I shouldn't love you - Seo Changbin

-6-

"Y/n, I shouldn't love you...but I do"

Those words played over in your head a thousand times in the space of a second. You stare at him, your feelings that mirrored his wanting to burst out more than ever. You want to hug him and admit you love him too, but that cant happen. You slowly move back so there's a little more space between you.

"We can't do this Changbin," you say coldly. He looked at you with confusion since you didn't deny your feelings. "Y/n if you feel the same we will find a wa-" he tries to assure you. "No. Please leave Changbin. We can't be together, you're an idol. Plus this isn't just about us, the rest of the boys-" you're cut off "Know about this! They're okay with it." But that isn't the point, is it? They may be okay with us being together but what happens when they're receiving floods of hate? What happens when the company tell them to ignore me. "I think it's best if you go, you're right, you shouldn't love me." The hurt in his eyes is piercing. But what hurts more? This or living a secret life with the constant fear of the public seeing you together? You do love him, you have for a while but almost immediately convinced yourself that you didn't to protect him. 

He leaves. You can see he doesn't want to, you don't want him to. No goodbye, no hug just a silent walk out with the few words trying to piece a sentence other that could rewind time. 

Within half an hour you're receiving texts.

Felix: Y/n, what happened are you okay?

Jisung: Did something else happen online?

Hyunjin: Y/n please answer

Jeongin: Why is Changbin hyung sad? Are you upset too?

Minho: Guys I think something happened just calm down

Seungmin: Is it about the photo?

The chat was crazy, but you also received a DM from Chan.

Chan: Changbin told me. Y/n I'm sorry you feel this way. Please think about this, it will be hard, I know. But you're our friend, we can talk about this. How about tomorrow? Let's meet. 

You think long and hard. Do I see them so we can come up with a plan? Do I admit my feelings properly to Changbin? No, this way will be the best way.

Y/N: Chan. I want to, believe me. But I mean this, we can't be friends. The tension in the company will affect you and I don't want to get started with what could happen on social media. You've all been amazing in helping me start my life here but we can't keep fighting this. I'm sorry. I know this all sounds dramatic but please protect yourself and the boys. 

You received a very long message back. But didn't change your mind. This is for the best. And that was that. 

. . .

In the following weeks, you had convinced yourself the right decision was made. You watched new performances and interviews Straykids did. You could tell in their interviews that they were a little down, but it wasn't obvious to the audience. The online speculation continued as more photos were released, making it obvious that it was Changbin in the photos. The worst one is the night Changbin came over and confessed because the same poster got a photo of him entering and leaving the building. The company released a statement denying allegations, you guessed the company would have split you if you hadn't yourself. You only got the occasional message checking in on you but you didn't reply. Not because you didn't want to, but what could you say?