I Have a Plan (Linda Cardellini)

part 5

Months later

"Hey, can I admit something?" You two were sitting on Linda's couch, and you were about to tell your best friend something only two other people know.

"Yeah. Of course, y/n." Linda noticed you fidgeting with your fingers, so she grabbed one of your hands and held it: reassuringly, of course.

"So uhm... you know how I said I never had a serious relationship when we started this?"

"Yeah..."

"I actually did... kind of. I'm not really sure, honestly. I mean- it was real to me, but not to the other person." You looked down at your hands, not wanting to make eye contact. There was a reason you never told anyone. It happened so long ago, but it was one of the things that made you who you are today. What made you not trust people so easily. What made you make sure they were worthy of your trust and that they wouldn't do anything with it. Before her, you really just gave your trust to anyone. Anyone that you liked. Sure, it wasn't many, but still. The shit that she put you through, and then the way she continued on with her life acting like she did nothing wrong. Was it you?

"Y/n? Are you okay?"

You could tell you were shaking just the tiniest bit. "Uhm.. yeah. Anyways, I'll give you the short version. So, this girl. Let's call her.. Sam. Sam and I had the same friend group. The only difference was, I became friends with said group first. I developed a stupid, little crush on Sam, and when I told her I got rejected. Not only that, but she continued to tell me that she was in love with someone else. Obviously, that hurt. It was a big ouch. So, I decided to just keep my distance from her because I never wanted to make her uncomfortable with anything stupid I would say. But, she didn't want anything to change and still wanted to be friends. Back then, I was that person who would do anything to make others happy, so we started talking again. About a month later, we started dating. But, I actually found out.. on Valentine's Day, that she only dated me because she thought my friends wouldn't like her anymore if she didn't. Which, is honestly the stupidest thing I've ever heard. To be honest, it could be another lie she told. The real big thing is.. I usually don't fall for the person at all or I fall hard. And, her, I fell hard. I thought she was going to the one I came home to, but we weren't even together for that long. It was like two and a half months." You were officially crying now. Fantastic. You quickly wiped your tears with the back of your hands, still continuing to not make eye contact.

"Shit, y/n. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves that."

You raised your eyebrows for a split second. "It's not your fault. We didn't even know each other yet." You chuckled sadly, finally looking somewhere else other than your hands. "She was really good at pretending."

Linda frowned, wrapping her arms around you. "When did this happen?"

"Like.. second year of university."

Instead of replying, she laid your head on her lap.

"I just wanted to be wanted. That feeling... I felt that with her."

"I know, sweetie."

"But, of course, she was an asshole and it was all fake. Every. Single. Part. Of our relationship. You know a little piece of me still loves her. I know it's been years, but if she wanted me back, I would go in a second. No hesitation."

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish there was something I could do." You looked up at Linda's chocolate brown eyes. "It's my turn to confess something." All you did was raise your eyebrows at her. "I think... I love you."

true story

-ayva