Compelled | h.s. AU

seven

this chapter contains includes suicide attempts/thoughts and intentional drug/substance abuse. i am very aware this chapter will be triggering to many people who have suffered with deep depression and people with suicidal thoughts. i would never add this to the plot for fun nor flippantly throw this into the story; i want to spread awareness that depression is extremely real and IMPORTANT. but this plot line is important to these characters and how they will continue to grow and because of that i wanted to include the raw emotions people in our world continuously suffer through everyday. please seek out for help, everyone deserves the help they deserve.

at the end of this chapter i've included resources that touch upon the subjects addressed in this chapter. please do not read if you are sensitive to the triggerings up above. i LOVE you <333

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The stars

The luminous balls of gas and hydrogen, held together in its own gravity. Built within clouds of dust and scattered throughout most galaxies.

Whenever there's a clear night sky I look up to see those bright dots, some of them are planets, some of them are suns like ours, and I think how little we appreciate the magnificence of our own sun.

When the moon is out I can stare at it for hours. It seems so small up there and then I remember how far away it is, and realize how big the glowing rock is. I can use my very own telescope and look at the extravagant details.

Earths moon looks like a simple garden rock yet I am reminded that I could get lost in any of those craters. It puts things into deep perspective.

I think of the size of the universe we live in, how our own sun is just another tiny bright spot on some other world's night sky, how insignificant yet amazing life on earth is. I then think about the elements that make the molecules of life and how those elements are everywhere in the universe, where they come from, how they got here and became part of me. We are made of the same stuff stars are made of.

I look at the stars and I am reminded of how lucky I am to exist, let alone be a human with the mental power to appreciate the world and to a small degree, understand it. It sorta reminds me of my childhood, laying on the grass looking at the stars with my mother, sharing our visions through our dads telescope where I first saw the moons of Jupiter and the rings of Saturn. I look at the stars and I am transported, amazed, humbled. I believe it makes me a better human being.

Us humans wake up, do our usual morning business, go for work and school, spend the whole day doing something for the society in one way or the other. At this very time, our logic rules our brain. We have to do all these tiring mundane tasks or duty, because we know that these things are essential in order for us to live. You never think deep questions like "Is this what I deserve?" Am I living my life as I wanted to?" What lies beyond this Earth that is quietly waiting for us to see it?" "Why does nature work in mysterious ways?" "Am I enough?"

And then comes the real part...

At night, when you look at the vast, infinite beautiful night sky with full of stars, you are actually reminded by the universe that you are deeply loved, deeply cared for, that there is still someone beside you even if you don't always feel it. You are so tiny yet with an amazing capability that you yourself is unaware of. It signifies that there is freedom out there in your own heart but you must feel it. At this exact moment, all your ego shuts down and what lies is your inner wounded child that you thought you have to suppress it in order to blend with the society, as you are taught that this is what you should do.

However, the inner child knows that it had made a promise. A promise to Universe. A promise that it will learn and strive to be a better soul despite the material world circumstances. It sees the home that we truly belong. We recognize and for a second feel the love we felt before we forced to become something in the harsh world. This reminds us the promise we made when we were younger. And that emotional inner child feelings manifest as a deep longing to be a part of the stars that you see and presents infinite possibilities before you. Notice that at those moments, you will hardly think about the daily routine and at times feel the goosebumps caused by feelings. That is the real self of you that you were searching for. We don't need anybody to make you whole. We have ourselves at the end of the day.