The 51st President ✓(Book Four)

Chapter Eight

  There's a certain coldness to the way she utters those words. As I watched her lips move, I prayed to a deity I don't believe in- one I never have, because this can't happen. In modern history, only two world leaders have been...what I am. I freeze again, only able to imagine how startling it must be to Lilith.

  My entire body shivers. The room itself is freezing, but that's not why. My eyes begin to burn, a fire that cuts through the rest of my body. What am I supposed to do now? Either way, it'll end up on the news eventually and ruin me.

  Most people are adamantly pro-choice. I am one of those people- believing that everyone should mind their own uteruses, and that if you don't have one- you don't get a say at all.

  I didn't think mine would ever have anything in it but blood and dead skin cells. There's a certain sense of responsibility that goes along with this, too. One so big that I can't bring myself to move or say anything, until I feel Lilith trying to shake me out of it.

  Her hands are necessarily forceful and effective. When my head begins to bob back and forth, I finally blink. Only then do I remember how important it is, because my eyes start itching instead, and I have to take almost thirty seconds to catch my breath.

  Still-I don't hear a word coming out of the doctors mouths. I merely think about how real this is, and that I can't run away from it. The thought terrifies me- what will I do with the fetus?

  I could fish it out of there myself and flush the thing down the toilet. Maybe, if I'm lucky- I won't even scream. Or I could take an overdose of mugwort tea; I hear that's effective. For whatever reason, the...those types of doctors just scare me.

  Not because of what they've chosen to do for a living, or because they're immoral. I see them as so incredibly strong that I could never compare, especially the older ones- because they were actively practicing when Williams tried to ban it. Back then, it was more secretive. Doctors office's would spread it through word of mouth for a short time, and the women were expected to keep quiet and only mention their existences if a friend directly mentioned not wanting to be a mother.

  I don't want to be a mother. Is that so wrong?

  I look down at my stomach, placing a hand over it. I can't feel the thing yet- when my mother was pregnant with her second, she didn't feel kicks for months. Still, knowing that something's growing just below the surface..... that I'm making something that could potentially turn into a human....

  No.

  Yes.

  No.

  Yes.

  I argue with myself in my head. No matter what I decide, this will be the hardest thing I ever do. Well, second hardest. I couldn't imagine anything bypassing running the Illuminati and an entire country.

  I don't know what, but I can feel it in my soul. Whatever happens is meant to be. I blink a few more times, slowly coming back to reality. Lilith nods, staring at me with an intensity like she expects me to snap any second. I'm surprised I haven't.

  "Can you...I'm sorry can you walk me through that again? I'm....processing." I stutter, looking at doctor Ruth. She is my comfort doctor. I know her better than any of the others. I don't even remember how long she's been my physician, which is why I decided to bring her to d.c. I didn't feel like finding a new doctor, as the old saying goes- "don't fix what ain't broke."

  "Of course." She says, a kind smile spreading across her face. It's the little things, like that smile- that make her so perfect. She's able to turn every situation into a good one, draw worry out of people; all while giving the best information. "Everything looks fine with your fetus. Your blood tests are normal and you're about three weeks along. We believe the fainting incident was due to exhaustion. If you plan on keeping the fetus, I suggest....sleeping a normal amount."