Just Feelings

dad

It hasn't been a month, barely 3 weeks. Though, it still feels like yesterday that I saw your limp body on the floor of your bedroom. I could tell you were dying, with mom giving you cpr and crying. Your skin was paler than usual. Seeing you in the hospital room was hard. It didn't feel like you. You weren't there. You weren't you anymore. I hate not being able to say good night to you anymore or go anywhere with you in the car, but I guess it's not my choice. The funeral was hard. I know you were there, watching us all. I know you heard my speech. It's really hard to wake up and not see you anymore. And it's really hard to not cry, but I don't do it a lot because mom needs me. I'm all she has anymore, besides her sisters and your kids. I feel like I shouldn't be sad anymore, like I should just get over it, like everything else. The pressure is really high, because I get really bad episodes now but if mom loses me I don't think she'd make it.