Call Out My Name

On the Way to You

"What do you mean you know?" Zoya raised her voice at Alina, who in turn was looking out the small window. The view reminded her of a time where she used to pass this same road, but she was accompanied by someone else and was heavily guarded. Back then, she was wanted dead, and she was sure now was no different if her enemies ever found out she was alive.

But would they kill her now? She was no longer a threat to them; she was no longer a Grisha. She was useless and unneeded. Weak.

"Why do I have to come to the palace?" She asked in return. "I can be of no help. Not in the way I am now, at least."

Zoya pouted in return and crossed her hands in front of her chest. She, too, looked at the view on the outside and stayed silent for a while. It was now that she realized it had been a while for Alina at the palace. It was a while for her to leave the orphanage at all, possibly exposing herself. And yet, she seemed calm and collected. She silently looked through the window. Who knew what was going through her head? Who knew what she felt?

"Alina," Zoya started.

"I hear his voice," Alina interrupted her and turned to look at her. "I have been for a while now."

"But, how?" Zoya asked, confused. Alina just smiled at her and shrugged her shoulders.

"I saw him today," she told her as she turned her head away, afraid that her eyes would give away way more than her words would. "Before you came to get me. I saw him. He looked a bit different, but there was no mistaking it was him. I thought I was going crazy, that the guilt was eating me up on the inside. I wish this were the case."

"But why would you still be connected to him if you are no longer a Grisha?" Zoya thought aloud, not thinking that her words might hurt her.

"I guess some connections go beyond that. I was supposed to die without my powers; no Grisha is supposed to survive losing their core, their true selves like that, and yet, I am still here."

"I am sorry," Zoya said.

"Don't be," Alina smiled at her.

Zoya saw at this moment what the Darkling and Nikolai saw in her. She was strong. Her will, her spirit, and her soul, they were strong. She needn't be a Grisha to become a Queen of Ravka. Her presence as it was now was powerful enough. Alina was a fighter. She always has been, even when she couldn't use her powers on her own. Even when she doubted herself the most, even when she didn't believe in herself. Even when she was under so much pressure from the others and their high expectations of her.

She really was a Saint, and sadly, she also was a martyr.

"So why are you taking me to the palace? The risk is not just going to fall on me if I got found out."

Zoya knew what she meant. They were all in for big trouble; if the world found out she never had died. Worse yet was the fact that a few select people knew and helped her hide. The people would still paint her as a martyr and Nikolai as a liar, who would not be seen fit as a King if he can't marry the beloved Sun Summoner, but instead, keep her hidden from the rest of the world all to himself.

It is not like Zoya didn't try to knock some sense into him when he ordered her to bring Alina to the palace. She told him how bad the situation already was and that bringing her here could only be a trap; it would not be dangerous just for her, but for him as well—his already crumbling reputation.

Nikolai only told her that he knew it could be a trap, that he was being played; he was at the mercy of the man he thought dead for years. But he also told her to remember who he was and that he always had a plan. To her, Nikolai was a big gambler. He gambled with his life and fate, and somehow he was still alive. She was scared his lucky streak would come to an end soon if it hadn't already.

"He could kill her!" She shouted at him. "Do you really want to put her at this risk?"

"He won't!" He shouted at her in return.

"How are you so sure about that?"

"He could never harm her," he told her in a calm voice as he was walking up and down the room. "No man who gazes at her like he did when she put a blade between his ribs would ever kill her."

"Very romantic of you, Nikolai," she mocked him. "But Grisha are different; ancient, strong beings like him are different. You admitted yourself you were hurt when Alina rejected you; how do you think he felt when she lost her powers to kill him? His pride is bigger than you might think."

"Men are fools, Zoya. I thought you knew that by now."

"Oh, I know. I have known since I was a child. And now I am trying to prevent you from this foolishness."

"Men in love are the only fools you cannot stop." He told her calmly while looking into her eyes with a firm expression. Somehow it felt there was something more there.

Zoya let out a sigh and shook her head.

"He still might hurt her," she said in a quiet worried voice.

"He won't; I will make sure of it."

"Whatever."

Zoya shook her head at the memory. She was the royal babysitter. And maybe she was the Darkling's too.

"The Darkling has requested your presence," she quietly told Alina as she was watching her profile, looking for any change in her facial expression. She only huffed.

"You must be in quite the predicament if you're actually following his orders," Alina said and turned to face her.

"It was Nikolai's order." She said. Alina raised an eyebrow at her friend, and a small smile made its way on her lips.

"Don't start," Zoya warned as she lifted a hand to stop any comment coming from Alina.

"He is a handful," she said.

"He is annoying."

"How is he?"

Zoya knew what Alina meant, she turned her eyes to her, and now none of them were smiling.

"Worse," she told her. Alina just nodded her head. It was to be expected with the Darkling back.

They both fell into silence for the rest of the ride. There was so much to be said, and yet everything was already out.

Alina looked out the window and reminisced about the old times when things were different and could have been different if she made different decisions. Deep down, she knew there was no way for her to chose any different. But maybe the situation could have played out differently. The outcome or the people around her, they too had made their own choices. It was not just her that moved things. It was all of them. And she was still involved, she was still relevant, she was still of help and needed. She smiled at the thought.

"Your smile is creeping me out; stop it," Zoya told her.

"It's good to be needed and of help," she shared. "Even if I can't offer much."

"You can offer just enough," she encouraged her.

"I will be seeing so many of my old friends gathered in one place," Alina smiled at Zoya, but her smile soon vanished as she saw her paled expression.

"Zoya? What is it?" She asked and touched her hand to get her attention back to her. She seemed out of it. Zoya just shook her head and smiled reassuringly at her.

"Nothing," she told her and smiled.

It's just that you sound just like him. Zoya thought. It was scary how much alike and different they were at the same time. How much they belonged. How much they were the same coin, just a different side.

She remembered the words that gave her chills and sent shivers down her spine. Even still as she recalled them, she could feel her hairs rising at the mere thought.

"So many of my old friends, gathered in one place," the Darkling had said from the mouth of a loyal, gullible boy, another fool who had loved him. "It's good to be home."