Welcome to Vogue

This is Not the End

My eyes were petrified on her, her face, I don't know what was happening to my mother, but the woman standing in front of me, tho she shared her face and her bone structure, that was not the woman that took care of, she was drained, sucked from the inside out, the light, the power she used to carry around was gone, and I had no idea why or because of what?

She cleared her throat getting my attention once again "aren't you going to let your mother in?" Her voice sounded raspy, I moved aside and welcomed her in "of course come on in" as she walked past me I looked at Patricia "so, to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" I ask her, with a tone that tried to mask the worry I was feeling after seeing her so bad. "Marritza, can't a mother visit her child?" She turns as she passes by the kitchen, I shut the door and smiled at her wary "of course, it's just" I looked at Patricia once again and Elenor clapped her hands "alright, what is it? Did I come at a bad time? Or did something else happened" she ran out of breath.

As I see her body fold forward as she tried to gain back some air I asked her "Mother" she cut me off "I am fine Marritza, you've got nothing to worry about" she straightened up "now, can someone get me a glass of water? I am feeling a bit parched" I walked into the kitchen to get her water and she moved on to the dining room. As I joined her she was pinching Chris's cheeks. Seeing her interact with all of them filled my heart with joy, as a mother, Elenor was a bit cold at times, but as a grandmother, well, she had a soft side she rarely showed. I put the glass on the table and she looks up at me "so, getting ready for a competition I see" she smiles broadly.

I stared at her, the loss of weight was so significant that even when smiling you could see her cheeks dried. She dragged the glass of water and brought it up to her mouth, as I stared carefully I could see her hands trembling "it is good to see you are passing down tradition to the next generation Marritza, you have done me proud" she says to me as she extended her hands reaching for mine, I grabbed her hand in mine and squeezed it gently "what can I say, I learned from the best, after all, nobody did season planning like Elenor, the best mother of this year's Ballroom, if my sources haven't lied to me that is" She smiled great full for my words.

As she takes a deep breath I clapped my hands together "well, children, say goodbye to Elenor and head to bed, we'll continue planning tomorrow" they all stood from the table and said their goodbyes. Once alone, I looked to her "well, are you going to tell me what the hell it is going on with you? Or do I need to drag someone else's ass in here to tell me" I watched her as she stood from the table, turned her back on me, and headed for the couch? Once she sits, she pats for me to join her "come, we have much to talk about, and I'm afraid not much time to do so", I gulped as those words entered my hearing canal. I looked at her as I sat by her side "well, what is it? Why are you truly here? What's going on with you?"

Elenor took a deep breath and looked to her thighs as her eyes filled with tears "Six years ago I was diagnosed with HIV Marritza" all sound faded away as she said that, I felt my chest tightening, the air trapped inside my lungs, I felt short of it, my breaths rapidly increasing as a tingling sensation started to race down my shoulders and into my hands. I tried my best to keep myself together but everything started to get hot, the air was moist and as I looked at her and saw her pain, I knew I had to swallow hard and keep my composure.

I did my best to gather some air as I held her hand in mine "why didn't you ever say anything?" She squeezed my hand "I was hopeful a cure would've come around and saved me" her voice cracked up "but there was nothing to do, I joined different trials, some helped delay the inevitable, but here I am and the worst part is, I don't even know where I got it, nor who I got it from" water started to run down her nose, I felt powerless, a weight was crashing on my shoulders that I knew soon would take me down, but at the same time I had to do my best to be there for her.

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As I sit on the balcony talking with Sandro and Ricchie, Lilibeth shows up with our tea "how much longer did she have after her diagnosis?" asks me, Sandro, I take a sip of my blueberry lemon tea and clear the hair off of my face and continue with the story

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"So, what do we do next?" I ask her as I stand from the couch, she looks at me "nothing, there is nothing we can do now, but enjoy whatever little time I have left" my eyes teared up "Marritza, you don't have to hold back your crying for me, I've had six years to process this, and I still haven't come to terms with it entirely, so allow me one last word of wisdom" she stood up "give yourself the right to feel however you're feeling, because you can, and you are allowed too" as she said that to me I felt my knees shake and I hugged her "I just wish you'd told me sooner, maybe one of the doctors here could've helped"

She took my face and lifted with her finger, just like she did the night we met, and then she squeezed it in between her hands "I wasn't ready to tell anyone, and besides, LuiG set an appointment for me with a doctor here before I flew in after your surgery, she ran some tests and" she took a pause and looked at me as her eyes filled with tears once again "she's the one who told my HIV had progressed to Aids, and that there was nothing left to do" I took a deep breath along with her "that's why I'm here, I wanted to see my darling child one more time while I was still able to fly" she cleaned a tear from my left cheek and I padded her hand "how long do you have?" I ask her, she turns away from me "well, if I continue to deteriorate at the rate that I am, between six weeks to three months"

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"I tried my best to wrap my head around the fact that the woman who helped me become who I am today, would be gone forever in a matter of weeks," I tell Ricchie as he puts his hand on my knee "oh Marritza, I wish I could have met her" I tap his hand softly "you would have loved her" I took a deep breath "Elenor was the type of woman that inspired other women, she radiated confidence and power, even on her last days, she managed to help me come to terms with the death and how letting go of resentment would give me a better quality of life"

Lilibeth tried to hide the tears running down her face, but I was still able to see them. Sandro comforts her and asks "was she able to enjoy her last few weeks?" I look at him and smile "Elenor made sure to go out in style" I take a deep breath "now, I am not telling you this story just because I want you to live through my experiences, but so that when you have your own you can do the right thing for you" Lilibeth looks at me "I don't understand" "well, you will all one day pack your bags and leave, just like I did back when in the '80s, and so did Cole and Patricia" I take one last sip from my tea "and when you do, you will be able to ser the world through your lenses, experience life differently, and all I can ever ask from all of you is to be cautious, responsible"

I let out a sight "because we live in a world that worries more about money than lives, that will look after the rich and step on the backs of the poor, the ones who fight to build this country, still get nothing in return. You need to be selfish when it comes to you, people don't walk around the streets with stickers on their foreheads telling you whether they are HIV positive, or if they're murderers. So I hope you take this lesson, a lesson that my mother, left me with, and pass it on just like I am doing with you today because one day you are here and the next you are gone, so live your lives to the fullest, but do it responsibly, because I would hate to see you the same way I had to see her, with her life drained from the inside out"

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Hey Queendom, the second to last chapter of Welcome to Vogue comes out on Thursday, and as we near the end of this story I hope you know how loved you are, how valid, and how powerful your life is. So continue embracing your authenticity and living life responsibly.

In the meantime remember to check up on yourself and those you love not just today or this month but always, but most importantly, remember to LOVE.

💜 HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🤍