Just Feelings

3

This time I'm writing on my phone, so I'm sorry if something autocorrects to like some weird shit.
I do have my personal dictionary on my iPhone so here's a little uh... key?
Shit/fuck - duxcanf
So I'm writing this in the car, hence the reason I'm on my phone. So this morning and last night I was feeling pretty shitty, for two reasons, mostly. Reason one, I got some shots yesterday so my arms hurt a lot. Reason two, yesterday I was talking to Aidan (ex boyfriend I'm pretty much obsessed with still) and I said something about how he has Hailey (his girlfriend that he's dating currently) to live for. Now, it didn't really bother me in the moment. Fast forward a few hours later, I'm so upset and there's tears streaming down my face as I'm venting to my bestfriend (Mark, he also might be reading this and if you are, hey mark 👏👏). Now, blah blah, I was building a sims house at the time and after venting I was feeling better but it made me tired. It was around midnight when I finished the house so I left a note on my dads chair telling him I finished the house he wanted me to build. So I decided to fall asleep yknow on call with Mark and one of my other friends, which happens pretty much regularly. There's barely ever a time where I don't fall asleep on call, lol. So, that night I have a dream about, guess who, AIDAN!
Now, dreams about him are nothing new. I've been having them since they day he broke up with me, October 26.
But they don't happen as often anymore, thank god, but this one just kinda yknow, hurt because of the conversation previously. The dream was pretty basic.
I go to a nightclub, I'm getting drunk, I see Aidan dancing with Hailey. Normal, right? Well my brain decides- Hey what if we make Aidan break up with Hailey and bring you home and then hook up with you, then ask you to be his girlfriend the next day?
So that's what happens. I woke up at around 3ish in the morning and Mark fell asleep on call, too. One of my other friends was still there so I talked to him for a bit. I haven't told anyone about the dream yet. Then when I went back to sleep and woke up at 6, I didn't have a memorable dream.
So I wake up thinking I'm going to school but I'm not because I have a fever because of my shots so I decide to hop on my game and talk to a couple of my friends while shooting people.

Okay enough about my entire life in the past two days, here's some more about how I was feeling last night. So, yknow those mood swings where just like, you don't feel anything but at the same time the mood is so strong it would overtake any good news you'd hear? Well that's how I felt. It was like, well, do your parents tell you that you should cherish your life? Well I never asked for my life, why do I need to cherish it? I never wanted this, I never asked for this, I never wanted to be born. Why do you have to cherish something you never asked for? It's practically like being called selfish for accepting something given to you.
Does your mom ever say that she brought you into this world and she could easily take you out of it? My mom does so I'm like, 'do it, you won't. I never asked for you to bring me here so do it, I dare you.'
I just realized that yknow how quotation marks are supposed to have those little curve thingies? Well I could never remember which ones came first BUTTTT now I can 😎
"" '' it's literally 69
Everyone remember the term 69 now and like it's funny. Damn I'm so fucking dumb lmao