The sun was out and was warming her up, but the glass was still cold from the rainy night previously. It felt like the only thing that could pull her back into reality. The touch of something cold, something real. Something that was there.

"Alina."

This time it didn't come in a whisper. It was clear as if he was standing in the room with her. She shut her eyes as if this was going to clear her head. She sighed once more. I am going crazy. I am not okay.

"Alina."

There was more demand this time. Alina was reminded of his cruel ways, of him being able to charm and seduce and then show you the real him, the one that had control and power over you. She shivered.

Something was wrong. Alina worried about her friends. She was sure something had happened in the palace. It had been a while since they came to visit her or check for any Grisha among the orphans. It has been a while since they wrote to her.

All of this, the weather, her gut feeling, the Darkling's voice in her head that was getting clearer and clearer by the second, it was a bad omen. She knew something was wrong; something had shifted, something big would happen. And this time she won't be able to help them.