Ebb and Flow - Book 1

Twenty two

Trigger warning: Mature content involving another character (very brief)

Less than a month had passed, but as Gulf stretched out his body on the warm sand, his time with Mew Suppasit felt like it had taken place in another lifetime. He hadn't seen or spoken to the elder man since the day that he fled his condo - in fact, not just the condo, but fled Bangkok entirely.

He had departed that same night, collecting his new medication and then boarding a plane to Phuket to join War and Yin in their home town. It was the semester break and War had promised Gulf could join them for some seasonal work at his family's small resort. An easy escape.

Drawing himself up to rest on his elbows, Gulf watched his two friends as they splashed in the shallow waves, whooping and howling, so carefree. Were they more than friends? Gulf had pondered this on occasion, but had no concrete answer. All he could say was that they were rarely apart and were fiercely local to one another - they were happiest together.

Gulf felt the familiar bruise of heart ache at that thought. Just because he had left the city behind didn't mean that his thoughts and memories had stayed there too. On the island, Gulf had made sure to fill every minute of his day - making an excellent impression on the Ratsameerat family as a first-time seasonal worker. But it was the only way he could survive.

Gulf's heart had shattered - really broken into pieces - as he walked the streets of Bangkok that day.

"This is the only way. It's too hard, it's too complicated. This is the only way", he had muttered under his breath. A mantra of self-preservation.

Yes perhaps he would be 'happiest together' with Mew - well, he knew he would be - but would he survive it? Was he really built for pure love?

//

The more Gulf drank, the more he hurt. Wasn't alcohol supposed to numb the pain? He grew steadily angrier at himself as each swig of lager or shot of vodka just seemed to spur on his asshole brain:

Mew Suppasit, Mew Suppasit, Mew Suppasit.

The stronger suppressants and blockers had calmed the physical effects of his trauma, but couldn't touch his mind. Or his heart.

Yin bounced over in an attempt to guide Gulf from the seated booth to the night club's dance floor where War was bopping about, but Gulf pulled his arm away brusquely.

The rhythmical thumping bass, the flashing strobe lights, the smell of booze and sweat and poppers. Gulf's head began to spin. He needed a release, needed an oblivion.

Eyes scanning the dance floor, he found what he was looking for. A girl with eyes on him, watching his reaction as she laced herself around a pole. She was hot, very hot - eyes seductive, finger beckoning him.

But Gulf didn't want to go to her - no, tonight, she must come to him. Nodding at the girl, Gulf stood and walked towards the bathrooms, checking over his shoulder to see that she was following.

As the lock to the cubicle door was turned, the girl eagerly began to kiss at Gulf's neck and cheeks. Reaching to pull his face down towards her, she wanted his lips...

He instinctively turned to avoid her contact.

Confused, she tried again, moving her fingers to unbutton his shirt and groping at the front of his trousers...

But instantly his hands were on hers, halting progress.

"What the fuck?" the girl flung at Gulf in frustration.

Not even bothering to answer, Gulf turned to the wall of the cubicle and screamed out his long- hidden rage, repeatedly crashing his fists against the surface - bang, bang, bang, bang - until he had nothing left.Then he sank to his haunches, on the filthy bathroom floor, and he wailed out loud - the saddest, most broken of sounds - as tears fell in an unending stream.

He needed his alpha. He missed his mate. He wanted his Mew. His Mew.