𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡/𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭

tw: self harm and suicide

this is a heavy chapter, read at your own will ꨄ

i let out a sigh as i threw myself on my bed. i was so bored. i decided to facetime y/bf, he's been pretty distant lately. but not the "he's cheating" distant you know? it was different. he didn't pick up, great. i wanted to check up on him, see how he's been doing. i'm not a very clingy person but i did like to make sure he was doing okay every day, after all i do love him. he was pretty dry with me yesterday too. it worried me.

you see, y/bf struggles with his mental health. i do too but i've been struggling with it for longer than he has so i just kinda learned how to deal with it. he's still so new to it all. he doesn't know how to let it out or control how he feels so it's a process. a process that i've witnessed, when i met him it took him a while to tell me about it. since then i've always tried to help him, and he says that i do. i try to teach him little things to help him get through it. one of the things i like to do is just give him his space when i know he needs it. so i have been. i haven't seen him in 2 weeks, well in person at least. and i wanted to see him, nothing big just maybe give him a hug and a kiss and go. just a reminder that i love him i guess.

i'll just shoot him a quick text

y/bf/n <3

hi my love, just checking in to see how you are :)
delivered

he didn't answer so i decided to scroll through netflix and try and find any shows or movies i haven't seen. i decided to click on a show i've been hearing some hype about. i was about midway through the second episode when i got an incoming call from y/bf. i quickly answered. "hi baby" i answered cheerfully "um hey can uh you come over real quick i um i kinda need you right now" my face instantly filled with worry "yeah i'm already leaving my house" "okay i'll be here" "okay i love you" "i love you too" and then he hung up. by the time our call ended i already had my shoes on, i grabbed my keys and headed towards his apartment.

his voice sounded so weak. what happened? please be okay. god fuck what happened? fucking shit can this car go any slower? fuck fuck fuck fuck oh my god fuck. he needs me? he never asks for help oh my gosh please be okay please be okay please be okay.

i pulled into the parking lot and ran out of the car up to his room. i opened the door and shouted "y/bf/n? baby where are you?" i walked into his room and there he was.

i felt my heart drop. he was sitting on the ground next to his bed, his head down and a blade in his hand. i heard him sniffle. i walked over to him "hey, hey what happened?" i crouched down next to him and he looked at me. he was in so much pain. his body told one story but his eyes told another. all he could manage to say was "i'm sorry" i pulled him into my arms and he just started sobbing. i was dumbfounded, absolutely shocked. my head swarmed with so many thoughts. i tried to hold back my tears but i just couldn't. i squeezed him and placed my chin on his head. "don't be sorry, don't be sorry about anything okay?" i looked down at him and his arm was covered in cuts. some days old and some puffy, those were the fresh ones. blood dripping from the newer ones. i looked at his hand and gripped onto the blade. he let it go. i chucked it across the room.

"i love you, i love you so much y/bf/n and you mean the world to me okay? please know that my love" i reassured him. "and whatever you're going through we'll get through it okay? anything you need i'll be here i promise, every step of the way, you'll never be alone okay?" we were both sobbing. i just held him. he tightened his arms around me. "i'm sorry y/n, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry" "don't be sorry y/bf/n" we just sat on the floor for an hour crying and hugging.

"what happened?" i asked him "i didn't wanna feel it anymore. it hurt so fucking bad and no matter what i did i wouldn't feel better, i tried everything and nothing worked. maybe life just wasn't for me? maybe i was put on the earth and i was meant to be taken out. so i thought about it but i couldn't do it. why couldn't i do it y/n? why?" "because you know you're meant to be here y/bf/n, because you know this isn't what you want you don't want to die you just want to stop feeling this way my love" "so i called you. i didn't know what to do and i was scared, scared of myself and i needed someone and you were the only person i could think of." he took a long pause "because i couldn't leave you" i started sobbing once again.

he didn't deserve to feel this way. he was the sweetest person on earth and nothing he's ever done or will ever do should make him feel this way. i just wish i could take it all away. i want him to be happy and feel okay, no matter what it takes.

"we'll get you help if you want it okay? if you need therapy or to change your living dynamic hell if we need to break up we'll do it okay? anything y/bf/n we'll do it together i promise" "okay" "you're tired aren't you baby?" "yeah" "do you wanna take a nap? i'm sure you won't feel as drained after it right?" i cracked a smile "yeah" he responded. he lay down on his bed and cuddled up to me. i placed my arms around him and ran my fingers through his hair.

i hate how he feels like this. what should i do? i want to help him i'll do anything to but what exactly do i need to do? is this the wrong way of dealing with it? fuck. i guess we'll just figure it out right?

he fell asleep and i just appreciated him. so strong and so kind of a man he is. bad things truly always happen to good people don't they? "i love you" i whispered into his ear.

i promise you y/bf/n you'll get better.

a/n
i have A LOT to say about this chapter but i'm planning to say it all in part 2? that is if you guys want one and if so please comment and say so! it would help me out a lot.

requests are open!! 🤍

word count: 1209