Living With Animals

Chapter 30

Claires POV

Right after last chapter ended

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"Are you fucking insane?" he asks, slamming his hands on the table. I flinch, backing away, and he looks at me realizing how he scared me. His eyes soften and he looks down, mumbling a quiet sorry.

"I'm not insane, I just don't want to go through with this."

"Why not, Claira?" he asks, confusion swarmed within his voice.

"I just don't!"

"Why?"

"Fine, you really want me to answer that? I will. I don't want to fucking live anymore. That's it. I'm over this. I'm tired of being away from everything I know. I'm tired of living with him!" I say pointing towards my father. He grumbles and ignores me. 

"I'm tired of the pity looks, and constant special treatment. I'm tired of chemo. I tired of costing my family everything. I'm tired of getting pushed from place to place. I'm tired of trying to navigate my life. I'm tired of it. I don't want to live."

Jacob's face contorts from confusion, urgency, worry.

I leave the table and walk outside, sitting on the porch.

"I don't want to live," the words echo. I've never fully said it. I thought it. But never said it, up until now. I've always pushed it to the back of my head.

But it's the truth.

It's all too much. So overwhelming.

So,

terrifying.

Being poked and prodded at with needles like your some sort of animal. Being constantly hit by your father. Worrying whether or not how well my treatment is doing, and if I'm going to die.

I don't want to live...

But I don't want to die.

"Claira?" Jacob's voice asks, walking out on to the porch and sitting next to me. Out of nowhere he's wrapping his arm around me and I flinch, panicking. "Sorry. I didn't realize that was goign to scare you."

"it's okay. Normally it doesn't. But, that's because when I'm with you, I expect to have you arm wrapped around me. I expect you to do something like that, so I'm not uncomfortable. But I was expecting it as of right now, so I panicked."

"Do you always panic when someone touches and you're not ready for it?" he asks, geniunely wondering.

"Yeah, a lot of the time actually. Sometimes when I'm expecting it I panic. I just usually try to brush it off."

"Can I ask why?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. It's not you, it's my dad. Just from him hitting me, it makes me worry when someone touches me. It wasn't happening hardly at all when he was gone, but not that he's back, I'm more...... susceptible, to it."

"That makes sense. I'll be careful around you, okay? That way I don't scare you." He smiles, a warm smile that gives me butterflies inside. A smile he usually only gives me. 

In response, I wrap my arms around him. 

"Okay, deal." I whisper in his ear.

He slowly wraps his arms around me, making sure I know, then he hugs me tightly.

"So, as much as I hate to ruin this moment, do you want to explain what happened inside?" he asks.

"Not really, not yet." He frowns and then nods, understanding. 

"We can talk about it when you feel ready to."

"Thank you."

We sit for a moment in silence, until Laken interrupts us.

"Sorry to interrupt your love story, but I need to talk to Claire, Jacob. So move." Jacob stares at him like he's insane. "Please," he adds.

Jacob sighs and stands up, then whispers something in his ears, to make Laken's eyes go wide. He nods in understanding, then as Jacob goes inside, he sits down next to me.

"Hey, Claire."

"If you say anything about what happened inside, I will slap you 15,000 times."

"Guess I'll have to endure the pain."

"What do you want?"

"Something you said in there. I think everyone else was too distracted by your blowout, but there was something I caught."

"Okay." 

"I need you to give complete and utter honesty." I nod and he sets his hand on my back, just as Jacob did, but Laken only does it to comfort me. I flinch at the feel of his hand touching me, then relax as he quickly moves his hand back.

"Please don't touch me."

"Sorry," he apologizes. "Anyways Claire, why did you say you were tired of living with you're father?" I freeze at the question, and my mind spirals. Down and down, in an endless cycle.

"I-i-i-"

"You don't have to answer right now. But at some point, I want to know."

"O-okay." He goes to walk out the door, and I stop him. "Wait, Laken.

"Yeah?"

"My dad, he-" my voice changes to a soft whisper. "He abuses me. But you can;t tell anyone. Please Laken."

He sits there, face contorted into confusion and he opens then closes his mouth multiple times.

"Claire. I won't tell anyone, because you asked me not to, but I think you should report him."

He leaves into the house and I follow him. I then depart from him, heading up the stairs to my room.

My mom walks up to the room, and smiles sweetly. I know why she's here.

"Mom, we're not talking about this right now. Just save it. But, if you think we have enough money for the surgery then we can get it I guess. But I refuse to take charity."

"Okay." She nods, and walks out of the room, as I plop down on my bed, opening a book.

This is going to be a long week.

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Hey everyone, thank you for reading the chapter and I hope you like it. I fyou wouldn't mind, please take a look at my book called Deja Vu.

Have a great night everyone!

-Sav<3