Just Feelings

5

alright grammarly, i love you, but right now fuck off

alrighty aphrodite lets get into this hell hole shall we

my life isnt awful

i get that

but my life isnt perfect either

my sister tells me often that my household is toxic

that, i dont believe. yeah i get it making fun of your daughters cuts isnt exactly the best parenting, and neither is wasting money on videogames, but if im honest, id rather have a happy childhood filled with videogames than eating healthily. i dont care about my health, never really have. i dont care about myself to eat enough, bathe enough, or even get out of bed enough. every morning im groggy and dont want to get out of bed, so i sleep more, no matter how many hours of sleep ive gotten. i wait until my last alarm around noon so that i finally get up, then i do my chores so that i dont get grounded. i stay up really late and then get nightly mood swings and get terrified because of disassociation. i cry because the slightest things i see on youtube or tiktok will make me cry. i crave coffee but i refuse to get any because 1 i dont need coffee at 2 am and 2 i dont want to get out of bed to make it. every morning my legs hurt so bad that it takes me a while to get up. im dizzy every time i wake up and i have to take 3 pills every morning and one at night to help me sleep. sometimes i have trouble sleeping, sometimes i dont. i just accidentally popped my pill, literally. its a gel pill so if i squeeze it too hard it pops. im also really hungry right now, i might make some ramen or mac n cheese. it is really late and im not in so much of a bad mood anymore, i might go play sims or cyberpunk, or watch more tiktok or youtube. im also thinking of doing a daily screentime showing. of course it would just give people a reason to bully me, but i suppose thats okay...