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I felt a slap on my face. What does she want?

"What?", i asked. She was about to slap me again but now, i got a hold of her hand and i pushed her to the ground.

"Don't underestimate me", i whispered to her and i walked away.

That's my daily life. Bullies. Yeah, i'm a pushover. But, when they're too much i fight back. Mama didn't raise a weakling bitch.

I got home fast.

"Ma!", i greeted and she smiled.

"Kain ka na, 'nak", she offered that i gladly took.

"How's your day?", Papa asked.

"Good", i smiled.

"Elaborate", he said that made me chuckle. I said what happened in school but i didn't say the part when a student slapped me in the face.

"That's good. I'm happy that you're happy", he said.

I'm in my room. I just did my homework and i have a last one pending but i got lazy. I'll just do it later.

I'm scrolling through my phone. I don't know what to do now.

My phone suddenly vibrated and it's my friends. They're calling. So sudden.

"Hello~", they greeted me but i just nodded.

"Magsalita ka naman", natatawa nitong sabi.

"Tinatamad ako", sabi ko kaya natawa sila. They just talked and talked while my mind is flying. Thinking.

A tear suddenly left my eyes. I quickly put my phone beside me so they won't see me crying.

I have no problems. Why am i like this.

I don't have family problems, except they get mad when i got tired and i don't do homeworks HAHAHAHAHA.

I don't have school problems. I'm just lazy to do homeworks.

I don't have problems with my friends. I am the problem because i suddenly get quiet. It's like i am wanting to be left out.

I don't know myself.

Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?

I pulled the sheets. I am frustrated at my self, always has been.

"Mga anak. Sabihin niyo kung depressed kayo ah", he said. What?

"Bakit?", tanong ko.

"May nakita kasi ako sa internet na nagpakamatay dahil depressed siya", sabi ni Papa.

How can we know we're depressed? Gosh, papa.

"Pa.. kailangan magpa-check sa doctor kung depressed ka o may mental illness ka. Hindi namin malalaman yun ng sa sarili lang namin", paliwanag ni Ate.

"Ah.. Gusto mong ipadala ko na kayo ngayon?", tanong ni Papa. Napatampal nalang ako sa ulo.

"Ikaw, bunso? Okay ka lang ba? Feel mo ba may depression ka?", tanong ni Mama.

"Okay lang ako, Ma." I am not.

"Sure ka ah.." I went to my room 'cause they ended the discussion.

I am not depressed. Ayokong magself-diagnose.

I want to be depressed. I want to have a dark past and childhood. I want to be miserable, so that i can have a reason to hang myself.

What did i just said back there?

Am i okay? I slapped my face lightly. I'm crazy.

I just want an excuse to be this girl right here. An emotional bitch who always cry.

Bago pa nila ako ipa-diagnose, uunahan ko na sila.

I hope this works. Take me home.

I opened my window. Lumusot ako doon at nasa labas na ako. Good thing my room is on the first floor.

I'm near home. I smiled.

I just walked. Being careless is the key to go home.

I'm just standing here in the middle of the road. I closed my eyes as i run forward in the road.

Now, take me home.

"Miss! Get out of the way! Do you want to die?!", a man shouted but i just ran towards the sound and i felt an impact sending me to the ground.

Am i home?

I opened my eyes and i saw a light. Am i home? I looked to my right and i saw Mama smiling. This is not home.

"Ma.."

"Anak. Paparating na ang doctor, 'wag kang mag-alala..", she smiled.

"No.. Ma.. I don't want it here.. Take me home", i said and she nodded.

"Pupunta na tayo sa bahay kapag magaling ka na, 'nak..", she said and tears are running out of her eyes.

"Ma.. Hindi sa bahay.. Take me home, take me to heaven. I can't take it anymore, Ma..", i said and she hugged me.

"'Nak.. 'Wag ka namang magbiro ng ganyan.. 'Nak, mahal na mahal ka namin, 'wag mo kaming iiwan please.."

"Hindi ako nagbibiro, Mama.. I'm so sorry.."

"'Nak.. Please 'wag mo kaming iwan.. Please 'nak.."

"I'm sorry, Ma. I love you. Tell papa and ate that i love them", i said.

"No! 'Nak! Please kapit ka lang.."

I'm so sorry. This isn't what i planned. I should be dead when a car hit me.

When i saw Mama crying, i was about to lose it and hug her back. I hate seeing someone cry because i cry too.

Ma. Baka lumaban ako dahil sa iyak mo.

"Hindi na ako magagalit kapag 'di ka gumagawa. Sasamahan kita araw-araw. Aalagaan kita araw-araw. Manonood tayo araw-araw para maging masaya ka. 'Wag mo lang kaming iwan, 'nak. Please..", she said.

That was tempting. I can't lose now.

"I'm sorry, Ma.. Mahal na mahal kita. I will watch you everyday when i get home."

"No! 'Nak! 'Wag!", naiiyak na pigil nito.

"Ma.. please let me rest..", i whispered. She smiled.

"Make sure to take care of yourself there.. I love you too. We love you too", sabi nito kaya ngumiti ako.

I heard the beeping of the heart monitor, until it got straight.

I heard my Mom crying.

I saw how my sisters and papa rushed to the room to see Mom crying.

I saw the light and i followed it.

I'm Hazel. I'm 14. And now, i'm home.