Conundrum II | JENLISA | On-going

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Unedited but dropping this here before our midterms next week. Wish me luck and I hope you like this chapter. :)

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I love you.

The childlike pout from her face was instantly erased and replaced by a frown, marring her already tired features. She was about to turn her back on me when I tightened my hold on her and pulled her to look at me. "Don't be like this, Lisa. Let's talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about." She said without looking at me, making me slightly grimace from the cold tone.

I sighed and with a little bit more force, I pulled her closer until my head softly landed on her back. I locked my arms around her, took a deep breath and bit my lips. "Come on, Li. Talk to me? Please? Please don't do this."

"Jen,"

"I-I'm here..." My voice cracked because it made me feel like she already forgot that I was here for her. That I'm always here for her. What came with the crack of my voice were the tears I've been holding on to for god knows how long.

Could I be blamed that I feel like this? I'm getting tired of this charade; of this push and pull and this wall she built around herself. Everytime I was near her, I felt like I needed to think things first. Like I can't act rashly because she could explode anytime and push me further away. I can't even properly show her how much I care for her and how much I am willing to sacrifice for her... for this when she's acting like this, when she keeps forgetting that we were in this together.

I choked back a sob. It's hard. Goddamn, it's so hard when you have the one you love in your arms yet, you could still feel like there's a barrier separating the both of you. Like the one who you gave your heart to was a stranger yet she still feels like home- one that is cold yet inviting... standing yet almost crumbling.

Near yet feels like she's on the other side of the globe, battling unseen enemies while all you could do was to look at her, wanting to reach for her hand and help her. But you couldn't because she's starting to feel like one of your enemies with the silent blows she's giving you, with the silence she's throwing your way.

"Please don't shun me away," I whispered, letting me tears fall freely. I could hear the desperation in my voice and the crack in my heart. Why did I have to beg for this? Why do I have to plead for her to not close her self to me when it should be natural for us both?

What happened to the Lisa that spoke everything and held nothing between us?

I squeezed my eyes shut which made more tears fall. "Please. I c-can't- I can't see you like this."

She stiffened in my hold and I tasted the metallic tang of blood as I bit the insides of my cheeks hard. It hurts that after all these years, after all we've been through, I could somehow still make her uncomfortable. I know that her shirt was slightly wet because of my tears and I know she could feel it and hear my small intakes of breath but Lisa, for awhile, only stood there without turning around, without comforting me or saying something. It was like she was debating on what to do and I didn't know that my heart could break some more.

Lisa finally moved from my hold. "Let go, Jen." She whispered, her voice so reminiscent of mine- tired and aching.

"No," I shook my head as I pulled her more. I didn't want to let go. How many more people should tell me to let her go? First it was YG, then Jisoo and now, her?